MB wants me to do activities with HER friends and their children, not my Nanny group.
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Anonymous
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I have been with my family since the twins were 6 weeks old. After their first birthday MB started encouraging me to take them out, which is great! I've been apart of a nanny group through an agency for years. We have weekly meet ups with our charges at least once a week, and I had missed it since working with my NF. I told MB and DB about the playgroup at the interview, and they both said they approved of the twins going when they got older. As I mentioned, it's through a local agency and everyone has a background check and it's just really well organized. It's just a nice way for us to navigate the city and feel a little safer knowing I'm not alone with two toddlers. We go to museums, classes, parks, the zoo etc... It's also a great way for the twins so socialized, which is important IMO since they were pretty much home restricted for the first year of their life.
However, MB is always telling me she wants me to go on playmates with her friends, not my group. She has a circle of friends who are SAHM that have weekly gatherings, I HATE going. At first, it was alright, but by the third or fourth playdate I was the designated "baby watcher". We would go to someones house, they'd gather in the kitchen drinking wine and someone would say, "Oh, you don't mind watching the little ones for a bit?" Luckily, I nipped that one in the bud pretty quickly, now I'm just ignored. I guess they agree to allow me and the charges to come as a favor to MB, but they obviously do not enjoy my presence. No one is outright mean to me, but often cold and rude. I am "the help" after all, why socialize with me? I understand that this is not about me, and it's something I only have to deal with a few hours a week but I feel like my charges are missing out as well. My nanny group goes everywhere, it's a lot of fun for us and the children. Yes! The nannies enjoy themselves, we don't slack of but we socialize. The children are always our first priority, but sometimes we need that adult interaction as well. My guess is that MB doesn't want to pay me to "hang out with my friends" (keep in mind that I'm in my mid 20's, and the majority of the people in this group are middle aged or older. I enjoy their company, but we aren't really "friends"). I've tried to talk to her, but it's always, "Oh but DD and DH want to play with their friends!". Ok, they are 14-months-old they do not have friends. If she wants them to socialize with her friends children, then I feel like she should do that on her own time. I really can only take so much of these people! Advice? |
Anonymous
| Doesn't sound like much fun but you're there for the kids to socialize, not so you can. |
Anonymous
| "Thoughts?" |
Anonymous
| It's the novelist. Nice. |
Anonymous
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Options:
-quit -continue on the "mom" playdates" AND the nanny group playdates -sit down again and try explaining to the mom again -suck it , buttercup. |
Anonymous
| *suck it up, buttercup |
Anonymous
| Mom wants you to be her. Typical. |
Anonymous
This one actually sounds believable, you calling everything troll is getting old. |
Anonymous
| OP has an easily recognizable style and always gives us an ultra-detailed blow by blow account before requesting "thoughts?", and now "advice?" since she was called out on her "thoughts?". No one else does it like her, but you are most welcome to emulate if you wish. |
Anonymous
| It is not unreasonable for MB to want you to do play dates with her friends if the friends are open to it. I would blame the connection gap in good part on the age difference but everyone has to do stuff they do not like occasionally. I hate receptions but so be it - that is part of my job so I work hard to mingle and stretch myself during them even though it is uncomfortable for me. So long as you are not trying to meet your friends every day or say you cannot do the mom events because you want to meet your friends, I would try again to ask her about ALSO doing the friend outings. |
Anonymous
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I think you should do both. Remember that the kids of her friends are more likely to be their real friends in school, activities, etc. in the future. Its important (at least for your MB) to foster that relationship.
Your nanny group might be fun but the kids will not be forming long-term friends through it. Once you are out of the position, the kids will never see these kids again. |
Anonymous
| MB should make some effort to see to it that her friends are more welcoming towards the nanny. No one wants to feel like an unwanted outsider. Plus, that kind of senerio isn't doing the children any favors. It's awkward all around, and benefits no one except mb's fantasy in her mind. Children easily pickup on that kind of stuff. |
Anonymous
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Does she say you can't do ANY outings with your nanny group or just on the one day a week she wants you to go to the playgroup with her friends? I'm an MB and I would actually love it if my nanny had a playgroup like that for my kids to go to. At the same time though I could also see if I had a group of friends who had a weekly playdate I might want them to go to that as well. It's not because 14 month olds have friends but as they grow up together they will become friends and if my children couldn't go they wouldn't have that same friendship.
I'm not saying you shouldn't be able to do some of the outings with your group too. If it was me I'd let you do both. Have you discussed the possibility of doing both with your MB. If she's not open to it then it just might not be the right fit for you. There is nothig wrong with saying that and looking for a new job. You just need to make that decision for yourself. |
Anonymous
| Why are you so against feeling like the help when that's exactly what you are? Some of you nannies are in extreme denial. No one's forcing you to be in this line of work. |
Anonymous
Unless you're the CEO, you're "the help" at your job to. Congratulations! |