Nannies, need help on how to select a nanny who won't be constantly on her cell phone

[Anonymous]

Frequently at the park near our house during the day, there are kids with their nannies or au pairs (I'm assuming these are nannies or au pairs, and admit that I could be totally wrong for a number of reasons). Without fail, pretty much every one of them will sit on the bench using their phone for the entire hour or so I'm there with only a nod or two in the kids' direction when the kid demands it. I'm find with a quick conversation or text if needed, really. But if I watched my nanny at the park with my child and she spent an hour staring at her phone while my kids played and basically ignored them, I would be really angry. I was just at the park today again and there were eight nannies sitting their on their phones the entire time we were there while I ended up playing with their kids along with mine. They're all different ages, so it doesn't appear to be an age thing.

Nannies, how do I screen for someone who will engage my child or at least will watch them when out? I don't want to pay someone to send the message all day to my child that her cell phone is more important than he is. Is this just the new normal with these smart phones?

[Anonymous]

I would take age into account here.

Usually younger girls are more attached to their phones. I see women in their 20's w/these newer phones practically glued to their hips. They constantly need to be checking their e-mails, Facebook accounts, etc. They also need to be available to any and every one.

Many older women were not raised relying so much on technology and are not as competent w/all the new gadgets so I would hire an older nanny.

Whoever you hire however, simply let her know that while making personal calls on the job is okay, let her know that you prefer if she keeps her calls in moderation during awake hours and save the longer conversations for nap times.

[Anonymous]

OP, you make it sound like you have multiple children - presumably old enough (3+?) to entertain themselves at the park - so I'm not sure exactly what you'd want your nanny to do while they ran up the stairs and went down the slide over and over again. I think we can comfortably assume that the majority of the nannies you see are engaged in constant play and supervision when they're at home with their charges. This kind of outing to a stimulating, self-entertaining location is typically the time that nannies (and parents) can disengage to a certain degree. Point is, I wouldn't assume that because a nanny is on her phone at the park that she's ignoring the kids all day long; this might be her only chance to encourage independent play and I'd think that was very healthy for all involved.

The best way to find a nanny who meets your expectations is to have CLEAR expectations. If your kids are building a block tower and she is sitting with them and playing, and then they turn around and start pushing their trucks instead, do you want her to sit there and stare at the floor until they want her involved again? Is it okay if she flips through a magazine or looks at her phone? Could she get up and go into the kitchen to prep snack? Think very realistically about what an entire day with your kids would look like for someone who doesn't have all the household obligations you have (i.e. she'll have a lot of downtime when she's with the kids but they don't particularly need or want her involved). Once you have a sense of what you'd be comfortable with, look for experienced and older nannies (30+) and be very explicit in your interview process about what you're searching for in a caregiver. This will allow them to determine whether or not they fit your standards and just in speaking to them about it you should get a primary sense of how on board they are.

On your end, you want someone who presents themselves articulately, who emphasizes communication with the parents as one of her priorities in a position, and of course someone who comes with stellar references. Ask any references if cell phone use was ever a problem or something they noticed, but press more in regards to how attached the kids were to her. A nanny who is legitimately on her phone throughout the day will not connect well with her charges because she isn't giving them the time and attention that sort of bond requires. A nanny who is on her phone when she can be but keeps the child(ren) as her primary focus will have wonderful bonds with them, even if she surfs the internet while they play at the park.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you make it sound like you have multiple children - presumably old enough (3+?) to entertain themselves at the park - so I'm not sure exactly what you'd want your nanny to do while they ran up the stairs and went down the slide over and over again. I think we can comfortably assume that the majority of the nannies you see are engaged in constant play and supervision when they're at home with their charges. This kind of outing to a stimulating, self-entertaining location is typically the time that nannies (and parents) can disengage to a certain degree. Point is, I wouldn't assume that because a nanny is on her phone at the park that she's ignoring the kids all day long; this might be her only chance to encourage independent play and I'd think that was very healthy for all involved.

