How many nannies here are pro-independence?

[Anonymous]

I've run into the attitude fairly often that a nanny is paid to care for a child, including doing things for them like cleaning up after playing, making their bed, etc. As a former child who had everything done for her, I am now a nanny who firmly believes in the importance of instilling independence as early as possible. I know firsthand how it feels to begrudgingly step into adulthood, no longer enabled to be lazy, and would have chosen to instead grow up knowing self-reliance as a normal part of life.

I can't abide enabling my charges to be lazy with what they are actually capable of doing themselves and I find it outrageous that any parent who hires me would insist on it. I'm talking anything from a 6 year old clearing his own plate from the table to a 2 year old putting away their own toys (with prompting). The attitude seems to be so pervasive and I'm honestly curious to hear other opinions on this.

Parents, do you insist your nanny do things for your child that he/she would be capable of on their own?
Nannies, how often have you come across this attitude and do you go along with/support it?

[Anonymous]

As a nanny, I try to encourage and support the kids in learning to do things on their own. Of course, I do the things I am required to do but have the kids help and teach them at the same time. Like I will do their laundry, but have them help me fold and match socks for instance (depending on the age). I worked shortly for a family with 4yo twins who never wiped their own behinds. They claimed they didn't know how (b/c mommy & daddy did it for them) so I explained to them what to do, and guess what they were able to do it on their own and so proud.

[Anonymous]

I am so PRO independence. In everything. Before I respond to my charge whining about needing help. I simply say to them... Try your best first!! Absolutely toys and plates will be cleared and cleaned from as young as 2. I just finished a job working for 3 year old twins. I was with them for 2.5 years and they were able to clean the playroom by themselves and clean up after lunch dishes.

http://mobile.nytimes.com/blogs/parenting/2014/01/27/age-appropriate-chores-for-children-and-why-theyre-not-doing-them/

[Anonymous]

As a professional, I would *never* cripple a child like that. I make that clear to the parents.

[Anonymous]

I interviewed for a job once where the then 6 or 7 yr old was not aloud to do anything by himself. The mom wouldn't even let him dress or feed himself. I actually to this day hope she was just a crazy person who had a fake ad posted on care.com but we had a long phone interview. She wanted me to crawl in bed with her child every morning and cuddle with him. She said he is never aloud to do anything alone, never to play alone. I said what if he wants to draw a picture she said only if you draw on the same paper with him. Total wacko

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny who cares for 11 year old plus occasionally 13 and 15 year old siblings. I say occasional care because MB has me do everything for them, against what DB has said, including make 15 year old an after school snack, put their dirty laundry in the hamper two feet away from where they throw it on the floor, take their dishes to the sink. They have no responsibility, chores, anything to make them not just the little shits they are being raised to be. They don't even say please and thank you. Its literally "I'm hungry. Where's my snack?" Me: say "can I have a snack please?" Them: blank stares until their mom comes in and tells me to make them a snack. It sucks. But she's the boss its upsetting because previous family had 2 year old bringing her dish to the sink and having manners so there's no excuse for new family.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I love to see how proud they look when they master something new!

And I love when they begin to take initiative. I used to care for "Irish twins," only 14 months apart. So we had no choice but to encourage the older sister to be as independent as possible. Whenever we came inside, it was her "job" to take her shoes off and put them away, which she was faithfully doing at 20 months old. A few months later, she took it upon herself to also take off her brother's shoes and put them away. It was really very sweet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a nanny who cares for 11 year old plus occasionally 13 and 15 year old siblings. I say occasional care because MB has me do everything for them, against what DB has said, including make 15 year old an after school snack, put their dirty laundry in the hamper two feet away from where they throw it on the floor, take their dishes to the sink. They have no responsibility, chores, anything to make them not just the little shits they are being raised to be. They don't even say please and thank you. Its literally "I'm hungry. Where's my snack?" Me: say "can I have a snack please?" Them: blank stares until their mom comes in and tells me to make them a snack. It sucks. But she's the boss its upsetting because previous family had 2 year old bringing her dish to the sink and having manners so there's no excuse for new family.

I hate to say it, but you know you are not a nanny, but a doormat. At least in your current job. No nanny would reward that kind of behavior. Sorry.

Please get yourself a nanny job if you want to be a nanny.

[Anonymous]

I'm very much about teaching children to be independent and teaching them life skills. Sometimes it means the 5-year-old will spill milk when trying to poor it into her own cereal bowl but that's part of life - you grab a cloth and clean up the mess.

I interviewed with a family who believed in catering to their children's every whim and during an in home interview I realized they were the laziest, most entitled, and dependent children I had ever met. I cannot believe parents engage in behavior that is so crippling to their children's growth and development.

[Anonymous]

I am a huge fan of raising kids who can be functional productive adults. For this reason, I often do not work for the wealthiest families who pay the best. I would much rather work for a solid middle-class family who will be proud of their child when he or she is a productive member of the household, rather than assuming that the child will always have "help" there to clean up after him or her.

[Anonymous]

Entitled children can come from middle and even lower economic class families, just as from rich families.

So beware of each family's real values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've run into the attitude fairly often that a nanny is paid to care for a child, including doing things for them like cleaning up after playing, making their bed, etc. As a former child who had everything done for her, I am now a nanny who firmly believes in the importance of instilling independence as early as possible. I know firsthand how it feels to begrudgingly step into adulthood, no longer enabled to be lazy, and would have chosen to instead grow up knowing self-reliance as a normal part of life.

I can't abide enabling my charges to be lazy with what they are actually capable of doing themselves and I find it outrageous that any parent who hires me would insist on it. I'm talking anything from a 6 year old clearing his own plate from the table to a 2 year old putting away their own toys (with prompting). The attitude seems to be so pervasive and I'm honestly curious to hear other opinions on this.

Parents, do you insist your nanny do things for your child that he/she would be capable of on their own?
Nannies, how often have you come across this attitude and do you go along with/support it?

Those parents are crippling their own kids like that. So no, I could never take part in damaging a kid.