Other Share Mom pg & not disclosing intentions
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Anonymous
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We have assumed for the last few months that the other family we share our wonderful nanny with is pregnant but haven't asked figuring they would disclose when they were ready. I was finally informed at 6 months. Now that the information has been shared, I'm ready to talk about what their intentions are with childcare but was told that they aren't quite ready to discuss it but don't foresee any major changes. Our daughter will be starting school in the fall 2014 and given the state of child care in the area I feel like I need to press the issue. As it stands we might have four months to scramble to find another solution on top of navigating the whole lottery nightmare that is DCPS. We really don't want to change the share situation but what they may consider minor changes, may be major changes to us. Not to mention that the nanny hasn't been told anything at this point. I feel like the other family needs to be ready to talk soon to be fair to us as well as the nanny. I'd love to hear other peoples' thoughts or similar experiences.
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Anonymous
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Yourshare partner sounds like my former MB.
I'm the nanny who's boss wouldn't tell me she was pregnant. Run now! They do not have your best interest at heart. They are most likely stringing you along to keep their options open. Do you really want to be in a share with someone who refuses to communicate with you? |
Anonymous
| Tough for them because this is something both you and nsnny need to know now. Otherwise, I would let her know that I am looking for new share. Her indecision is not your problem. |
Anonymous
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With all due respect, your first and foremost obligation is to your child and her best interests. That includes childcare for most parents on this forum. Take the high road here and directly and honestly discuss the situation at hand with your child's caregiver. You owe that to your child. You and the caregiver can determine the best solution here. |
Anonymous
| Thank you, all! I'm really appreciating the replies. I am finding a lot of affirmation for what I already thought should be the direction for us to go in. |
Anonymous
| I would confront her and say, Congrat's on the pregnancy. Are you planning to keep the share or do we need to find another family to share with (or other child care arrangements)? If she say's no or is vague, then tell her you need to plan for your family's needs and will assume come (one month before due date) either she or you or both will have come to other arrangements for the kids. Talk to the nanny privately. |
Anonymous
Why even bother with the secretive mom? Your advice is rather odd, given the situation. |
Anonymous
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Sounds to me that they honestly do not care about how this will affect them. I would always be two steps ahead of them. I would let the nanny know as well as start looking for other accommodations if this doesn't work out.
I was in a nanny share and one family failed to inform everyone that they were moving out of state. I found out through a call from a moving company and that was only 2 weeks before they actually moved. Some people only care for themselves and I suggest you do the dame because at 6 months things need to have already been down on paper. |
Anonymous
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I'd assume they will be backing out right before the baby is born, that way they won't have to pay during maternity leave. They probably don't want to say anything now incase it upsets you and they lose childcare before they are ready. I'd talk to your nanny about finding a second family should they back out and/or start the daycare process.
If I were the nanny I would immediately have a discuss with the family about how they are going to handle raises, maternity leave etc. if they couldn't answer those questions I would start looking for a new job. By six months, you have a strong idea of you're going to handle childcare. The only ppl not willing to discuss it are those who have something to hide. |
Anonymous
Exactly, so don't waste your time with them and move on. |
Anonymous
| Thought I would provide an update. We gave the agreed upon notice to our nanny and left the share. The other family acted as if they were surprised but were going to look for another family to share with. In the meantime, they were only going to pay the nanny half (not much of an incentive to search out an additional family which I explained to the nanny!). I offered to help the nanny find a new family/families but she is toughing it out. Hopefully for her sake, they find someone soon but I couldn't be happier with my decision. It just goes to show that it is just as important to search out the right family to share a nanny with as it is to find the right nanny. Luckily, the nanny understood our situation and continues to be in our DD's life! Thanks! |
Anonymous
| Did you ever consider keeping the nanny? Maybe she would've liked to stick by you and not the other family? |
Anonymous
| No - I feel like that would have caused even more bad blood. We looked for a share because we couldn't afford the nanny on our own and the experience has soured me on that type of arrangement. |
Anonymous
| Poor nanny....so basically both families looked out for themselves and no one gave nanny a chance to do the same. Sorry, OP, your update makes you look just as crappy as the other family. You all have royally screwed your "wonderful" nanny. |
Anonymous
| Can a nanny share legally cut the nanys salary in half? |