MB's mom's dying

[Anonymous]

I'm a part-time nanny, usually 3-4 afternoons/nights a week. I'm close friends with MB, she's wonderful and I love her. Her mother's been seriously ill and took a turn for the worse, so MB had to fly back home, and I was left with 4 kids every day for two weeks. Unfortunately her mom will probably not live past the weekend.

Now the question: I've obviously done a huge amount of overtime and she'll want to pay me, but I don't think I want to be paid, and I don't know how to tell her not to. There's the friendship and the fact that I adore the children and would babysit for them for free if the family suddenly couldn't afford to pay me anymore, but also she didn't go to Begas, she went to bury her mother.

What do you think, nannies and MB/DB? Am I being ridiculous? Have you been in a similar situation?

[Anonymous]

The friendship changes the situation. If you feel you can afford not to than do what feels right to you. I however am not close friends with my employer and expect to be paid for hours work, possibly at a discounted rate because of the situation. I also work for a living and can't afford not to earn an income.

[Anonymous]

MB here. Let her pay you and continue to be available for the extra hours if your schedule permits. We have had a difficult year with a death in the family and having someone trusted and loving to cover the kids for us as needed has been priceless.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yeah, it's my third job so I can afford to not get paid at it for two weeks.

[Anonymous]

Another MB here. I would not want my nanny to do me that huge a favor - I would feel awfully uncomfortable. But if you want to discount what she might normally pay for such extensive time then that's fine. But I would feel like I was really taking advantage - friendship or not.

[Anonymous]

I would charge a flat rate for each day...something a little less than if you charged for each hour...like $150-200 or whatever makes sense to you.

[Anonymous]

Take 1/2 your usual amount as a compromise.

[Anonymous]

OP, no good deed goes unounished. The time will come when you need extra time off with pay and you won't get it. Then you will remember giving her all this time and you will be resentful. Also,.your MB is foolish to allow herself to be so beholden to you. Discount your time, but do not not do this for free

[Anonymous]

I am sure paying you is the least of her worries. Knowing that you're really there for her and fully supporting her is what will matter to her anyway - that's where the real friendship lies. If you're doing everything you can to help and make things easy for her, and it sounds like you are, that's really valuable to her and what really matters to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sure paying you is the least of her worries. Knowing that you're really there for her and fully supporting her is what will matter to her anyway - that's where the real friendship lies. If you're doing everything you can to help and make things easy for her, and it sounds like you are, that's really valuable to her and what really matters to her.

I agree. Don't get bogged down in details or halfsies or discounted rates, if you want, tell MB not to worry about it. If she insists, accept payment. But by far, the most important thing that you can do is support her by providing reliable, trustworthy childcare. As a MB myself, I cannot overstate how important that is. You are already a huge help, OP.

[Anonymous]

Can she afford to pay your regular rates?

[Anonymous]

I expect that she will want to pay you, even if you offer to do it for free.

[Anonymous]

If you want to be flexible about how long it takes her to write your check due to everything she has on her mind, then go ahead. Telling her not to pay you is unprofessional. I get you're trying to be nice, but you come across as stupid. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

OP again.

I don't see how I'm being stupid but thanks for your input, PP.

As for MB's ability to pay, she can afford it, yes. It's more of a gesture than a consideration for her financial situation.

I also never get paid time off as we work on a daily basis - they need me, I can and I come, or they need me and I have plans and they get someone else. So I don't think I can develop a sense of resentment over that. She's always very fair and meticulous about paying on time.

As I mentioned above it's my third job, and we do not have a 'professional' relationship so I do not believe I'm being unprofessional by offering to waive my fees. Unprofessional would be letting the kids run wild, watch TV all day and eat junk food knowing she's out of the country.

Anyway, I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing here anymore. I've decided that I'll say she doesn't need to worry about paying me, but if she's adamant, I will of course not make it an issue.