To nanny or to babysit, that is the question..

[Anonymous]

Hi, I have a kind of odd situation and I'm hoping others can provide some insight. So I got an after-school care job with two elementary students and everyone calls me the babysitter. I uphold house rules, help with homework, make sure they're fed and drive them to after school activities almost every day. I'm underpaid for the area but it's still enough to get by and childcare jobs are very hard to come by in my area. I was actually really excited to get this job and set my expectations for myself very high in order to keep it, considering myself a nanny- a title I associate with the greater responsibility of shaping the kid's development, whereas I think of babysitters as purely supervisory/playmates.

I work for a single mom and don't think we've ever actually had a real conversation. Even during the interview; it was more like an orientation as if I'd already gotten the job, no reference checks or background questions, which I thought was a bit strange, but I knew their last babysitter had left them in the lurch and they just needed a quick replacement. Still, MB is very quiet, mostly only talks to update me on house rules or schedule changes and doesn't really respond when I tell her about the day before heading home. With so little input, I've been attempting to fill the nanny role and it's been stressing me out. I know what the kids are not allowed to do (no screen time, no junk food, etc) but am otherwise left to my own devices and I don't spend enough time with them to do the usual nanny things I'm used to, like planning outings. I also don't really have the support of MB as far as instilling discipline or structure and the kids seem to view me as more of a playmate/employee than an authority figure.

Tonight I had an epiphany. Could it be I'm trying too hard? I figured they call me a babysitter just because they don't like the word "nanny" or are uninformed of the difference... but could it be all they actually want -is- a babysitter? The kids can be a real handful and aren't easy to discipline (I use time outs and discussion). If I switch gears and go into sitter mode, I could see myself being a lot more lenient and focused more on just having fun with them while I'm there rather than worrying about shaping them into first class citizens. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

Are you there every day?

I think laying off a bit is a good idea. Doesn't mean you have to forget about discipline and let them run all over you, but just relax a bit. If you're anything like me (you and your situation sound a bit like mine, tbh), just take each day at a time, don't have a grand plan for the week and don't try so hard to make them live by your rules.

I'm currently doing after-school care three or four days a week, so I usually make sure that we do one or two crafting sessions and go outside for playing or even just reading on the bench in the backyard. Homework first and all that, but provide them with a little fun and be their playmate, as you said. In my experience it goes a long way, especially if you're there part-time.

Anyway, good luck.

[Anonymous]

To me, a nanny is working 35+ hours. If you are part-time, then I would say babysitter. They are both the same caretaking jobs. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

OP I was in the same situation as you at my previous position. I was an after school nanny for three school aged kids and was so used to being in nanny mode and working with younger kids who needed more direction. The parents didn't really expect much from me, so it was really more of a babysitting position. Once I realized that and got more laid back with the kids, things improved. Kids did not like me micromanaging them, so it was easier to let them do their own thing, as long as they got their homework done and got to their activities on time. I would say ease up and see if things change. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the kind and helpful replies! I feel much less alone in this now. Yes I am there M-F and average 28 hours per week. I play games with them in the home, take them to the local park when time permits, and try to make it a happy environment. I'm used to working with preschool and younger ages with behavioral issues and my discipline methods have worked wonders in the past, but these older children are an entirely different species. Now that I'm recognizing that, I have a feeling I'll be able to enjoy my day a lot more.

[Anonymous]

OP keep in mind that elementary school kids are micromanaged throughout the entire school day. There is very little recess and every minute they are following someone else's routine. Kids enjoy sports and after school activities which are a little more relaxed but its still not free play. You shouldn't feel that you need to engage them in activities but just let them chill out and burn off steam. They are probably acting out more because they have all this pent up energy.

I also suggest not jumping into homework the minute they get home. Let them have some friends over to play or just run around the backyard. Kids this age love play dates and they entertain themselves. Afterwards do homework ad eat dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP keep in mind that elementary school kids are micromanaged throughout the entire school day. There is very little recess and every minute they are following someone else's routine. Kids enjoy sports and after school activities which are a little more relaxed but its still not free play. You shouldn't feel that you need to engage them in activities but just let them chill out and burn off steam. They are probably acting out more because they have all this pent up energy.

I also suggest not jumping into homework the minute they get home. Let them have some friends over to play or just run around the backyard. Kids this age love play dates and they entertain themselves. Afterwards do homework ad eat dinner.

I also agree that it's great to try and let them have a breather when getting home, but many parents have a few rules and one of them often tends to be Homework FIRST, then other play. So I get kids home, do a snack, then it's homework time and whatever. That way they get a tiny bit of a break, but we are also sticking to the parents rules of no playing/free time until homework is done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP keep in mind that elementary school kids are micromanaged throughout the entire school day. There is very little recess and every minute they are following someone else's routine. Kids enjoy sports and after school activities which are a little more relaxed but its still not free play. You shouldn't feel that you need to engage them in activities but just let them chill out and burn off steam. They are probably acting out more because they have all this pent up energy.

I also suggest not jumping into homework the minute they get home. Let them have some friends over to play or just run around the backyard. Kids this age love play dates and they entertain themselves. Afterwards do homework ad eat dinner.

This. Kids this age can and should entertain themselves; they might occasionally need a suggestion or an idea, but mostly they just need supervision and time to be kids. Send them outside to run around or put on some dance music while you make a snack or something, so that they can let off some steam.

[Anonymous]

I want to echo play dates if they aren't in sports. It sucks for kids to have a nanny that doesn't do play dates. During school kids don't get to socialize that much. Kids at aftercare get to play with each other and SAHM kids get to have play dates. Kids at home with a nanny often get stuck just with the nanny.

We were very clear when hiring a nanny that we expected to host at least playmates a week without tracking/requiring reciprocal playmates for the nanny to have no kids. (We don't care if there is playmate hosted at another house and the nanny has nothing to do but we're not keeping tabs for the nanny downtime.)

[Anonymous]

I'd love to hire someone like you. But if that's not what your boss wants or expects then you're setting yourself up for disappointment.