Mother's Helper - do I "fix" her or should I just suck it up?
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Anonymous
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A 17yo is helping me with my 3yo and 1yo. When 3yo says something that MH can't understand she yells "whaaaat?" And my kid gets frustrated that she can't be understood.
1yo loves being held and snuggling up, MH seems kinda distant when he approaches her. Like she tries to avoid getting too close to him so she doesn't have to hold him. I'm dying to place a camera in our living room. She dropped her phone several times trying to quickly hide it when I enter the room by surprise. The place is a mess when she leaves. Toys all over, kids dishes and food dropped on the floor. It's like a hurricane hit the house. She comes 3x a week for 4 hours. Just 3 more weeks till her school starts. Should I say something? If yes, what? How? |
Anonymous
| Why on earth did you hire her? Sounds like you'd be better off by yourself. |
Anonymous
| Yeah I know. At least the kids are not screaming hanging on me while I try to clean the floors. Or walking over the laundry while I try to fold it. *sigh* |
Anonymous
| She's a mother's helper, not a nanny. You likely pay her a lower rate, and it is to be expected that she will need more oversight. You should definitely sit her down and talk to her about your issues, if for no other reason than to help her improve for future jobs. Even if childcare isn't what she plans to do, there are universal truths about all jobs, and cleaning up after yourself is one. I wouldn't fault her for not being able to understand your three year old, some of them speak a totally different language, you just happen to know her better. Try to remember that your helper is 17, will naturally need your guidance, and you probably got a good deal on child care for the summer. |
Anonymous
| Where did you find her and what are you paying her? That will likely explain your troubles. |
Anonymous
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I'd find someone else. A mother's helper should enjoy kids - doesn't sound like this one does.
If you can't replace her then you need to lay down some rules: - cell phone gets left when she comes in - play areas need to be picked up at the end of her time - she must show patience in working to understand the older child and not yell Whaaaaat in response - she must be loving with both children But honestly - saying that the cell phone is off limits is one thing, having to instruct a teenage girl that she needs to be patient and loving w/ small children means that teenager shouldn't be working as a mother's helper. |
Anonymous
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Find someone else.
She isn't cut out for this work - yes, we all grow and learn over time, but if she doesn't want to snuggle with a sweet 1yo and doesn't instinctively know how to talk calmly to a 3yo, she just isn't enjoying the job. Let her go and get someone who really loves kids and communicates better with you (I was a MH at 17 and although I couldn't offer the quality of care that I offer now at 30, I was 100% committed to the work while I was there. I think that is an entirely reasonable expectation.) |
Anonymous
| I'd say to her, Brittany, the kids love you, and I love how much fun they have playing with you. I'd like you to try to do a couple of things though. First, before you leave please have the kids help you clean up whatever you were playing with. If it's easier for you, have them help you clean up one thing before going on to the next whenever possible. Second, my little guy loves to cuddle and you'd make his day if you cuddled with him. Please do not use your phone while you're with the kids. We both know I've seen you rushing to hide it from me. Lastly, kids learn best by imitation, so when you don't understand what DD3 said, please just say, "Excuse me?" or "Could you repeat that please?" so she learns good manners herself. |
Anonymous
I think this is good advice, minus the bolded sentence. That would be a recipe for defensive teenage attitude. |
Anonymous
| Ditto 12:36. On the other hand if this was for something long term then I would say to just forget it - so much laziness here it is astounding. But for 3 weeks no sense going thru the hassle to replace her. |
Anonymous
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I pay her $10/hour and her only job is to play with them. I leave the meals ready she has to supervise the 3yo eating and feed the 1yo.
I found her on CL and she had great references. |
Anonymous
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I think you should get a mature person to help, even though it means paying a little more. I can refer you to the nanny I have. She is really good ! The children love her! She helps me three days a week. She is very flexible with her schedule. we all love her so much and she is a mother herself.
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Anonymous
Maybe you should parent your children yourself. Why does a SAHM need someone for 4 hours a day? |
Anonymous
Because I can afford, jealous bitch. |
Anonymous
Classy, both of you 
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