Fairly confident my nanny has posted here recently

[Anonymous]

Hello nannies and those who employ them,

I am fairly certain my nanny, whom has worked with us for a while and whom we've grown to love, has posted in this section recently. A friend of the family pointed us in this direction. I am very hurt about what was posted because up until now, I had no idea anything was bothering her. As far as I was concerned we had a great relationship but apparently it's an act on her part. She made our family out to be horrible people and over exaggerated on many things but that's besides the point.

I know she was just venting on an anonymous forum but it still hurts and to be honest, I'm not quite comfortable with her caring for my children after seeing the obvious resentment and unhappiness she is harboring.

My question is, I haven't informed my nanny about my findings but have talked it over with my husband and we plan on letting her go. Is this considered "cause" and what do we tell her exactly?

Thank you in advance.
~ Anonymous DC Mommy

[Anonymous]

Tell her that you hear that she is very unhappy at her position and you think it's best she work for another family whom she will be happier with.

[Anonymous]

You say you're "fairly confident". What if you and your friend are wrong? It's up to you if you want to try to solve the problems or try your luck with the next nanny.

If your children are attached to her, I would think it would be wise parenting to make an effort to put some work into reducing the friction.

No job is ever 100% perfect all the time and everyone needs a place to seek advice or support. If you're uncomfortable with her using this forum, what alternative would you prefer? Of course the best possible solution here for your children, is to strive for a resolution so their nanny isn't unnecessarily uprooted. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

You're going to fire her because .... of nothing? You *think* she posted on an anonymous forum but don't know that. So you're prepared to fire someone.

That's really shitty. And you want to fire her because ... she's not happy? Guess what? Sometimes EVERYONE is not happy with their job, but for the most part, we're happy to have a job, and we go in each day with a smile on our faces and a pleasant attitude. We do the best we can and then go home and vent in a safe place.

There's no job requirement that says you have to be happy and love your job.

[Anonymous]

No it is not considered "cause" unless you have confidentiality agreement which she broke by providing specific detailed information about your family. I would explain to her exactly what you found and how it has affected your view of her which has caused you to let her go. then I would reflect on why your nanny may have been so upset, she felt the need to vent on a public forum rather than speak to you about her unhappiness.

I wish your nanny best of luck on her search for a far more pleasant working environment.

[Anonymous]

Have you never complained about your job/boss? Complaining is the American pastime. If what you read here has affected your relationship, a mature adult conversation about it would be the more professional route. You can fire her if you like, but complaining about your job is not cause. I also assure you that your next nanny will not think you're perfect either. Are you willing to try to solve the issues and admit that maybe you aren't perfect? The fact that addressing her issues wasn't your first action says a lot about the kind of person you are, and she will be well rid of you if you let her go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you never complained about your job/boss? Complaining is the American pastime. If what you read here has affected your relationship, a mature adult conversation about it would be the more professional route. You can fire her if you like, but complaining about your job is not cause. I also assure you that your next nanny will not think you're perfect either. Are you willing to try to solve the issues and admit that maybe you aren't perfect? The fact that addressing her issues wasn't your first action says a lot about the kind of person you are, and she will be well rid of you if you let her go.

+1.

How do you know for sure that your nanny posted here? You are making an assumption and unless you have confronted your nanny and discussed your concern with her, I don't see how this is grounds for firing.

I love being a nanny. It's my passion. We all have days once in a awhile where we may feel the need to vent about something and is it possible that your nanny was just having a bad day? I love my job and believe communication is important if there is an issue to be resolved but maybe your nanny doesn't feel comfortable talking to you, even though you stated in your original post that you have a great relationship.

To fire someone for *possibly* venting on an anonymous board sounds immature and cruel to your children if they have bonded with your nanny. What is it that you believe your nanny said that makes you feel that she is no longer a good fit for your family?

Do you always love your job OP? Not many people actually love what they do for a living. I feel blessed to work in a field that's rewarding and 99% of the time I LOVE my current job but we're all entitled to have a bad day and vent.

Can you clarify what the nanny said? It shouldn't really matter since you're planning to fire her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you never complained about your job/boss? Complaining is the American pastime. If what you read here has affected your relationship, a mature adult conversation about it would be the more professional route. You can fire her if you like, but complaining about your job is not cause. I also assure you that your next nanny will not think you're perfect either. Are you willing to try to solve the issues and admit that maybe you aren't perfect? The fact that addressing her issues wasn't your first action says a lot about the kind of person you are, and she will be well rid of you if you let her go.

+1.

How do you know for sure that your nanny posted here? You are making an assumption and unless you have confronted your nanny and discussed your concern with her, I don't see how this is grounds for firing.

