Continue to send child to nanny or suck it up and double dip?

[Anonymous]

Long story short- I'm a government contractor and probably about to get the ax due to budget issues. We have a nice nanny that we've shared with another couple since our kids were 12 weeks old. Now that my daughter is approaching 2, we've decided to go the daycare route- for many reasons. Obviously, the first is that we are BLEEDING cash to said nanny every month- she is paid for 50 hours (with legit overtime) regardless of how many hours she works in a week (I'd say she averages around 30-40 a week for us), federal holidays, took a paid 3 week trip home this year, snow days- the works. That is our immediate concern- obviously, if I don't have a job, neither does she. Over the past year and a half, though, she's become more and more insistent on "her ways" (aka- my daughter doesn't want to nap in her crib so she lets her nap on the couch even though we've asked repeatedly for her not to do this), always complains about money, has gone from doing family laundry and light straightening to leaving the even the baby toys out, always used to show up early and now shows up right on time or a few minutes late and leaves the second after I get the daily report. We've discussed her bolting at night, "Hey, Larla, it's only 4:30 and I'd really hoped to make dinner. Would you mind staying till 5:30?" and she'll say yes but back to putting the coat on routine as she spouts off nap/lunch/playtime facts the next day. I think I could have been way more forceful early on and in fear of pissing a perfectly good nanny off, I let a lot of things go that I shouldn't have. I just look back on the birthday gifts, the Christmas bonuses, the religious holidays (she's of a different faith but we celebrated their holy days together), the pocket money here and there and honestly, I feel like we made her a part of our family.

We gave our notice (6 weeks vice the 4 in our contract) yesterday and it did NOT go well. The other family intends on finding another family to replace us and to keep her on. She was insistent that they'll never find someone in 6 weeks time, she needs more money, right down to the minute- she hates the double stroller we provided her. I was not expecting her to be cheery at the news, but when I told her that we couldn't imagine our daughter not seeing her occasionally she said that she "works on the weekends". I get the picture. The daycare we found has an immediate spot, but we were planning to hold off until after the holidays. I'm now tempted to just pay the nanny out and start daycare ASAP but that's a lot of cash- 6 weeks of our nanny is over $3,500 and the day care fees would be about $2,200. Is it worth just paying the nanny out and getting rid of the headache or should we suck it up? FWIW, I'm not concerned about my daughter's safety, per se ... but clearly she has no emotional attachment to her and what I thought was a close relationship was clearly business to her. I'm just really bummed out at her reaction and feel sick to know that we genuinely cared about her and know that she doesn't feel the same way about our family. Stay or go?

[Anonymous]

How much is it worth to you to avoid the headache of the bitter nanny? That's the question only you can answer.

Won't you have to pay the daycare to hold your daughter's spot anyway? So you may as well send her to daycare, right?

[Anonymous]

OP- Day care agreed to hold the slot until January with just two weeks tuition which we already paid...

[Anonymous]

I personally don't get sucked into other people's attempts to manipulate me, so I would have no problem sending a child to a nanny we've given notice to as long as I was sure the nanny would take good care of her.

At the same time, I don't want to deal with immature people, so it would be worth it for me to pay the daycare and the nanny both. But, I am not in your financial situation. We basically had all our childcare costs set aside before having children, so even if we got laid off, knew we'd be able to provide everything they needed. I'm sure it's very different when you're not in that position and worried about being laid off.

Can you have a come to jesus talk with her, encouraging her to be mature, do her job, and stop trying to guilt you into giving her more money? See how that goes.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. I would want to be rid of her immediately. But I would also feel bound to honor the 6 weeks notice.

Tough spot. She sounds nasty and like you would have been well rid of her some time ago.

If I were in your position I might actually say something like: "I'm very sorry you are so angry. We have to make this switch for financial reasons but were trying to be as considerate as possible. I thought that giving you 6 weeks notice (as opposed to the 4 weeks in the contract) was indicative of the consideration we were trying to extend. If you do not feel able to provide caring attention to our child for those six weeks and would prefer not to work with us we can make other arrangements. If you wish to maintain the employment for the 6 weeks you will need to care for our child in the manner we specify (naps in the crib, full commitment of the time we're paying you for, etc...). If you are unable to do so we will give you the 4 weeks severance specified in the contract and immediately remove our child."

