May be leaving current job and I think MB might know

[Anonymous]

I've been with my current NF for a little over a year now and am for the most part, I am happy with my job. When I took this job, I was told that they would want me to stay on until the twins were ready for preschool (so about 3 years) and I was more then happy to make that commitment. Well about 2 months ago, DB was talking to me and made it very clear that they are struggling to afford me and that when they tell friends what they are paying me, they are "astonished" and how I'm more then daycare, etc. etc. etc. I make $17.00/hr for 3 kids (1 year old twins and a 3 1/2 year old). I know that realistically, I should be making more money with my experiences and the amount of work but in the state/area I am in, I am paid on the very high end. After this conversation with DB, I was very worried about my job security and started freshening up my resume and sending it out to some agencies that I have worked with in the past. Nothing is "set" but I am about 80% sure that I am going to start interviewing for a new job. My "dilemma" is that I think MB MIGHT know. Over the last 2 weeks, she will make comments/jokes about me quitting or "losing me". For example, I texted MB last Saturday because I was running errands near their house and asked about coming by to say hi. I didn't end up going because she texted me back too late but on Monday, she made a comment about how she thought I was coming over to quit and how they "can't lose me". This has happened a couple of times this week and last week and I don't know if it's just a coincidence or if they somehow know. I'm ONLY working with agencies so it's not like I have online nanny ads that they could have seen. I didn't plan on telling them I was going to move on until I 1) found a new job and 2) really know for sure. Also, once I do find a new position, I have made it very clear to the agencies that I want to be able to give my current family AT LEAST 3 weeks notice because I respect them. I guess I'm just wondering if I should say anything to MB beforehand about all of this or just wait it out. I know it's most likely just a coincidence that she's making these comments lately but it still is really weird timing!

[Anonymous]

I'd turn the tables on her next time she mentions it. Say, "you know i'd give you three weeks notice if i were to leave and i hope you would do the same. i only say this because your husband mentioned how much strain this is putting on you financially." Based on your reaction you can decide whether to fill her in or push through with interviews quicker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd turn the tables on her next time she mentions it. Say, "you know i'd give you three weeks notice if i were to leave and i hope you would do the same. i only say this because your husband mentioned how much strain this is putting on you financially." Based on your reaction you can decide whether to fill her in or push through with interviews quicker.

OP Here: I've thought about doing that but have always just held off. I have more contact with MB then DB so I was surprised when all of that came from him. I've thought about asking her to sit down and talk one day after she get's home to discuss it all with her and see exactly where they are with all of this so I think I may do that. My best guess is that she probably doesn't know that DB told me everything he told me.

[Anonymous]

Based on what OP is saying here, I'd schedule a three-way meeting to discuss how your work is going. Then ask them together, how long are they hoping that you'll continue working with their children. It's essential to present this question to them together, because they are obviously in disagreement about the continued need for your work. Then you evaluate what they say and how they say it. Bottom line is, you need to determine if you trust what they tell you.

I sense that you don't much trust them and therefore you should protect yourself from any sudden lay-off, and get another job first. Do you agree that they are pinching pennies and can't afford you, or is the father being selfish?

[Anonymous]

My nanny agency in TX would not even let me start looking for a job with them until I gave my current family notice and they had a reference from them. I guess it looks bad if I was looking for jobs behind their back with a family they set me up with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny agency in TX would not even let me start looking for a job with them until I gave my current family notice and they had a reference from them. I guess it looks bad if I was looking for jobs behind their back with a family they set me up with.

OP here: I live on the east coast and work with two agencies in NYC. I'm not in NY but would like to find a live in position as with my experience, I qualify for a high end position. I actually just had two phone conferences with them both last night and this morning and told them why I was considering leaving my current job. One understood completely and the other one just said that they would have to call my current bosses once I found a new job. I haven't had any issues with any agencies requiring me to put in notice first.
It must just vary by each agency!

[Anonymous]

I agree with one of the PP about talking with both parents before you pick a new position. I could completely see my husband making some ludicrous comments that are not at all in line with my thinking and I would hate to lose my daughters nanny because of something like that.

[Anonymous]

OP - do you WANT to leave this job?

If you're interviewing because you're concerned you're going to lose the job, and MB is worried that you're going to leave, then are you creating a problem where there is none?

