When does a play date turn into free babysitting?

[Anonymous]

So, my DMs love to volunteer me to host "playdates" for her friend's daughter and my two charges. A lot of times the playdates will be, say, between 8-10 when I then drive the girls to camp or lessons. I pick up the girls take them to lunch and the friend may stay an hour or so after we get home. Or last school year they would have an after school play date, an hour at most, and then I would get them all ready and take them to a class or activity and then drop them all home. This would happen at least twice, but sometimes three times a week. I didn't say anything last year because it just sort of happened, but I wanted to say something (if I am "right" in feeling taken advantage of, because I do) before schedules are set this school year. So, are these legitmate play date scenarios and I need to be more positive or is this a situation in which I should be compensated extra. And the friend doesnt have a nanny, so it is never reciprocated. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are being taken advantage of. You are in a part time nanny share and not being paid accordingly. I can see how this would sort of evolve out of convenience for carpooling, but the extended time with you and the regularity have now established a schedule. You need to address this with you MB/DB.

Sorry you are in this position. It is completely inconsiderate.

[Anonymous]

Yeah that doesn't sound like a play date. It sounds like you're the neighborhood taxi.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the replies. I hate having convos like these- it's not black and white, because the girls are good friends and play well together so I wouldn't want to draw a hard line. But I also don't want to feel resentful when I am getting three kids ready for an activity or feel like I am being taken advantage of by their parents.

[Anonymous]

Tell the other parents directly, that you're delighted to have snowflake along, and your "extra child" rates are:
whatever amount you want, per hour.

Smile.

You'd like to be paid in advance. Period.
Unless they're extra poor, let them pay you what you're worth. Your primary employers do NOT own your time. They pay you during certain hours of the day, to perform the duties you have agreed to.

Extra work = Extra pay

That simple.
Enjoy.

[Anonymous]

I'm a MB and I agree this is not fair if it is not reciprocated or paid for. But I would suggest that you approach it a bit more diplomatically than 08:31 if you are otherwise happy with your job and with the idea of formally taking on more childcare for extra money.

You could say "It is lovely to see how well X and Y get along and it is a pleasure looking after them both. Last year it seemed like X was spending a lot of time with us and I wonder if her mother would actually like to enter into a nanny share arrangement, which usually costs $x per hour per child. [We could choose certain times/days in advance OR We don't need to specify which days in particular, I'm flexible.] I don't want to seem unwilling to host playdates with X but it did feel like I was essentially a nanny to two girls rather than one about 2-3 times a week last year. Usually with playdates the other nanny or mom returns the invitation so it works out pretty evenly." Then take it from there. If she declines to set up a nanny share arrangement but keeps on getting you to care for her friend's daughter, then she's not a very good employer, maybe you should look for a better job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a MB and I agree this is not fair if it is not reciprocated or paid for. But I would suggest that you approach it a bit more diplomatically than 08:31 if you are otherwise happy with your job and with the idea of formally taking on more childcare for extra money.

You could say "It is lovely to see how well X and Y get along and it is a pleasure looking after them both. Last year it seemed like X was spending a lot of time with us and I wonder if her mother would actually like to enter into a nanny share arrangement, which usually costs $x per hour per child. [We could choose certain times/days in advance OR We don't need to specify which days in particular, I'm flexible.] I don't want to seem unwilling to host playdates with X but it did feel like I was essentially a nanny to two girls rather than one about 2-3 times a week last year. Usually with playdates the other nanny or mom returns the invitation so it works out pretty evenly." Then take it from there. If she declines to set up a nanny share arrangement but keeps on getting you to care for her friend's daughter, then she's not a very good employer, maybe you should look for a better job?

Great advice! I agree with this completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a MB and I agree this is not fair if it is not reciprocated or paid for. But I would suggest that you approach it a bit more diplomatically than 08:31 if you are otherwise happy with your job and with the idea of formally taking on more childcare for extra money.

You could say "It is lovely to see how well X and Y get along and it is a pleasure looking after them both. Last year it seemed like X was spending a lot of time with us and I wonder if her mother would actually like to enter into a nanny share arrangement, which usually costs $x per hour per child. [We could choose certain times/days in advance OR We don't need to specify which days in particular, I'm flexible.] I don't want to seem unwilling to host playdates with X but it did feel like I was essentially a nanny to two girls rather than one about 2-3 times a week last year. Usually with playdates the other nanny or mom returns the invitation so it works out pretty evenly." Then take it from there. If she declines to set up a nanny share arrangement but keeps on getting you to care for her friend's daughter, then she's not a very good employer, maybe you should look for a better job?

Great advice! I agree with this completely.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a MB and I agree this is not fair if it is not reciprocated or paid for. But I would suggest that you approach it a bit more diplomatically than 08:31 if you are otherwise happy with your job and with the idea of formally taking on more childcare for extra money.

You could say "It is lovely to see how well X and Y get along and it is a pleasure looking after them both. Last year it seemed like X was spending a lot of time with us and I wonder if her mother would actually like to enter into a nanny share arrangement, which usually costs $x per hour per child. [We could choose certain times/days in advance OR We don't need to specify which days in particular, I'm flexible.] I don't want to seem unwilling to host playdates with X but it did feel like I was essentially a nanny to two girls rather than one about 2-3 times a week last year. Usually with playdates the other nanny or mom returns the invitation so it works out pretty evenly." Then take it from there. If she declines to set up a nanny share arrangement but keeps on getting you to care for her friend's daughter, then she's not a very good employer, maybe you should look for a better job?

Great advice! I agree with this completely.

+2

+3. I believe if you follow this advice you will have a positive result. Good luck. I've been in a situation like this before with play dates almost every single day. I quit after 3 months...

[Anonymous]

Does the other family ever take your charge or is it only them coming to you?

[Anonymous]

11:57- never!

Thanks for the conversation starters- perfect!