Frankly I think 4 weeks notice is generous given the behavior you've described.

Good luck. And thank goodness you can be done with this!

[Anonymous]

If her leave time is 4:30, then this is the time she gets to leave. You ate so helpless that you cannot cook dinner by yourself? If her start time is 8:50. and this is when she arrives, you have no reason to expect her to come in earlier. She is a nanny not you personal maid or.servant. also, I am not a nanny or childcare giver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If her leave time is 4:30, then this is the time she gets to leave. You ate so helpless that you cannot cook dinner by yourself? If her start time is 8:50. and this is when she arrives, you have no reason to expect her to come in earlier. She is a nanny not you personal maid or.servant. also, I am not a nanny or childcare giver.

Did you read the actual thread because that's not what OP said at all. Her leave time is not 4:30, she is paid for 50 hrs/week with OT but usually only works 30-40 hours. She wants to leave as soon as MB gets home instead of staying until her end time. OP also didn't say she asked the nanny to make dinner she said she asked the nanny to stay and watch the children (for hours she is already paid for) while MB made dinner. What are you doing on this forum if you aren't a nanny or childcare giver, troll? At least learn better reading comprehension before you start making nasty comments.

[Anonymous]

OP here- thanks 12:04. Her hours are 7:30-5:30 and she is paid for those hours regardless of when she works (most nights she leaves by 5 and usually has at least one day off every other week because of travel/flex schedule, etc) So, yes, I do feel a little bit upset when I had planned on using that hour at home to do something that is difficult to do with a toddler hanging around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks 12:04. Her hours are 7:30-5:30 and she is paid for those hours regardless of when she works (most nights she leaves by 5 and usually has at least one day off every other week because of travel/flex schedule, etc) So, yes, I do feel a little bit upset when I had planned on using that hour at home to do something that is difficult to do with a toddler hanging around.

OP, you behaved like a dormat, the nanny saw you and took advantage of it. if her hours are 7.30-5.30 and she is paid OT for any hour over 40, the day she start putting her coat on at 4.30 you should have looked at her in the eyes and asked her if she was cold and offered her a sweater since apparently she was too cold to work without the coat. you do not "beg" an employee who is leaving one hour before the end of the shift to stay because you would like to cook dinner. whatever you wanted to do, she had to stay because that was her job and she was being paid (including overtime) for it.

if your contract says 4 weeks of advance notice, just provide that and move on, most nanny get 2 weeks notice anyway, 4 weeks is very genersou, and her behavior shows that she does not deserve any extracare. it is not your problem if she finds somebody else. your employer is not going to be concerned how you will be paying your bills if you loose your job. if I were you, I would just pay her and let her go now. I would not trust her around my child and BTW letting a young child nap on the couch is unsafe, doing it is bad, doing it against the parents' express instructions is even worse. moreover, if she finds somebody else next week, she is going to leave you cold in a day and you may not have the spot at the daycare anymore. this is a business relationship, treat it as such. if you let this nanny walks all over you, she will do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If her leave time is 4:30, then this is the time she gets to leave. You ate so helpless that you cannot cook dinner by yourself? If her start time is 8:50. and this is when she arrives, you have no reason to expect her to come in earlier. She is a nanny not you personal maid or.servant. also, I am not a nanny or childcare giver.

apparently not a good reader either

[Anonymous]

Also, you do not have to pay OT on hours not actually worked! If you guarantee 50 hours but she only works 35, you only owe her the base rate for all 50 hours. OT is calculated on actual hours, not paid hours.

[Anonymous]

I'd talk to the other family about her attitude and rescind three six week notice and just do the four required by the contract. Sorry she's being such a pill!

[Anonymous]

What time do the other parents pick up there child??

It sounds, from your post, that they hardly use the nanny. Or does she leave the other child with you?

[Anonymous]

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