Nanny/ nanny family relationship

[Anonymous]

After being on these boards for several months, it appears that many NF and nannies have a purely professional relationship. I, however, work with a family who has welcomed me as a family member. They have gotten to know me on a personal level, include me in dinners and parties, text or email just because, and just generally treat me as more than a household employee. I do my best to show that it is not just a job to me, and that I truly love the family. I've worked for families where I am strictly "nanny" and have no interaction with the parents other than as related to the child. I greatly prefer my current situation, and I am just wondering if there are any others who prefer to have a more personal relationship with their nanny/NF.

[Anonymous]

MB here, and we are extremely fortunate to have such a warm and wonderful nanny in our lives. We regularly get together w/ her and her family. We'll be spending Easter brunch w/ them, as I prepare for DC#2's arrival the next day. DC#1 will be staying w/ her and her family while DH and I are in the hospital.

Just last Saturday, we stopped by her house to drop of some leg of lamb that we had picked up from the Amish market (DH and I were celebrating our Easter meal last weekend in case I went into early labor). When we got there, DD immediately started to play w/ nanny's husband who she I-chats with daily and nanny's daughter's dog. They offered to watch her while DH and I made a quick run to Trader Joe's. When we asked DD if she wanted to stay a bit longer, she didn't even respond b/c she was having too much fun. When our nanny asked her in Spanish, she immediately responded yes and didn't even look in our direction.

She has been w/ us for 2.5 yrs already, and I am dreading the day that we have to part ways.

[Anonymous]

I prefer to have a professional relationship with our nanny. She's our employee. If it were a personal relationship and she were "just like family" then we wouldn't be paying her and she'd watch our children not for money but out of the goodness of her heart.

She's an employee we like very much, but she's still an employee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After being on these boards for several months, it appears that many NF and nannies have a purely professional relationship. I, however, work with a family who has welcomed me as a family member. They have gotten to know me on a personal level, include me in dinners and parties, text or email just because, and just generally treat me as more than a household employee. I do my best to show that it is not just a job to me, and that I truly love the family. I've worked for families where I am strictly "nanny" and have no interaction with the parents other than as related to the child. I greatly prefer my current situation, and I am just wondering if there are any others who prefer to have a more personal relationship with their nanny/NF.

Hate to break it to you toots but you are NOT family. As soon as you outgrew your usefulness you will be gone. You will not see the children grow up and live their lives like family would. You are the HELP not family though it is nice to be treated fairly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After being on these boards for several months, it appears that many NF and nannies have a purely professional relationship. I, however, work with a family who has welcomed me as a family member. They have gotten to know me on a personal level, include me in dinners and parties, text or email just because, and just generally treat me as more than a household employee. I do my best to show that it is not just a job to me, and that I truly love the family. I've worked for families where I am strictly "nanny" and have no interaction with the parents other than as related to the child. I greatly prefer my current situation, and I am just wondering if there are any others who prefer to have a more personal relationship with their nanny/NF.

Hate to break it to you toots but you are NOT family. As soon as you outgrew your usefulness you will be gone. You will not see the children grow up and live their lives like family would. You are the HELP not family though it is nice to be treated fairly.

I have worked for 2 families who absolutely view me as family.
After many years, we talk and see each other weekly. I am watching my boys grow up and live their lives.
What a horrible comment to make.

[Anonymous]

Every nanny/family relationship is different. Some previous families are still very much a part of my life long after I have worked for them, and others, I hardly spoke to them after I left. If it works for you, then great.

[Anonymous]

MB here. We have a nanny who is fantastic and who has been with us for almost three years. I hope she is with us for at least that many more.

She is more than an employee, and our involvement with her goes well beyond simply/purely professional.

However, she is not family. And the need for maintaining a level of professionalism is something I believe in strongly. She, and we, need and deserve the ability to renegotiate compensation, benefits, job duties, etc... on a regular basis. She needs and deserves the protections of a contract, stable payment mechanisms, overtime pay, assurance of workers comp coverage, appropriate working environment, adherence to contracted hours, etc... We need and deserve the benefit of someone who is accountable for the work, the safety of our children, who does things the way we want them done, who takes her job seriously, who does the work she was hired to do, etc...

It is a job first. When the relationship evolves such that there are mutual warm feelings on both sides that can be great, but that can also be damaging and needs to be managed carefully.

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny and agree with the tone of the MB PPs - I have a very warm and supportive relationship with my employers (I can't go into specifics for fear of identifying myself, but they have gone above and beyond for me as I've been undergoing cancer treatments) and expect to be invited to future birthday parties and will continue to be their first choice when needing a sitter, etc. even after I've moved on. But even so, I prefer that we keep a certain professional distance because sometimes we do need to refer to the contract and I always want to present myself as a professional prepared to do her job. Grandmas, aunts, and uncles do get away with bagels for lunch and movies in the afternoon but I absolutely would not. There is a difference in those relationships and expectations (I expect to get paid, they expect me to provide enriching and loving care to their sons) and I'd be uncomfortable blurring those lines too much.

[Anonymous]

I've always hated when my employers say I am like family to them - I actually have my own family and don't need theirs! I love the kids - truly love them - and like my employers very much but it's a job albeit a very personal job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every nanny/family relationship is different. Some previous families are still very much a part of my life long after I have worked for them, and others, I hardly spoke to them after I left. If it works for you, then great.

This. No two relationships are the same.

[Anonymous]

I personally never mix business with pleasure.

Tell me, if you were arrested and stuck in jail, would you feel comfortable calling them and asking them to bail you out like you would your parents? If so, then perhaps you do have a really family-like relationship with them.

Ditto if you also would feel comfortable asking them to borrow money. $$

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally never mix business with pleasure.

Tell me, if you were arrested and stuck in jail, would you feel comfortable calling them and asking them to bail you out like you would your parents? If so, then perhaps you do have a really family-like relationship with them.

Ditto if you also would feel comfortable asking them to borrow money. $$

I wouldn't ask to borrow money, but I also wouldnt ask that of my parents. However if I was in jail or in a bad situation and my SO was unavailable I would totally call MB knowing that she would bail me out.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I like having a more personal relationship my NF. Even the extended family gives me Christmas gifts and invite me on trips (not to work). It doesn't work for everyone but it does work for us.

I don't even borrow money from friends. And even if I asked my parents for money they would never give it to me.

And my NF would totally bail me out of jail.