The best way to find a nanny who meets your expectations is to have CLEAR expectations. If your kids are building a block tower and she is sitting with them and playing, and then they turn around and start pushing their trucks instead, do you want her to sit there and stare at the floor until they want her involved again? Is it okay if she flips through a magazine or looks at her phone? Could she get up and go into the kitchen to prep snack? Think very realistically about what an entire day with your kids would look like for someone who doesn't have all the household obligations you have (i.e. she'll have a lot of downtime when she's with the kids but they don't particularly need or want her involved). Once you have a sense of what you'd be comfortable with, look for experienced and older nannies (30+) and be very explicit in your interview process about what you're searching for in a caregiver. This will allow them to determine whether or not they fit your standards and just in speaking to them about it you should get a primary sense of how on board they are.

On your end, you want someone who presents themselves articulately, who emphasizes communication with the parents as one of her priorities in a position, and of course someone who comes with stellar references. Ask any references if cell phone use was ever a problem or something they noticed, but press more in regards to how attached the kids were to her. A nanny who is legitimately on her phone throughout the day will not connect well with her charges because she isn't giving them the time and attention that sort of bond requires. A nanny who is on her phone when she can be but keeps the child(ren) as her primary focus will have wonderful bonds with them, even if she surfs the internet while they play at the park.

This x1000

[Anonymous]

Okay the assumption that all younger nannies are attached to their phones really pisses me off. Some of us aren't and some of us know how to behave professionally. Also, has anyone bothered to consider that a younger nanny, having grown up with technology, using it is like breathing. She may check her phone/twitter/Facebook often but it takes literally seconds, and she has the ability to multitask. I'd say the older nannies actually talking on their phones/chatting it up at the park are FAR more distracted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay the assumption that all younger nannies are attached to their phones really pisses me off. Some of us aren't and some of us know how to behave professionally. Also, has anyone bothered to consider that a younger nanny, having grown up with technology, using it is like breathing. She may check her phone/twitter/Facebook often but it takes literally seconds, and she has the ability to multitask. I'd say the older nannies actually talking on their phones/chatting it up at the park are FAR more distracted.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP here - My kids are 3 and 6. Yes, they occupy themselves at the playground generally, but they will also ask me to watch them do things or catch them at the bottom of the slide or push them on the swing or any number of things. Also my 3yo will still wander off occasionally. I wouldn't just leave him at the park and not watch him a bit.

These nannies hardly even look up when the kids say something to them. And I watch some of the other adults there actually spending a bit of energy interacting with the kids and the nannies just sit there texting or talking on the phone, completely checked out.

And to say it again - it's not just the young ones. The younger ones are the texting and surfing ones, the older ones are chatting on the phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay the assumption that all younger nannies are attached to their phones really pisses me off. Some of us aren't and some of us know how to behave professionally. Also, has anyone bothered to consider that a younger nanny, having grown up with technology, using it is like breathing. She may check her phone/twitter/Facebook often but it takes literally seconds, and she has the ability to multitask. I'd say the older nannies actually talking on their phones/chatting it up at the park are FAR more distracted.

No one HAS to be on twitter or Facebook. You can certainly survive a playground trip without it, regardless of age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay the assumption that all younger nannies are attached to their phones really pisses me off. Some of us aren't and some of us know how to behave professionally. Also, has anyone bothered to consider that a younger nanny, having grown up with technology, using it is like breathing. She may check her phone/twitter/Facebook often but it takes literally seconds, and she has the ability to multitask. I'd say the older nannies actually talking on their phones/chatting it up at the park are FAR more distracted.

No one HAS to be on twitter or Facebook. You can certainly survive a playground trip without it, regardless of age.

I'm not saying they HAVE to do anything. Im not that type of person, I have to be careful not to leave my phone at home. Im simply pointing out that its as natural as breathing for most young people and doesn't take away from their focus like many older people would assume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - My kids are 3 and 6. Yes, they occupy themselves at the playground generally, but they will also ask me to watch them do things or catch them at the bottom of the slide or push them on the swing or any number of things. Also my 3yo will still wander off occasionally. I wouldn't just leave him at the park and not watch him a bit.

These nannies hardly even look up when the kids say something to them. And I watch some of the other adults there actually spending a bit of energy interacting with the kids and the nannies just sit there texting or talking on the phone, completely checked out.

And to say it again - it's not just the young ones. The younger ones are the texting and surfing ones, the older ones are chatting on the phone.

Not to toot my own horn, but I'm one of those adults you're talking about, and I'm a nanny. People almost always assume my charge is my own child.

