Nannies with a backbone-I need all of the insight I can get.

[Anonymous]

I recently ran into a SAHM mom who I used to work for. She appears nice, and even at times did try to be nice, but she was REALLY mean and terrible! She was a prescription drug addict, And I believe mentally ill too. Many days went along ok, but there were many days where she would freak out on me for the smallest things! And she would also switch the rules from day to day, and then act as if "why wouldn't I know this." This really screwed me up, but I really wanted the good pay, and to be loyal to my contract end date. My agency wouldn't represent me anymore if I quit, but story for another time.

Anyways, I currently work for another family in the same city, for children about the same age, and I have ran into this lady twice! She acts as if she's surprised that I didn't sign her one year contract, but I'm still working as a nanny. She even says "the children miss you" even though the poor children are so screwed up by her, they really don't know how to be nice, or form a friendship. She literally wondered why her daughter was having trouble making friends at school.

I can tell she's pissed even though she acts so "kind". And she's very invasive, she asks question like what are their last names, where does she go to school, what do you guys do during the day." And one day she said, well maybe we'll meet here at the library again and we can have a playdate." She does know how to railroad me, and I want to know how to aggressively decline a playdate, and let her know not to ask me any more questions. Basically put her in her place.

[Anonymous]

You can't.. This lady's mentally ill, when you see her ignore her.. She'll get the memo

[Anonymous]

Don't tell her any information about the kids you watch now. Especially not such personal information as last name and school.

"I appreciate the invitation, but I have to check with my employers before scheduling playdates."

If you see her again and she asks, say that your employers weren't comfortable with a playdate with someone they do not know. Be firm.

[Anonymous]

You tell her no and walk away.

[Anonymous]

That sounds like a VERY bad agency, OP. I am sorry.

[Anonymous]

Just be polite and brief and walk away.

"I'm sorry but I cannot give out specifics about my employer's children, and they arrange all playdates."

You can use your current employer as a buffer. I'm an MB and I would be perfectly fine w/ you using me in any way necessary to get out of an uncomfortable situation. I would never want you disclosing personal information about my children to, or spending time with, anyone you made you uneasy.

Not sure why you would let her "railroad" you. Just politely decline, invoke your employers as needed, and walk away. She'll give up soon enough.

[Anonymous]

I'd follow the above advice and also try to avoid some of the places you've run into her if possible. Don't stand up to crazy, just back away smiling, but not making eye contact, just kidding. Truly the less attention you give her the better your chances of her leaving you alone after saying hi. Also next time your looking for work and have to work with the agency let them know about the mental issues and prescription drug problem in a way that's not rude or gossipy.

[Anonymous]

MB here: When she asks for info on your new nanny family or suggests playdates just calmly say "That won't be possible." And when she says why not, look her straight in the eyes, while very calmly saying, "We both know exactly why not." Then walk away.

It's letting her know you know her truth without confronting her about it, forcing her to defend or apologize for it, and she should leave you alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here: When she asks for info on your new nanny family or suggests playdates just calmly say "That won't be possible." And when she says why not, look her straight in the eyes, while very calmly saying, "We both know exactly why not." Then walk away.

It's letting her know you know her truth without confronting her about it, forcing her to defend or apologize for it, and she should leave you alone.

I would not do this. Having been raised by a mentally ill mother, I can tell you that this kind of response could trigger something and make the situation worse. Tell her you do not give out private information about the children and your employers plan the play dates then walk away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here: When she asks for info on your new nanny family or suggests playdates just calmly say "That won't be possible." And when she says why not, look her straight in the eyes, while very calmly saying, "We both know exactly why not." Then walk away.

It's letting her know you know her truth without confronting her about it, forcing her to defend or apologize for it, and she should leave you alone.

I wouldn't do this either. It is potentially quite antagonizing and unnecessarily confrontational. Don't look for trouble.

[Anonymous]

I'd like to add, that with aggressive ppl who suffer from mental disorder the best way to handle the situation is to walk away without engaging. Don't even allow a conversation to happen. They won't chase you down or make a scene in public because than ppl will realize they have issues. Just continue to walk away until she gets the hint.

[Anonymous]

When she asks question like:

How old are they? - Answer vaugely and say "Oh their about the same age(s) as your kiddos

Where do they go to school? - They're local, so how about them Patriots?

We should have a playdate? - My MB usually sets up the playdates but I'll keep your invite in mind (but never actually agree to it)

Just answer vaugely and change the subject softly.

[Anonymous]

If she insists on info, you could give a made up name like Smith or Johnson and say they go to Private school with a weird name you can't remember.