Just another crappy family party that may cost us our nanny!

[Anonymous]

My FIL got into it with our nanny at our daughter's birthday party yesterday. He is a Fox-watching Republican and she isn't (I actually don't know what she is - a liberal, I assume - she's never discussed politics with us). Neither DH or I was outside at the time but apparently the nanny was talking to my neighbor's nanny about her healthcare coverage from the exchange and how happy she was with it when my FIL jumped in and started going off on how Obamacare was destroying the country, bla, bla, bla. Apparently he called our nanny a socialist and was not yelling but was very "passionate" about his opinion. Our nanny tried to downplay it and get away from him but he was on a roll.

Bottom line - our nanny left early and seemed upset even after I apologized for my FIL and told her that we just ignore him. She smiled and nodded but left early.

I've texted her twice today (one a Happy Easter, and the other with a pic of our daughter in the Easter dress nanny hemmed for her) and have not gotten a response from our nanny. Now I'm freaking out. My daughter has special needs and adores this nanny - and so do we. If we ever lost her because she is now going to be uncomfortable at extended family events, I'll kill my FIL but I can't tell him NOT to come to his granddaughter's events!

Fricking in-laws. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing. I doubt very much that your nanny will hold this against you. She most likely hasn't been able to answer your texts.
I've had negative encounters with a couple of grandparents.
The first was handled just the way you handled it. I got over it quickly and felt supported by my MB. No harm done.
The second time this happened (with a different family), my MB made no mention of it. The damage was done and I left not long after.
If you show that you respect your nanny and will stick up for her, she wont be upset.

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny and if this happened to me, I would have avoided further conversation as much as possible and blown it off. We encounter all types of social situations where someone else might voice an opinion different then our own. It would be a different story if the family member was bad-mouthing the nanny to her employers, but this sounds like a political disagreement. Like the PP said, I doubt your nanny will hold it against you unless s/he is very immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny and if this happened to me, I would have avoided further conversation as much as possible and blown it off. We encounter all types of social situations where someone else might voice an opinion different then our own. It would be a different story if the family member was bad-mouthing the nanny to her employers, but this sounds like a political disagreement. Like the PP said, I doubt your nanny will hold it against you unless s/he is very immature.

While I agree with you, this didn't sound like a mere political disagreement - the FIL interrupted a conversation between two nannies and passionately made his opinion known and called his granddaughter's nanny a socialist!! FIL was rude and in the wrong - there is no getting around that.

But I doubt the nanny would ever hold it against the MB (who did handle it as best she could) or the little girl. Especially a special-needs nanny.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry about the lack of response, your nanny is probably just busy. I would apologize again when she comes in for work, explaining how you're sorry FIL inserted his views into her conversation. You might even throw in that you're glad she's been able to get new coverage and that she's happy with it, etc to sort of emphasize that your views are different than his.

[Anonymous]

Agree with all the PPs. I can't imagine a good, mature nanny holding this against you. You can't control what other people do or say at a party and it sounds like you handled the situation appropriately. She's probably just busy because today is Easter and I imagine all will be fine on Monday.

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP with the ass for a FIL. Still no response from our nanny and I'm sweating bullets. I swear I'd be less upset if I thought I was losing my husband


Thanks for your responses everyone - they are much appreciated - and I will apologize for FIL again tomorrow and so will DH. She is a great nanny - calm and mature - I don't think she'd hold any of this against us (me, DC and beautiful daughter) and I'll make sure she is never in that position with FIL again. I just wish she'd text back!!!!

[Anonymous]

I think you need to relax. It is Easter and nanny is probably celebrating with her own family, no? She will text you back when she can, or see you tomorrow. I am sure if you have showed that you love and respect her, all is fine. It's not like she has to deal with FIL every day right?

[Anonymous]

Tell your FIL to apologize and if you lose the nanny, he better step up and care for granddaughter.

[Anonymous]

Nanny just called to talk to my daughter to tell her how pretty she looked in her Easter dress (the picture I sent her). When I had her on the phone, I again apologized for my FIL's rude behavior and Nanny told me she appreciated that and not to worry about it. But she did admit that she was upset by my FIL's attack and thought it better to leave the party early. My DH will apologize for his father's behavior tomorrow and I will make a point of keeping my FIL on a tight leash around our nanny at the next event.

WHEW!!! You all were right - Nanny was with her family all day which is why she didn't text back as promptly as she usually does.


And to the PP who thinks my FIL should apologize - that would NEVER happen. NEVER. My FIL is a bitter old man angry at a world that changed without his permission. My DH already told his father that he was out of line and his father just said he (my husband) was a "light-weight" and couldn't handle his own employees. (We only have one employee - our beloved nanny).

Thanks all for the support today! I am so relived I think I'll eat a chocolate bunny all by myself while soaking in a warn bath!

[Anonymous]

Glad to hear it OP!

[Anonymous]

Happy things worked out for you OP - but I'm still chuckling over "my fricking Fox-watching Republican in-laws"! Sounds like a great title for a sitcom or reality show!

[Anonymous]

I will say that it would be best if you could keep nanny and FIL completely separate? Why would she be working when you are having a family gathering? Are you inviting her as a guest or is she watchig DD so that tou can play hostess or what?

[Anonymous]

Nanny here- I got into an argument with DC's crazy ass grandfather over a year ago and they haven't visited since! The parents took my side because he was way out of line. I feel very bad about the situation but it was in no way my fault. Brahe grandparents now refuse to speak to their son, his wife and all 3 grand kids because they took the side of the help (his words). He is a horrible person and while I feel sad about the rift for the kids, to be honest I'm glad I don't have to deal with his racist anti Semitic views and visits (lasting 3+ weeks) every 3 months. It's been a lovely year without him!!

[Anonymous]

*both not Brahe