Nanny using our car to visit her house with the baby during the day

[Anonymous]

We hired our first nanny three months ago. In general, we're happy with her-- the kids like her, she does light housekeeping and cooking, and she will run errands. She uses our car to transport the children, and after much fretting and concern about excessive miles on the car, I installed a GPS device. Lately, she's been in the habit of stopping by her house after dropping our older son off at school. Sometimes, it's just 15 minutes, sometimes it's as long as an hour. She keeps a log of the daily activities, and never mentions this. Do I just ignore this? Is this as good as it gets? Can I find someone more reliable and trustworthy behind door number two?

[Anonymous]

Talk to her and let her know she needs to use her car and if it is a daily activity, you are not paying for it.

[Anonymous]

I'd ask her about it first. She should have double checked with you first, but I wouldn't immediately jump to firing her. Just ask. Although, you might wind up looking for a new nanny if she quits once finding out that put a GPS on the car without telling her.

Then again, I'm the type of MB who would ask my nanny if she'd been doing a lot of driving because I'd noticed the car had a lot of miles on it before I installed a GPS tracker.

[Anonymous]

Be upfront. Tell her you were concerned about the excessive miles on the car and found out she's been going to her own house. Tell her that you need to approve everywhere your baby is going with her driving in your car, and going to her house during the day is not okay unless you've both pre-arranged it and in general you prefer if they're going to hang out in a home, it be yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd ask her about it first. She should have double checked with you first, but I wouldn't immediately jump to firing her. Just ask. Although, you might wind up looking for a new nanny if she quits once finding out that put a GPS on the car without telling her.

Then again, I'm the type of MB who would ask my nanny if she'd been doing a lot of driving because I'd noticed the car had a lot of miles on it before I installed a GPS tracker.

So, this is my first time with a nanny and my first time asking for advice, so I had to google what "MB" meant... anyhow, I guess I'm a bit naive, but this is my vehicle, I pay for the gas, maintenance, and insurance, I think I am entitled to know where it is. I'm of the opinion that a good nanny should have a clear conscience, that it wouldn't matter if their employer knew where they were (via GPS) or what they were doing (via a nanny cam).

[Anonymous]

Sure. Look behind door number two. No hired helper is any more perfect in every way, than you are, OP. Just decide how many doors are you are willing to put your child through, and exactly what are your priorities.

[Anonymous]

You say she runs errands. I'm assuming she does this with the baby in tow. Have you ever, even once, said she could pick up something she needed while she was out running errands for you?

[Anonymous]

A few questions-

How old is the baby?
How far out of the way is nanny's house?
Does nanny have any pets that she might be taking the baby to visit?

[Anonymous]

OP, this would not be ok with me. Both because it would not be ok with me to be hanging out with my baby at her house for up to an hour every day when I'm paying her to engage with my kids, but also because she's being sneaky about it.

"MB, do you mind if I drop by my house for a bit today to drop off/pick up/check on/whatever?" Sure, no problem at all.

But she knows it's wrong, otherwise she would have said something. And she's now proven herself to be the type of person that will go ahead and do something she knows is wrong as long as you don't find out about it. Not a good quality in a nanny.

I'd ask her about - "Nanny, we've noticed that you're dropping by your house during the day, but it isn't listed on the log. Can you explain?" Her answer will tell you what you need to do.

But this would be a big negative in my book and I'd probably never recover the trust. You need honesty and integrity in a nanny in order to feel comfortable leaving your children with them. I can't imagine an answer she could give that I would be like "ohhhh ok, that makes total sense." Why wouldn't she have let you know or at least put it in the log, especially if she's there for up to an hour sometimes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure. Look behind door number two. No hired helper is any more perfect in every way, than you are, OP. Just decide how many doors are you are willing to put your child through, and exactly what are your priorities.

OP, ignore this. You do not have to stick with a bad nanny just because you don't want to go through another switch. A switch would be better for your child than sticking with someone who isn't being honest about at least this one thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say she runs errands. I'm assuming she does this with the baby in tow. Have you ever, even once, said she could pick up something she needed while she was out running errands for you?

Why is this relevant? How would that make it ok to sneakily go to her house multiple times - enough that OP noticed the extra mileage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to her and let her know she needs to use her car and if it is a daily activity, you are not paying for it.

Talk to her and tell her that if this is a daily activity, then she's not the nanny for you.

[Anonymous]

the fact that she takes your baby to her house for some time almost every day, and without telling you, would not be OK with me at all. you talk about gas and mileage and use of the car, but to me that issue is the safety of your baby. I would never ever allow my child, especially a baby, to go to some stranger's house. what if the nanny has a crazy DH or son who abuses your child? what if she has an older child who smacks your child too hard because the child is crying? what if she has a dog who can bite? what if the DH has a gun left around, or cleans the gun with the child around? I know I may sound paranoid, but these are all examples of real tragedies that happened in the DC areas, with kids injured or killed while in the care of a "good" nanny who had somebody around who waws not that good. when you let a nanny care for your child, you obviously need to trust her, but to me she should stay at my home or go to teh playground, to the zoo, take a walk. she would definitely not be allowed to go to somebody's house, including her own, without my knowledge and permission. I could not care less about the car, I would care about the child in her care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure. Look behind door number two. No hired helper is any more perfect in every way, than you are, OP. Just decide how many doors are you are willing to put your child through, and exactly what are your priorities.

OP, ignore this. You do not have to stick with a bad nanny just because you don't want to go through another switch. A switch would be better for your child than sticking with someone who isn't being honest about at least this one thing.

How many bad sitters have you had?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure. Look behind door number two. No hired helper is any more perfect in every way, than you are, OP. Just decide how many doors are you are willing to put your child through, and exactly what are your priorities.

OP, ignore this. You do not have to stick with a bad nanny just because you don't want to go through another switch. A switch would be better for your child than sticking with someone who isn't being honest about at least this one thing.

How many bad sitters have you had?

None, thank you. But I simply don't think that anyone needs to feel guilted into sticking with a nanny that is being this sneaky. Yes, I agree with you that it's wonderful to have a great single long-term caretaker. But the key word there is "great" - having a single terrible long-term caretaker isn't good for anyone.