Other people's kids being disrespectful..

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny for two young school-aged children in California. They are very fond of going to the playground by their school and we visit a couple times a week. They love it, but there are other children who we see there time and time again who are rough, rude, nasty mouthed and completely disregard the rules of the playground (running up the slide and such).

There are anywhere between 7 and 15 additional kids at the park at any one time and I've only ever seen maybe 3 sets of parents. The school is in the middle of a tight suburban area and these elementary kids walk there alone and wait for their parents to pick them up hours later, or I suppose they walk home alone. A few months ago I was the only adult there when a 12 year old fell off the slide and I stayed with him while his friend ran to the school to get his mom, who is a teacher there. The kid was taken to the hospital.

This is my first experience with kids old enough to go to such a "big kids" playground, and thus, my first time dealing with issues like this. Kids without parents/guardians within eyesight? Incredible! I feel uncomfortable being the only adult there most of the time, am unsure of where my responsibilities are regarding safety and upholding rules and correcting bad behavior... and I have generally been erring toward focusing on my own two and pretending the others are being cared for by invisible adults (unless there is an injury, in which case I'm still not sure how much responsibility I'm expected to take if someone not in my care gets hurt).

This playground is the only place their parents will let me take them outside of the home and they love going, so I don't want to avoid it and coop us up indoors the entire time I'm on duty. However, in addition to safety/responsibility issues regarding the other kids in this area, there are some who use very foul language and play too roughly with my charges. I've always stepped in in these situations and sometimes the other child has been equally disrespectful to me. I would love to hear opinions on what my level of responsibility toward these strangers' children is regarding general behavior and safety issues, but in addition, I hope to hear advice for how you handle a disrespectful child when there are no parents/teachers/other supportive figures to report the offense to. It's Lord of the Flies out here and so far I've had to resort to vacating the area with my charges for lack of other options.

[Anonymous]

I find it shocking that your clueless employers would allow you to expose their kids to such garbage behavior at that playground.

[Anonymous]

Are your employers aware of what is going on when you are there? If you haven't discussed it with them then maybe you should bring it up and see how they think you should handle it.

[Anonymous]

You need to calm down, OP. Many 12 year old, and younger, kids are allowed out of their parent's sight, especially if it is at a neighborhood park. Kids are rough, kids are crude (especially out of earshot their teachers/guardians) and this is something you are going to need to get used to if you plan to be around kids for much longer.
If it is really too much for you, tell your boss that you don't feel comfortable taking your charges there anymore. Simple stuff.

In reality, though, I think you need to lighten up a little. Stop judging the parent's of the kids around you and take care of the ones you are being paid to take care of.

[Anonymous]

Well I don't really see the big deal with 12 year olds being at the playground without parents. There was obviously a way for that 12 year old to get a hold of her parent (who was inside the building).

You don't handle a disrespectful child beyond "no hitting, please watch your language around the little ones, please do not talk to me like that, etc" But you don't discipline or anything like that.

Tell your employers what is going on and see if they have an alternative suggestion.

[Anonymous]

I let my 4th grader sign herself out of aftercare and go to the nearby playground with a friend. As long as it's still light out and they stay together, it's fine with me.

On the parenting forum there's now a thread about how to not be a helicopter parent. OP, do you honestly think that had a parent been there the 12 yr old wouldn't have fallen? What parent is going to spot their 12 yr old on playground equipment?

If my kid were being too rough with your charges I'd have no problem with you saying "Hey, you're being too rough. If you can't play more gently with her, I'll separate you two." If my kid used shit or f*ck, I wouldn't mind you saying "Hey, watch your language!" though I doubt she'd speak that way.

[Anonymous]

Chill out, OP. At 12 I was caring for other people's kids.

Foul language? Everyone has different rules. You can correct "your" kids for using it, but not the others.
Rough play? Why are you stepping in? Teach your charges that it's okay to politely say that they don't want to play rough like that. If the older kids still don't stop, then you can step in. "Larla asked you to stop playing rough. Please respect her and stop." Or move your kids to another part of the playground.

Breaking the rules by running up the slide? I cannot believe you're getting in a tizzy about that. That's hilarious. When was the last time you were at a playground?

You need to relax. Focus on the kids in your care.

[Anonymous]

Unclench OP, unclench.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are use to looking after little kids you may be misinterpreting the actions of the older kids. Sounds like they are just letting off steam after school. That is what kids do - they run around at playgrounds.

And going to the playground alone is part of growing up. It is part of kids learning to be independent. Running up the slide is not the end of the world.

I go to a playground that also has lots of older kids. My 4 yr old knows that big kids play rough and that if she wants to play on the big playset while they are in the middle of a game of tag she might get knocked down.

Occasionally if the older kids get too rough or are making it so no one can play, I will say something to them. Not in a mean way but just point out the issue and ask them to move / stop. 99% of the time the kids comply - they were just caught up in what they were doing and in having fun and not realizing they had blocked the slide for 5 minutes or that they were making sand shoot up over the edge falling on the kids below.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I don't see how anything I said suggested that I was up tight about kids running up the slide or cursing, you ladies really need to calm down. As I said, I just want to know what my responsibilities are in this situation, as I've only ever been in a position where there would be another child's parent to go over and speak with if I had a real concern.

I would appreciate this not turning into a debate on free range parenting. I couldn't care less about the subject. I want to know if, legally or otherwise, I'm expected to take action if a kid not under my care gets hurt at this playground. If I'm readying my kids to go home for example, need to take them to piano class shortly, and some punk takes a flying leap off of the monkey bars and breaks his arm, am I obligated to stay there and help him, even if it means my own charges are late to their lesson? My guess would be no, as he's in the same situation he would be in if I had never been there at all, but it just seems like as an adult I would need to take charge of the situation.

What would you do if you had your charge at a playground and someone else's child got hurt but there were no parents around? Call the police? Take the injured kid temporarily into your care? (Don't misunderstand - I'm not saying I'm a cold hearted bitch who wouldn't help a kid who gets hurt, I'm just asking about my social and/or legal obligations so I can be aware of them.)

Also, my boss takes her kids to this playground regularly so I'm sure she's well aware of the environment. I'm just not at all used to it and would like to know if it's generally acceptable to tell stranger kids to quit tossing the f bomb around my 5 year old or not. He doesn't repeat it, I'm sure his mom's made the rules very clear long before I took this job, but I'm personally uncomfortable with it flying around like that.

[Anonymous]

Forget that ,I don't trust people anymore.

[Anonymous]

Sorry ,I got the wrong page.

[Anonymous]

Your op and your follow up are like 2 different posts. That said, if a child is injured and you are the only adult at the park, I'd get their parents contact info and get a hold of them. If it was an emergency, I would also call 911. And then I would wait for the parents. Under no circumstances should you take a child anywhere with you.

It isn't a legal issue, it just seems like the right thing to do as a human being. If a child got hurt, could you really just sit there and think "oh well, not my responsibility. "?

[Anonymous]

You don't sound like a very nice person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your op and your follow up are like 2 different posts. That said, if a child is injured and you are the only adult at the park, I'd get their parents contact info and get a hold of them. If it was an emergency, I would also call 911. And then I would wait for the parents. Under no circumstances should you take a child anywhere with you.

It isn't a legal issue, it just seems like the right thing to do as a human being. If a child got hurt, could you really just sit there and think "oh well, not my responsibility. "?

Agree with the bolded. Actually, I agree with the whole thing. You have a moral obligation as a human being who sees someone hurt, scared, and needing help, so you, as the adult, step in.