8yo charge making up terrible lies

[Anonymous]

Hello, I'm an after school nanny to an 8yo girl with high func autism (very hard to tell until you've spent some time speaking with her). She's very bright and strong willed. I've worked for the family for half a year and things started out great, though took a turn about midway through as I noticed she began to test me more and act as if she knew more than me in everything. She would accuse me of lying or trying to trick her, she would inform me (complete with condescending tone) that I made no sense and she would adamantly refuse to listen to any attempt I might make to clear things up for her. Times when she's had trouble with friends and been severely upset, I've been there to comfort her and at those times it seems we have formed a good bond, but the next day it's as if it never happened.

Today she got upset with me over her homework and I let her go cool down in her room for a few minutes. When I went to check on her, she began a long monologue of accusations. Not visibly upset at all, actually quite cold and calculating. She told me that she knows I really want her and her 5yo brother to be my own children and that I have tried to poison and kill her mom. I've never heard a child speak like this before and was a bit thrown off, so excused myself to the bathroom and turned on my phone's audio recorder to document it. She was waiting for me outside the bathroom, said she heard me preparing a gun in there and that I had a bowl of guns ready to kill her mom with. She's also said she has spied on me, knows everything I say and knows how much I lie.

I spoke to MB about it when she arrived and thankfully she is completely supportive, says she will speak to her about it. I'm just at a loss and feel pretty bad that I haven't been able to form a bond with this little girl. Has anyone had any experience with a child like this before? I've put so much patience and effort into forming a positive relationship with her and she just doesn't seem to want one.

[Anonymous]

She's got some serious mental health issues.

[Anonymous]

I've had experience with a 4 yr old girl like this. Her tone would change and she would tell me very calmly that she was going to kill me and my family. I was a live in nanny and in the early morning hrs on one of my days off around 5 am she snuck into my room. She unlocked my bedroom door with a penny and woke me up telling me I had been fired and to pack my things and get out. I knew she was lying but it was very upsetting. I quit that day. I couldn't take the mental and physical abuse anymore. She spit in my face daily and hit me. She would threaten to tell her teachers I hit her. The liability wasn't worth it to me. This child could have ruined my career or got me arrested. I only had the job for 2 weeks. I recorded her behavior on my phone incase I ever needed to prove her behavior.

[Anonymous]

This doesn't sound like autism to me. More like psychosis. She needs to see a child psychiatrist.

[Anonymous]

Trollllllll

[Anonymous]

OP here, her mom asked me to send her the recording tonight so I did. Hopefully if the child needs intervention or anything action will be taken. Her parents are involved and very caring, and I've expressed to her a number of times that I am not against her and I care about her very much.

MB told me that she knows her daughter misunderstands people and can get very upset, though to me it seems like she is intentionally using things I've said to twist into accusations. Once many months ago she pointed out that I didn't seem as into girly things as she was and I responded that I'm more of a tomboy, but I still liked playing with her. At another instance I was explaining to her brother that what he was calling a plant's blood was actually white sap. Today she brought up that I lied about being a tomboy when I'm really girly because I have a white car and phone, and only girly girls like those things, as well as stating that I lied about plants having blood because only living things have blood and plants are NOT alive. I know it sounds silly, but she believes these are harsh accusations that prove I'm a horrible person.

The HFA has already been diagnosed and she goes to speech therapy for it. I don't know if she's ever seen a psychologist. I wish this were a troll post. This is making my work day so much less enjoyable than it would otherwise be.

[Anonymous]

The ten year old I watch can be pretty vicious at times, you are lucky that the mother just doesn't ignore it. I am more under her seige than being accused of stuff. Although she does say all the time, that she knows I steal from her mom and that she has dreams about it. I am mostly told that she is my boss and she will get me fired if I don't do what she says. She is in complete charge of her spineless parents and can't stand the fact that I am not terrified of her. I am constantly told that she could easily tell mommy not to have me come back and I would be fired. I'm sick of it but need the money. The parents just pretend she isn't a spoiled brat. When she says hurtful things I tell her, " I am just here to help you, please do not speak to me like that or I will cancel (insert toy, activity, something she likes here). It usually works because she not used to someone standing up to her. Good luck to you. I would try to make sure she knows she is hurting your feelings.

[Anonymous]

You sound immature and unprepared to deal with a special needs child, OP.

You should probably find a new job.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have any idea how many nannies or sitters this child has had before you?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don't know exactly how many past caregivers, but MB told me she's had other sitters (not sure if they were M-F like I am or just occasional). Directly before I started both kids were going to an after-school daycare.

For the PP suggesting I make sure she knows how it makes me feel, I appreciate it but this is definitely one aspect of her HFA that is readily apparent. I'm very open and honest with my feelings and she doesn't seem to take it into consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trollllllll

Get a life. Stop saying " troll" when it's a situation you don't agree upon. Find something better to do with your life and grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound immature and unprepared to deal with a special needs child, OP.

You should probably find a new job.

How is op immature?

[Anonymous]

OP is rightfully concerned about some very dangerous behavior. This is a serious issue. What are the parents doing about it?

[Anonymous]

OP here, I spoke with MB about it again after she had her talk with the girl last night, was surprised and disappointed to hear the behavior being excused. No acknowledgement that an 8yo shouldn't be spying on adults or listening to them in the bathroom, no discussing where she would get ideas about me killing people, just "oh she heard metal clanking in the bathroom when you were in there so she thought it was a gun". My charge also told her mom about something that happened months ago, saying it happened that day and that's what began the entire episode, but when I told MB it had in fact been months since this happened, she didn't believe me over her daughter. So I'm feeling a lack of support in the situation that is a bit exhausting. Guess I'll just keep my head down and ride it out. It does worry me that this little girl may actually benefit from therapy, because I don't think MB wants to see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound immature and unprepared to deal with a special needs child, OP.

You should probably find a new job.

No, she does not.