How to handle this situation? I need advice

[Anonymous]

Today, my 3 year old charge started having a tantrum when I accidentally handed him the wrong toy (a stuffed animal that he sleeps with). When I realized what was going on, I calmly explained he could have it when he asked me politely. I'm typically not a "you MUST alway say please" nanny but you certainly won't get anywhere by yelling at me. This turned into a full blown temper tantrum. While dealing with the baby I continued to calmly remind that he needed to be nice, and that I wanted to give him the animal. It was shortly before nap time so I ended up just giving him the animal so he would go to sleep, he need asked for it.

I know that he was tired and that was a contributing factor, and I've also read that they get scared when they lose control of their emotions when they get like that. Every once in a while I don't mind of course, but he has melt downs all the time with his mom as dad, but never with me.

How do you handle your charges tempur tantrums?

Thanks!

Ps- I know someone is bound to be snarky. Let's keep the snark on topic.

[Anonymous]

"He need ask for it" should read "he never asked for it"

[Anonymous]

And temper. Sorry on my phone

[Anonymous]

In a pre nap time situation, I would have done the same thing, some battles just aren't worth it. My charge is 3 as well and we are slowly entering into tantrum territory, usually over things like the situation you described ( can't have a specific toy/snack/activity). I always give the opportunity for a polite request or an accepted alternative first. If that doesn't help and she goes full swing, I go into robot mode, let her know that when she is done screaming she may come speak to me about what she needs, and then Just leave the room. Sometimes she calms down in minutes because she just wants to be around me, sometimes they last for 30 minutes because she just really needs to scream (she has even found me to tell me she isn't done yelling before). I don't try to stop the yelling, I do try to minimize the physical damage, but above all, I want her to work on figuring out what she needs and communicating it in an acceptable manner. Sometimes what she really needs is just to lose it for a minute!

[Anonymous]

Pick your battles. You were right to give in

[Anonymous]

I try to set the kids up for success. Of course a kid will melt down when they're hungry, tired, or over-stimulated.

[Anonymous]

I sometimes try asking if he needs a hug, to see if that will help him calm down, and then make my request again. In this case, I probably would have done what you did though.

[Anonymous]

I think it was wise for you to encourage him to be respectful of how he talked to you OP. Children need to be taught at a young age that adults are to be respected at all times since they are in charge.

However since it was right before his nap time, this might have presented a challenge. It would be quite understandable if he wasn't necessarily in the mood to listen to a lecture at hand.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it sounds like many of us relax the rules a bit when a kid is sleepy.

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't often have tantrums with you, I see no reason to worry about it.

[Anonymous]

You were right to ask for a "please" but wrong to give in. That doesn't accomplish anything. Oh well, next time just wait to pick the battles.