My MB is furious with me right now

[Anonymous]

I'm in the southeast, and it's snowing here. They're actually calling for more ice than snow, and people here go nuts. We aren't used to this stuff and schools are closing early right and left right now. So on my way back from dc2 play date, I picked dc1 up from preschool. It was naptime and after nap is strictly free play, so being as how I'm the one to have to drive no matter the weather to get him, I brought him home early and settled him in his bed for nap. And she is furious. She has an unreachable job and I had NO idea she came back home after we left for our play date. She's laying down for a nap right now, but even with her out of the room, her anger is very palatable in the atmosphere. Maybe I crossed a line and should have left dc1 at school, but honestly, in bad weather I just want all my little people in their own homes. Anyway, now I'm sitting in the playroom second guessing my bringing him home. I would still do it again, but now I'm wondering what repercussions there will be.
Oh, dc1 only left 3hrs early- 2are for nap, 1is snack and play time.

[Anonymous]

I'm having a little trouble understanding your post. Did you pick your charge up from school early without clearing it with your boss? If so, yeah I can kind of understand why she would be annoyed. You knew the snow was coming so if you were worried about it, you should have talked to your boss before the day started. Plus, if you had bothered to attempt to reach her, you would have found she wasn't at work.

Anyways, if I'm understanding the situation correctly, I can understand why your boss is mad that you took her kid out of school without clearing it with her first.

[Anonymous]

Jeez, I'm sorry OP. I'm an MB and I don't know why she would be so angry. Maybe I wouldn't have picked the child up yet (who knows) but I certainly wouldn't fault you for wanting to get the kids home safely and deciding that it was safer for all of you to do that a little earlier than usual.

Maybe there is something else going on with her right now (why is she home early to nap - maybe something else is up) so I hope she calms down.

Don't second guess yourself. I think you just tell her you were doing what you thought seemed safest given the weather and your comfort level in driving with potential ice and snow. If that makes her angry then she has issues that have nothing to do with you.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I just went and got him and didn't call her first. The snow wasn't supposed to start until tomorrow and it started this afternoon. Which in retrospect I completely see your pov and that I messed up. I didn't mean to, I really was just in the frame of mind he'd be safer here in his home than going out in snow and ice to get him. Hopefully this all smooths over, I've been here a year and a half and would hate to have this end our nanny relationship early.

[Anonymous]

I can understand her being upset, but if she did anything more than calmly state her issue to you, she also crossed a line. You may have made a mistake (this is not something you do without prior permission) but she should not be yelling at you, threatening you, or anything beyond talking to you. Next chance you get, apologize profusely, tell her why you did it and ask her what she would like you to do in the future if a decision has to be made and she cannot be reached. My advice is, if you suspect the weather will get bad enough that you might need to do an early pick up, discuss it that morning and get the okay.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you messed up, I just can also understand where your boss is coming from. I don't think it will be the end of the nanny relationship. Just apologize for picking him up early but you were worried about safety etc. But given the fact that your boss is home sleeping, I wouldn't be surprised if something else is going on.

On a side note, you need to have a way to get a hold of your boss. What if your child has a medical emergency? Do you have a signed form allowing you to make medical decisions for your charge? I'd hate to think that if your charge breaks their leg, nothing can be done until your boss is out of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can understand her being upset, but if she did anything more than calmly state her issue to you, she also crossed a line. You may have made a mistake (this is not something you do without prior permission) but she should not be yelling at you, threatening you, or anything beyond talking to you. Next chance you get, apologize profusely, tell her why you did it and ask her what she would like you to do in the future if a decision has to be made and she cannot be reached. My advice is, if you suspect the weather will get bad enough that you might need to do an early pick up, discuss it that morning and get the okay.

What where does it say her boss yelled at her or threatened her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can understand her being upset, but if she did anything more than calmly state her issue to you, she also crossed a line. You may have made a mistake (this is not something you do without prior permission) but she should not be yelling at you, threatening you, or anything beyond talking to you. Next chance you get, apologize profusely, tell her why you did it and ask her what she would like you to do in the future if a decision has to be made and she cannot be reached. My advice is, if you suspect the weather will get bad enough that you might need to do an early pick up, discuss it that morning and get the okay.

