My Nanny's Same Sex Wedding

[Anonymous]

This was posted by networking nannies on Facebook this morning and I am curious to see responses here...
This was a letter to Nanny X

Dear Nanny X,

I'm the mom of four boys aged 5 - 17. My husband and I are fairly liberal Californians. Or so I thought. My Nanny of 9 years just 'came out' to us. I mean - not that we were told before her parents or friends, it's just that she's decided to marry her long-term GF. Someone we thought was just a good friend. And she wants us all to attend her beach front wedding in 2 weeks and (it gets better) wants to include our boys as attendants. We haven't told the boys yet because honestly I'm a little pissed. A) She's only just told us even after years of us asking her about her life away from our home and family, and B) I'm not sure I want the boys to be involved in a 'gay' wedding and so soon after they learn their Nanny is gay.

Am I just being a prude?

Ms V

http://networkedblogs.com/MIBLv

[Anonymous]

I agree, of course a nanny would never be required to share their personal life with their employer. This said, nannying is a very personal job and many nannies, including myself, become very close with their charges and MB/DB. After being with a family for years, I would love to share special events in my life with my nanny family. If, after sharing the invite with my nanny family, I found out they would not be comfortable with their children being involved in my personal life and wedding just because it was a same sex wedding, I would leave my position as their nanny because I would feel their family is no longer a good fit for me. I would not feel comfortable hiding a huge milestone in my life, such as my wedding, with my charges that are old enough to understand that love is love. I would want to be with a family who holds the same values I do.

[Anonymous]

I would go if the travel is convenient but say no to being in the wedding if my sons really didn't want to do this. My DD lives to be a flower girl but my son hates, hates this stuff.

If you haven't raised your sons to already know that men marry men and women marry women so this is all new, I can see your hesitation. DH and I both have siblings with same sex partners so for my kids it would be no different than attending a hetero wedding.

[Anonymous]

HYPOCRITES!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:HYPOCRITES!

What??? Who???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would go if the travel is convenient but say no to being in the wedding if my sons really didn't want to do this. My DD lives to be a flower girl but my son hates, hates this stuff.

If you haven't raised your sons to already know that men marry men and women marry women so this is all new, I can see your hesitation. DH and I both have siblings with same sex partners so for my kids it would be no different than attending a hetero wedding.

+1 If it were a local wedding and my children wanted to be involved, I would be honored to have my children be wedding attendants. We are very close with our nanny and I know our children mean the world to her. She has been invited to any major family events in our lives and I would love to be at any major even in her life. The fact that it is a same sex wedding makes no difference at all. My children know that "love is love" and that couples can come in many forms. Its not something my children would even think twice about.

[Anonymous]

The kids are going to need to learn about same sex couples sooner or later. I see no reason why the parents would not explain things to the boys. If they already know all about same sex couples, then what is the big deal? It was never a rule that the nanny needed to mention her personal life and who she is dating, but is obviously showing that she cares for this family a lot and wants to include them in one of the biggest days of her life.

I would leave it up to the boys if they wanted to be a part of the wedding, or go be guests. If not going, I would have them do something special for their nanny to show that they do care about her even though they will not be there.

[Anonymous]

Dumb dumb dumb.

1) Your kids don't give a crap if your nanny is gay or straight or bi or trans or short or tall or dark or fair or fat or thin or Christian or atheist. They will only care if you TEACH them to care, to label people and think of them differently. So don't do that. They should be thrilled to be a part of their beloved nanny's big day, they don't care if it's a "gay" wedding or not (I mean really, "a 'gay' wedding"??).

2) You're pissed that she only "just" told you? Since when is your employee's personal life any of your business? Particularly when the revelation of that personal life might turn you against her? I never told my employers I am an ardent atheist when I lived in the south - do you think they'd have been offended if I invited them to my secular wedding because GASP HOW COULD I NOT HAVE TOLD THEM SOONER? Maybe. Doesn't make it wrong for me to keep it private, though, just like your nanny has every right to decide how much to disclose to you.

This woman needs to get over herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree, of course a nanny would never be required to share their personal life with their employer. This said, nannying is a very personal job and many nannies, including myself, become very close with their charges and MB/DB. After being with a family for years, I would love to share special events in my life with my nanny family. If, after sharing the invite with my nanny family, I found out they would not be comfortable with their children being involved in my personal life and wedding just because it was a same sex wedding, I would leave my position as their nanny because I would feel their family is no longer a good fit for me. I would not feel comfortable hiding a huge milestone in my life, such as my wedding, with my charges that are old enough to understand that love is love. I would want to be with a family who holds the same values I do.