By all means go ahead and interview for other options if you want to - but if you're only doing that because of the comments DB made then maybe a direct conversation with the MB is in order.

"I'm a little uneasy because DB said.... Do you anticipate continuing to employ me or should I start looking for something else? I like

[Anonymous]

Sorry. Hit the wrong button. Was going to say that I like the suggestion of some others of having a direct conversation w/ MB and DB about how they're feeling about your performance on the job and their expectations/ability for continued employment.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on what OP is saying here, I'd schedule a three-way meeting to discuss how your work is going. Then ask them together, how long are they hoping that you'll continue working with their children. It's essential to present this question to them together, because they are obviously in disagreement about the continued need for your work. Then you evaluate what they say and how they say it. Bottom line is, you need to determine if you trust what they tell you.

I sense that you don't much trust them and therefore you should protect yourself from any sudden lay-off, and get another job first. Do you agree that they are pinching pennies and can't afford you, or is the father being selfish?

OP here: thank you for your input and advice! To be honest, it came as a huge shock to me when DB told me everything. In the 13 months I've been here, I've never once sensed that they had any money issues or trouble paying me. They are the type of family that doesn't have a massive house but splurges on other things like nice vacations, cars, etc.

It's not that I don't trust them but I was very taken aback when DB told me his friends are "astonished" when he tells them what they pay me. It just came off as if he was trying to say as a nanny, I'm not worth what I make. It's just frustrating because I easily could have taken a job in Boston or New York and would have been making $20/hr+ in a similiar position but I chose them because we were an awesome match! I think I'm going to text MB about us 3 sitting down and talking about my future with them and go from there.

[Anonymous]

Definitely talk to them OP. My husband is kind of an idiot sometimes and things come out of his mouth that I have to run around correcting. I bet MB would be appalled that you're feeling this way. Don't plan to leave a job you like unless you're more sure of where you actually stand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny agency in TX would not even let me start looking for a job with them until I gave my current family notice and they had a reference from them. I guess it looks bad if I was looking for jobs behind their back with a family they set me up with.

This is the most stupid advice in the world. Of course the nanny agency is demanding that you first give notice, so you are financially FORCED to take whatever crappy job they have for you.

No one in their right mind does that.
NO ONE.

[Anonymous]

Yes OP, you can easily be making way more money in Boston or NYC, with Boston having more reasonable housing options. I think he may have mentioned his friends thoughts on the matter as a way to steer you away from asking for a raise. Have you received a raise at your year mark? A review? There are plenty of nice families out there who know your worth. have a meeting and figure out how much they actually value your services.

But seeing as you are considering higher paying positions out of state, maybe you are ready to move on. You may like them but it doesn't sound like your heartbroken about leaving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nanny agency in TX would not even let me start looking for a job with them until I gave my current family notice and they had a reference from them. I guess it looks bad if I was looking for jobs behind their back with a family they set me up with.

This is the most stupid advice in the world. Of course the nanny agency is demanding that you first give notice, so you are financially FORCED to take whatever crappy job they have for you.

No one in their right mind does that.
NO ONE.

I think it's more likely that they don't want to lose their paying clients. If a family found out the agency knew their nanny was leaving and didn't tell them they likely wouldn't use that agency again. Bottom line: if you are looking for a new job don't use the agency that your current employers used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes OP, you can easily be making way more money in Boston or NYC, with Boston having more reasonable housing options. I think he may have mentioned his friends thoughts on the matter as a way to steer you away from asking for a raise. Have you received a raise at your year mark? A review? There are plenty of nice families out there who know your worth. have a meeting and figure out how much they actually value your services.

But seeing as you are considering higher paying positions out of state, maybe you are ready to move on. You may like them but it doesn't sound like your heartbroken about leaving.

OP Here: I didn't receive a raise but I don't know if my one year was "technically" my one year in their eyes. I started as a night nanny for them when the twins were 6 weeks old and I did that for 3 months (March-June) and then started full-time in June for them. We have a work agreement and that is dated as of my first full day in June. However, at the beginning of the month when it was my actual first day I ever worked for them, I mentioned it to MB casually and she was like "oh wow!" and that's it. With that said though, I really don't expect a raise from them after the conversation I had with DB and I think that is what is also making me consider getting another job. This is my career and while I know you aren't entitled to a raise, we have NEVER had any issues, I've always gone above and beyond and put in so much effort and am starting to realize that I could find a better position.