How to get kids to be more appreciative?

[Anonymous]

My charges are 3 and 5..The older one is starting to kind of hurt my feeling because she isn't appreciative of anything I do for her at all. Example:today I took them somewhere fun and after we left I asked if they had a good time. And she started fussing saying no because I wouldn't let her play on some toy there(she was too old). I also tried to get her to tell me thank you.3 year old said it fine but she wouldn't. How can I get her to be more appreciative?It isn't just this one time either,it's like this every time that I take them somewhere fun.And she says she didn't have fun even though I know she does.

[Anonymous]

My kids are pretty demanding and don't appreciate much. They expect everything to be done for them, expect to win every time, throw temper tantrums if they don't get their way constantly. I chalk it up to them being spoiled. I do what I can but at the end of the day I'm not the parent. If their parents don't care that they're little jerks I cannot fix that.

[Anonymous]

Asking her if she had a good time open the door to focusing on what she didn't get to do. Try amending your question to focus solely on what she had fun doing. Some examples:

"What was your favorite part about today/outing?"
"What did you have the most fun with?"
"I saw you smiling/laughing when you were ____. I'd love to hear about that."

You might need to start things off with your own fun moment..."I had a lot of fun doing ____. Susie, what did you have fun doing?"

If she tries to answer with what she didn't get to do or didn't like redirect her to the original question. Let her know that after you guys talk about the fun parts you can talk about the parts you wished you could have done. Done consistently she'll learn to redirect some of her focus...or at least know you expect her to share something fun before she lists her complaints.

[Anonymous]

Kids can be self centered and unappreciative especially if they're fairly well off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids can be self centered and unappreciative especially if they're fairly well off.

But that's the thing though.They aren't like this at all with their parents and love everything they do.It's just me they're unappreciative for.Parents have gotten more demanding jobs a few and I have the kids a lot more lately.Could that be why?I've been with them for over 2 years,so I know it isn't just that I'm new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids can be self centered and unappreciative especially if they're fairly well off.

But that's the thing though.They aren't like this at all with their parents and love everything they do.It's just me they're unappreciative for.Parents have gotten more demanding jobs a few and I have the kids a lot more lately.Could that be why?I've been with them for over 2 years,so I know it isn't just that I'm new.

My charge are 4 and 6 and behave similarly. Mom can do no wrong but they're really critical of me.

[Anonymous]

Children are going to be less appreciating then, say, adults, because they think the world revolves around them. I'm not being snarky either but c'mon.. As innocent and sweet as kids can be they do think that.

If the 5 year old doesn't appreciate a fun outing tell her that you will skip **inset fun activity** but make sure you stick to it. She will be upset but maybe next time she'll appreciate the activity if it isn't just handed to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Children are going to be less appreciating then, say, adults, because they think the world revolves around them. I'm not being snarky either but c'mon.. As innocent and sweet as kids can be they do think that.

If the 5 year old doesn't appreciate a fun outing tell her that you will skip **inset fun activity** but make sure you stick to it. She will be upset but maybe next time she'll appreciate the activity if it isn't just handed to her.

I do understand that but when her mom does anything with her she is so excited and thanks her.It's just me that can't please her.

[Anonymous]

I'm hearing a lot complaints about how the kids are unappreciative. What are any of you doing to help them learn to focus on the positives? This isn't an overnight change or one that magically comes about by taking away a future outing b/c a child didn't have anything nice to say about the current one.

Help the kids learn to change their patterns of thinking. They will reap greater benefits from this than giving up, complaining, or taking away outings.

[Anonymous]

Stop trying to "please" a kid. Not your job. Your job is to care for them. Who cares if they're "pleased"? That's how you spoil them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop trying to "please" a kid. Not your job. Your job is to care for them. Who cares if they're "pleased"? That's how you spoil them.

Agreed!

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately agree with everyone else. Even the sweetest and nicest kids can be unappreciative at times. I LOVE the two children for which I nanny. However, when I took them to play at a park that they both loved this week and asked them if they had fun when we left the older girl replied "Kind of but not as much as I thought I would have because it was so hot and tiring." haha.

Sometimes you just have to learn to brush these things off. It doesn't mean that they didn't have fun. I would do like other people said and ask them specific questions like "How did you feel about doing this?" "Did you like when we did this?" "Wasn't doing ____ fun?" And of course you can always do the classic "What do you guys say?" after you do something and hope they pick up and say Thank you and then maybe they will turn it into a habit after you remind them enough times.