I agree...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dumb dumb dumb.

1) Your kids don't give a crap if your nanny is gay or straight or bi or trans or short or tall or dark or fair or fat or thin or Christian or atheist. They will only care if you TEACH them to care, to label people and think of them differently. So don't do that. They should be thrilled to be a part of their beloved nanny's big day, they don't care if it's a "gay" wedding or not (I mean really, "a 'gay' wedding"??).

2) You're pissed that she only "just" told you? Since when is your employee's personal life any of your business? Particularly when the revelation of that personal life might turn you against her? I never told my employers I am an ardent atheist when I lived in the south - do you think they'd have been offended if I invited them to my secular wedding because GASP HOW COULD I NOT HAVE TOLD THEM SOONER? Maybe. Doesn't make it wrong for me to keep it private, though, just like your nanny has every right to decide how much to disclose to you.

This woman needs to get over herself.

+1

[Anonymous]

The boys are 5-17 and they may be uncomfortable at a gay wedding even if the parents have never said anything negative about being gay. We live in an internationally diverse area and I've been pretty shocked at how how many families openly tell their kids that being gay is unacceptable. Even though we live in a highly educated, liberal area my kids are unique in thinking same sex couples are normal while their friends openly make comments about how it is unacceptable.

If this hasn't been a regular topic of discussion then the kids may have formed other opinions. If this is the case, its not appropriate to make them be in the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The boys are 5-17 and they may be uncomfortable at a gay wedding even if the parents have never said anything negative about being gay. We live in an internationally diverse area and I've been pretty shocked at how how many families openly tell their kids that being gay is unacceptable. Even though we live in a highly educated, liberal area my kids are unique in thinking same sex couples are normal while their friends openly make comments about how it is unacceptable.

If this hasn't been a regular topic of discussion then the kids may have formed other opinions. If this is the case, its not appropriate to make them be in the wedding.

Its a parents job to teach their children to accept and love those who care about them if that is what they believe!!!! Not to allow their children to "form their own opinions" based on their words of friends or other influences. Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The boys are 5-17 and they may be uncomfortable at a gay wedding even if the parents have never said anything negative about being gay. We live in an internationally diverse area and I've been pretty shocked at how how many families openly tell their kids that being gay is unacceptable. Even though we live in a highly educated, liberal area my kids are unique in thinking same sex couples are normal while their friends openly make comments about how it is unacceptable.

If this hasn't been a regular topic of discussion then the kids may have formed other opinions. If this is the case, its not appropriate to make them be in the wedding.

+1

And I don't blame the mom for being shocked if she never had an inclanation her nanny was gay. Anyways, if she doesn't want her kids in the wedding, that's her right and the nanny shouldn't feel offended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The boys are 5-17 and they may be uncomfortable at a gay wedding even if the parents have never said anything negative about being gay. We live in an internationally diverse area and I've been pretty shocked at how how many families openly tell their kids that being gay is unacceptable. Even though we live in a highly educated, liberal area my kids are unique in thinking same sex couples are normal while their friends openly make comments about how it is unacceptable.

If this hasn't been a regular topic of discussion then the kids may have formed other opinions. If this is the case, its not appropriate to make them be in the wedding.

+1

And I don't blame the mom for being shocked if she never had an inclanation her nanny was gay. Anyways, if she doesn't want her kids in the wedding, that's her right and the nanny shouldn't feel offended.

It may be her right, but I would be very very offended and leave the job immediately. It would not necessarily be that I was angry that they refused to be a park of my special day, but I would have found out their morals and views do not align with mine and I would no longer feel comfortable working for them. This would be very sad after years of working with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The boys are 5-17 and they may be uncomfortable at a gay wedding even if the parents have never said anything negative about being gay. We live in an internationally diverse area and I've been pretty shocked at how how many families openly tell their kids that being gay is unacceptable. Even though we live in a highly educated, liberal area my kids are unique in thinking same sex couples are normal while their friends openly make comments about how it is unacceptable.

If this hasn't been a regular topic of discussion then the kids may have formed other opinions. If this is the case, its not appropriate to make them be in the wedding.

+1

And I don't blame the mom for being shocked if she never had an inclanation her nanny was gay. Anyways, if she doesn't want her kids in the wedding, that's her right and the nanny shouldn't feel offended.

You're not allowed to say whether someone should or shouldn't feel offended. We're all entitled to our feelings, even when they aren't rational (although in this case, the nanny's offense would be completely rational).