I love being a nanny. It's my passion. We all have days once in a awhile where we may feel the need to vent about something and is it possible that your nanny was just having a bad day? I love my job and believe communication is important if there is an issue to be resolved but maybe your nanny doesn't feel comfortable talking to you, even though you stated in your original post that you have a great relationship.

To fire someone for *possibly* venting on an anonymous board sounds immature and cruel to your children if they have bonded with your nanny. What is it that you believe your nanny said that makes you feel that she is no longer a good fit for your family?

Do you always love your job OP? Not many people actually love what they do for a living. I feel blessed to work in a field that's rewarding and 99% of the time I LOVE my current job but we're all entitled to have a bad day and vent.

Can you clarify what the nanny said? It shouldn't really matter since you're planning to fire her.

Exactly. Especially the issue of being cruel to your children, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP did it occur to you that if your nanny did post here, she likely reads these boards? You may not have to have an uncomfortable conversation or even fire her. If my boss complained about an anonymous vent I posted, I'd be quitting.

[Anonymous]

Trolling again, trolling again, OP is never happier than trolling again. Learn correct usage of who and whom. "Over exaggerate"? You English, or lack thereof, gives you away everytime you post.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am a MB and posting here would not be considered cause under the contract we have with our nanny, unless there was some confidentiality issue. We all have pretty standard agreements so while i cannot say for sure, I bet yours is similar. I can see how you would be shocked if what you think your nanny wrote was particularly scathing or unloving, but before you fire her, try to take a step back. First, are you sure it was her? There is nothing new under the sun in nanny/employer relationships, frankly, so just because you saw a post about an issue that you and your nanny recently had, it doesn't mean it was her. Unless you already had cause for concern with your nanny, I would hesitate to fire her without knowing it was her.

Second, assuming it was her, try to put some distance between what you saw and your feelings. Granted, I don't rant about work on an anonymous board, but I do rant. And frankly if my law partners knew what I have said about them on a bad day, they would probably be shocked and hurt too. But I don't always mean it. Usually I have embellished their awfulness and my awesomeness in order to get my husband or friends to agree that I was right and they were wrong. We all do this. I mean, have you seen the hyenas in the independent school forum on DCUM? Those women seem terrifying, but I am sure it is stress relief! She may have just wanted a reassuring chorus of amens from the other nannies here, and now that she burned off steam, everything is fine. Just consider that. Even with play dates, nannying can be very isolating, and at least for me, I would rather my nanny burn off her anger at me here than take it out on my home, me, or my children in all the little hateful ways unhappy employees could.

That said, if she truly sounded bitter and it wasnt just an episodic thing, maybe she is unhappy and there isn't much that can be done. You won't know that unless you talk to her. Say you saw it and thought it might be her. Don't say it in an accusatory way, and let her know that we all blow off steam and you don't truly care unless she is unhappy. She will probably say it isn't her, and you can respond "oh thank goodness, because we love you and would hate to think you are unhappy working with us." If it is her and she denies it, them you know she was just blowing off steam and doesn't want any trouble. Or it may not be her. Or it may be a chance for her to deny it, but feel comfortable raising an issue she has.

Either way, nanny/employer drama is so terribly personal, but try not to treat it that way. That said, if you can't let it go, or the post reflected some serious issue that you don't think a conversation can smooth over, then I'd follow the notice provision and find a new nanny. Only you know what is best, and I don't agree at all that finding a new nanny is cruel to your children. As long as the transition is smooth and not unpleasant, kids move on very quickly. There are a lot of cruel things parents can do to children - but replacing a nanny you don't like or trust (or one you think doesn't like or trust your family) with someone you all can have a positive relationship with is not cruel.

[Anonymous]

You tell her "I'm one of those adults that can't handle confrontation, so rather than modeling how to have a respectful discussion and showing how important my relationship is with you, I'm going to go ahead and let you go because I'm paralyzed by my own fear and inability to function in the world." You shouldn't have to say much more than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You tell her "I'm one of those adults that can't handle confrontation, so rather than modeling how to have a respectful discussion and showing how important my relationship is with you, I'm going to go ahead and let you go because I'm paralyzed by my own fear and inability to function in the world." You shouldn't have to say much more than that.

+27

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You tell her "I'm one of those adults that can't handle confrontation, so rather than modeling how to have a respectful discussion and showing how important my relationship is with you, I'm going to go ahead and let you go because I'm paralyzed by my own fear and inability to function in the world." You shouldn't have to say much more than that.

+27

+93

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You tell her "I'm one of those adults that can't handle confrontation, so rather than modeling how to have a respectful discussion and showing how important my relationship is with you, I'm going to go ahead and let you go because I'm paralyzed by my own fear and inability to function in the world." You shouldn't have to say much more than that.

+27

+93

+112