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny. My MB and DB laid out in my contract what they expected with cell phones. Obviously the first rule was no using your phone in the car. The second was limited iPad and the texting when I am with the kids. I take what they expect very seriously. I might even do it over bored. My phone is set on vibrate except for calls from MB, DB, my mom, my dad, and my sisters. MB and DB have different ring tones. Basically I ignore my phone the entire day. I do annoy quite a few people.

It is not hard to stay off your phone. I will quick check my texts for an emergancy, but if it isn't life threatening I wait for lunch or when I am done for the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny. My MB and DB laid out in my contract what they expected with cell phones. Obviously the first rule was no using your phone in the car. The second was limited iPad and the texting when I am with the kids. I take what they expect very seriously. I might even do it over bored. My phone is set on vibrate except for calls from MB, DB, my mom, my dad, and my sisters. MB and DB have different ring tones. Basically I ignore my phone the entire day. I do annoy quite a few people.

It is not hard to stay off your phone. I will quick check my texts for an emergancy, but if it isn't life threatening I wait for lunch or when I am done for the day.

OP here. Perfect. How do I find you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny. My MB and DB laid out in my contract what they expected with cell phones. Obviously the first rule was no using your phone in the car. The second was limited iPad and the texting when I am with the kids. I take what they expect very seriously. I might even do it over bored. My phone is set on vibrate except for calls from MB, DB, my mom, my dad, and my sisters. MB and DB have different ring tones. Basically I ignore my phone the entire day. I do annoy quite a few people.

It is not hard to stay off your phone. I will quick check my texts for an emergancy, but if it isn't life threatening I wait for lunch or when I am done for the day.

OP here. Perfect. How do I find you?

Notice what she said, OP?

She said exactly what my advice to you was - be explicit with your nanny candidates about what you want and it will be fine. You'll notice if someone bristles at the suggestion that they not have their phone out all day vs. someone who says, instinctively, "of course I'll have your number on a special ring tone, though." So rather than get defensive about what your kids do at the playground (because again, there was no judgment in my post, only a recommendation that you think through a day with your kids very explicitly before conducting interviews), why not start interviewing nannies and see how they respond to your requests?

--PP 17:28

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny. My MB and DB laid out in my contract what they expected with cell phones. Obviously the first rule was no using your phone in the car. The second was limited iPad and the texting when I am with the kids. I take what they expect very seriously. I might even do it over bored. My phone is set on vibrate except for calls from MB, DB, my mom, my dad, and my sisters. MB and DB have different ring tones. Basically I ignore my phone the entire day. I do annoy quite a few people.

It is not hard to stay off your phone. I will quick check my texts for an emergancy, but if it isn't life threatening I wait for lunch or when I am done for the day.

OP here. Perfect. How do I find you?

Notice what she said, OP?

She said exactly what my advice to you was - be explicit with your nanny candidates about what you want and it will be fine. You'll notice if someone bristles at the suggestion that they not have their phone out all day vs. someone who says, instinctively, "of course I'll have your number on a special ring tone, though." So rather than get defensive about what your kids do at the playground (because again, there was no judgment in my post, only a recommendation that you think through a day with your kids very explicitly before conducting interviews), why not start interviewing nannies and see how they respond to your requests?

--PP 17:28

+100

It isn't torture to not use thing. If a candidate can not comply or shows hesitation.....move on to the next. I would suggest having it in the contract for sure. This way if you do find out your new nanny is glued to her phone, you can politely show her the contract as a reminder/warning. After that, she can't exactly talk herself out of why you need to let her go.

Be open and honest about what you expect! Give your reasons why!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny. My MB and DB laid out in my contract what they expected with cell phones. Obviously the first rule was no using your phone in the car. The second was limited iPad and the texting when I am with the kids. I take what they expect very seriously. I might even do it over bored. My phone is set on vibrate except for calls from MB, DB, my mom, my dad, and my sisters. MB and DB have different ring tones. Basically I ignore my phone the entire day. I do annoy quite a few people.

It is not hard to stay off your phone. I will quick check my texts for an emergancy, but if it isn't life threatening I wait for lunch or when I am done for the day.

OP here. Perfect. How do I find you?

Would have to steal me and relocate me from my wonderful family!

Just another forum discussion!

There is a wonderful nanny out there for you!