What where does it say her boss yelled at her or threatened her?

ugh sorry I misread your post. Apologies.

[Anonymous]

If your MB is typically unreachable at work then what is your emergency contact plan? Given that you guys in the southeast rarely get snow (and the mess it caused a few weeks ago!) I probably would have made the same judgement call.

I would just discuss it with her at the end of the day: "I picked up DC1 from preschool early today as a safety precaution due to the snow. I did not want to be put in a position of having to go back out later when there would be more snow on the ground especially since we're in an area where people, me included, are not use to driving in snowy conditions. Can we discuss a game plan for if this happens again?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can understand her being upset, but if she did anything more than calmly state her issue to you, she also crossed a line. You may have made a mistake (this is not something you do without prior permission) but she should not be yelling at you, threatening you, or anything beyond talking to you. Next chance you get, apologize profusely, tell her why you did it and ask her what she would like you to do in the future if a decision has to be made and she cannot be reached. My advice is, if you suspect the weather will get bad enough that you might need to do an early pick up, discuss it that morning and get the okay.

What where does it say her boss yelled at her or threatened her?

I'm not saying OP said that, but the word furious gave me the feeling that this went beyond annoyance or displeasure. I'm just saying that if she did yell/threaten that's something that needs be addressed.

[Anonymous]

OP- no she didn't loose her temper or anything, but it's very obvious she is angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your MB is typically unreachable at work then what is your emergency contact plan? Given that you guys in the southeast rarely get snow (and the mess it caused a few weeks ago!) I probably would have made the same judgement call.

I would just discuss it with her at the end of the day: "I picked up DC1 from preschool early today as a safety precaution due to the snow. I did not want to be put in a position of having to go back out later when there would be more snow on the ground especially since we're in an area where people, me included, are not use to driving in snowy conditions. Can we discuss a game plan for if this happens again?"

DB is the emergency contact when she is unreachable, but he is out of town all week at a conference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- no she didn't loose her temper or anything, but it's very obvious she is angry.

OP, I mean this nicely, but is there any way you are overreacting? Often times when we are nervous or insecure about our decisions, we project that and perceive others as feeling the same way. Perhaps she's not that angry. Maybe she had a bad day at work or doesn't feel well and that is why she's napping. Maybe she's mad that the school just released the kid (do you have authority to pick the kid up early?) Maybe she's just pissed about the snow and the fact that the next few days may be miserable because of it. I wouldn't read too much into it unless she actually states her displeasure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your MB is typically unreachable at work then what is your emergency contact plan? Given that you guys in the southeast rarely get snow (and the mess it caused a few weeks ago!) I probably would have made the same judgement call.

I would just discuss it with her at the end of the day: "I picked up DC1 from preschool early today as a safety precaution due to the snow. I did not want to be put in a position of having to go back out later when there would be more snow on the ground especially since we're in an area where people, me included, are not use to driving in snowy conditions. Can we discuss a game plan for if this happens again?"

DB is the emergency contact when she is unreachable, but he is out of town all week at a conference.

OK then you need an emergency contact if the two of them are unreachable. Our nanny has medical rights but we also have someone at DH's work who is reachable and can get access to DH in a true emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- no she didn't loose her temper or anything, but it's very obvious she is angry.

OP, I mean this nicely, but is there any way you are overreacting? Often times when we are nervous or insecure about our decisions, we project that and perceive others as feeling the same way. Perhaps she's not that angry. Maybe she had a bad day at work or doesn't feel well and that is why she's napping. Maybe she's mad that the school just released the kid (do you have authority to pick the kid up early?) Maybe she's just pissed about the snow and the fact that the next few days may be miserable because of it. I wouldn't read too much into it unless she actually states her displeasure.

I really, REALLY hope you're right.
I do have authority to pick him up, and have been told I can pick him up whenever I want, but I have never picked him up before nap. Usually it's right after if I have something planned (making bday gifts or surprise photos, etc) and there's never been a problem.
Maybe it is just something else. It's an election year for her so maybe that's part of it. I don't know, I just hate sitting here feeling like I screwed up.