Micro-managing Boss-Is it time to leave?

[Anonymous]

Hello all. First time poster here.

I have two charges-really sweet kids. I work really hard and have never had any issues surface with my boss regarding my performance or anything like that-I do everything asked of me and more. I work 12 hour days (8:00-8:00). The one thing that really bothers me is that my boss likes to micro-manage everything...I mean EVERYTHING and it has gotten to the point were I dread going to work. I want to cry on Sunday nights when I'm prepping for the week. She is the most petty person I've ever encountered. I took this job because I needed it, I love children, it was great way to pay for school, and it worked for me. But now that I've been here for 1 year, I really don't know if I can take it. I'm not allowed to discipline the children, even though this is something we discussed during the interview process. Every time-EVERY SINGLE TIME I've informed her of an incident where I would discipline her eldest son I would be met with attitude and one million questions surrounding the incident-and I keep a nanny log...I don't mind giving a description of what happened, but I dont want to be interrogated after spending 12 hours watching you kids and tiding you home.
If I'm expected to keep a log, is it unreasonable for me to expect her to READ it? I mean, I don't mind having a mini conference at the end of the day-that is reasonable and what I've done for every job-but I'm not sure why anyone would expect you to run off the top your head EVERYTHING that is required to be recorded in the log (how many diaper changes and what time, how many total oz fluids did the baby have today, when oldest child went to the bathroom and tripped over his sock, which direction did he fall...) READ THE DAMN LOG!

Regarding discipline-I'm not spanking her kids...I'm doing exactly what we discussed-enforcing consequences for negative behavior (less TV time, no "bad" snack after dinner, quiet time alone for a few minutes) all of this was agreed upon yet is a problem when I enforce rules/boundaries. Whenever I explain to her details of her son's behavior (tantrums mostly, doesn't respect personal space, bullies younger child) she frowns her face and dismisses me-hours later when I'm relaxing trying to regain my sanity-she'll send me emails from alleged "experts" regarding how to deal with boys in his age group, or behavioral issues surround his circumstances...there is always an excuse and all of the info that she sends me that she finds off of the internet has yet to work! I've tried talking with her about this and I've told her that I'm doing my best with her kids but I'm not in this business to take orders from a five year old...I told her-"that's not why I took this job, it's not why you hired me". She was taken aback but, it's the truth-and in being truthful, this job is becoming more than I can take.

If I get a bad report re-her son from school or camp from a teacher/instructor, she wants to know everything from the hair color, age range, and demeanor of the person who gave me the bad report. She has even asked me how many spoonfuls of soup her eldest son had. I'm sorry, but I'm not counting spoonfuls-and I'm not about to start. That wasn't part of ANYTHING we discussed upon me taking this job-seriously, that's crazy.


I feel like it is time for me to start looking for a position where I can use my degree-this job has turned me off to the idea of nannying all together. I've had bosses that were difficult, but manageable. I understand that some parents can be overbearing (I'm one of 6, my mother was nothing short of overbearing) but if you want to know how many spoonfuls your kid had, maybe you should stay home and count them yourself. I'm not the kind of person who shouts "working moms should stay home if this and that" but I've never had someone so petty and so impossible-maybe she is someone who needs to be home with her children so she can monitor every bowel movement and spoonful. It makes me feel really bad because I feel like all of my hard work is overlooked and she really treats me like I've never done this before (this is my 5th family). I gave her references and I'm assuming she checked them-since she chose me for the job!


I'm not sure what to do-I like the kids, but when your boss makes it difficult for you to actually do your job-what do you do? Do you stay? If I'm dedicating literally HALF of everyday to the safety, care and happiness of your most prized assets, is it unreasonable for me to expect a little breathing room? You trust me with your kids for 12 hours but don't actually trust ME? As I noted I tried having a conversation with her but I'm met with attitude and articles about raising children from experts who either don't know what they're talking about or who are using a "one size fits all" approach to child rearing (because none of it has worked for her kids, even when SHE applies these principles/techniques herself.

I don't know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Time to move on ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure you aren't our novelist? Your endless detail gives you away.

[Anonymous]

OP here-
Not sure what you mean by "novelist" but I bought giving details would be helpful with regards to getting accurate advice. Wasn't trying to write a book, I'm sorry

[Anonymous]

If you're unhappy, then quit. It's easy.

[Anonymous]

You left out the important details about what the articles she sends you say to try...also how old the child is...

[Anonymous]

OP, I think your posting was very comprehensive...not a novel. LOL. No worries.

Anyway, when you get to that point where you cry...where you are dreading going into work, then that is when you tell yourself it is time to quit. Trust me on this. I have been a nanny for many yrs. now and have had many jobs where I would simply DREAD waking up and going into work. I would drive to work and be tempted to keep driving...past the house..and go anywhere..but to work, etc.

I have also had families who micromanaged the hell out of me and it drove me nutso. The fact that you have stayed as long as you have is quite commendable I must say. I say you are very dedicated and loyal as well as quite the professional. And you must love those kiddos!

Anyway, to keep your sanity in check, you must quit.
Give your notice ASAP. Tomorrow (Monday) if possible. Please do not leave the Nanny profession if this is truly your calling. I have had the worst nanny experiences, trust me. But I feel this is my true calling and I love love what I do and I now work for a family who truly appreciates all I do for them. Sure, it takes time, but keep the faith that there are some excellent families out there waiting for a great nanny just like you!

I wish you the best in your future endeavors.

[Anonymous]

This is not a good fit for you. Move on.

[Anonymous]

I'd quit but in the meantime, whenever she sends you articles from so-called "experts", you should re-send different expert articles or articles that dispute her article-claims.

However, she is the parent and if she wants time-out, etc then just do it. If she wants you to let her kids get away with murder thats a different story.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a great nanny. I wish we were looking!

[Anonymous]

From the way you write, you sound very reasonable. It also sounds like the MB is not willing to see her child's behavior very objectively and wants to rush to the conclusions that others are not treating him well. Her concern in most these cases should be his behavior.

You sound competent to gently stand your ground and continue if you are willing to do that (or if the pay/situation is otherwise good for you). However, it does sound like you have had enough, and that there may just be unresolvable differences of perspective between you and the MB. It might be nicer for you to search for another job and see if you can find someone who welcomes the structure and (very reasonable) boundaries you are trying to set with your current charges. I know I would be interested!