Birthday parties

[Anonymous]

There's a post on the General forum about whether to invite nannies to birthday parties. I figured this would be the right place to get more nanny input. What do you think, nannies? Would you be upset if you weren't invited to a kid's birthday party?

I'll start. I'm an MB and we don't invite our nanny to the birthday parties. They tend to be family plus a few very close friends and we just aren't that close with our nanny. She does something special with the kids on their birthdays though.

[Anonymous]

Former nanny here. I used to get invited and really didn't like it, even though I was friendly with the family. 1. I didn't feel like I could decline 2. Birthday parties are at a convenient time for people with kids, not always a convenient time for someone without. 3. I felt awkward if I wasn't helping. Which then turned into me basically working for free (had 2 moms take advantage of this, had 2 moms who kept telling me stop helping) 4. Back to the helping thing. It was really awkward only knowing my bosses and my charge/some of their friends. I felt torn between playing with the kids and engaging in awkward adult conversation.

[Anonymous]

As a nanny, I have always been invited to birthday parties of the children I take care of. I think it is a bit of a slap in the face not to invite her. When you do invite her, make sure she knows it is optional and she won't be working at the party.

[Anonymous]

As a nanny, please don't invite me. The weekends are my time. I don't want to feel obligated to go to your kid's party. And then I would end up helping out the whole time because that's just how I am and I would feel weird otherwise.

[Anonymous]

I don't invite. We don't subscribe to the whole "our nanny is like family" thing. Our nanny is simply a very highly valued employee.

[Anonymous]

As a live in nanny I have always been invited and I always go. I don't get an invitation per say but it's pretty clear I am welcome. I've even been invited to birthday parties for friends of the children I nanny for. That is a little more awkward but I have always gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a nanny, please don't invite me. The weekends are my time. I don't want to feel obligated to go to your kid's party. And then I would end up helping out the whole time because that's just how I am and I would feel weird otherwise.

+1
I am more than willing to help plan/prep for the party, but I really don't want to be there. I will do something special with your child during our time together. The only time I went to a charge's b-day party was when she was friends with my niece/nephew and they were invited...I went to take care of them and it was a SUPER awkward situation with all of the other adults.

[Anonymous]

I like to be invited, particularly for kids I see regularly, however I won't hold it against you if you don't invite me. I'll still do something fun with your child for their birthday or get a gift if there's something I've noticed they need.

[Anonymous]

I'd be very hurt not to be invited but wouldn't stay for the entire party either.

[Anonymous]

Being invited can be a little awkward especially if it's family and/or family friends that I have never met. I always do something special with your child on their actual birthday so I'm just fine with missing the party.

[Anonymous]

I like to be invited, and will gladly come if I am, but it is awkward, particularly if you have friends or family who, lets just say can't figure out how to interct with me. At my charge's last birthday party, my MB had invited a friend, who despite being introduced to me and being reminded of my name 3 times, continued to refer to me as "nanny", and kept asking me to do things for her. It was humiliating, and made me question my relationship with my MB if she is friends with someone who views me as so below them.

[Anonymous]

Is there a way to invite a nanny to a birthday party without making her feel obligated to come? We'd love to invite our nanny to our son's upcoming party but we wouldn't want her to show up if she feels like it's a burden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a way to invite a nanny to a birthday party without making her feel obligated to come? We'd love to invite our nanny to our son's upcoming party but we wouldn't want her to show up if she feels like it's a burden.

Just say exactly that. "We'd love to have you if you'd like to come, but you certainly don't have to come and we don't expect you to work."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like to be invited, and will gladly come if I am, but it is awkward, particularly if you have friends or family who, lets just say can't figure out how to interct with me. At my charge's last birthday party, my MB had invited a friend, who despite being introduced to me and being reminded of my name 3 times, continued to refer to me as "nanny", and kept asking me to do things for her. It was humiliating, and made me question my relationship with my MB if she is friends with someone who views me as so below them.

I would have just ignored her.
What did she ask you to do for her?
I would (politely) tell her you're there as a guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like to be invited, and will gladly come if I am, but it is awkward, particularly if you have friends or family who, lets just say can't figure out how to interct with me. At my charge's last birthday party, my MB had invited a friend, who despite being introduced to me and being reminded of my name 3 times, continued to refer to me as "nanny", and kept asking me to do things for her. It was humiliating, and made me question my relationship with my MB if she is friends with someone who views me as so below them.

I would have just ignored her.
What did she ask you to do for her?
I would (politely) tell her you're there as a guest.

I continued to remind her what my name was, even when it became clear that it was purposeful. She kept asking me to bring her things, left her and her children's plates on the table for me to clean up, left her children unsupervised for much of the party as though I was there to watch them. I was there as a guest (recieved an invitation) as was my fiance, but I came early to help cook and set up, and I did help throughout the party, so I could see how she might think I was working. Even if I was working, I think it takes a pretty "bold" person to give someone else's employee orders and refuse to refer to them by name. It bothered me that my MB said nothing at the time, but we laughed about it later. Suffice it to say, if you think your friends may be jerks to your nanny, it might be best to not invite her.