Nannies help me prepare for bosses divorce process
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Anonymous
| MB called me this morning on the 2nd day of their 2 week vacation and told me she asked DB to leave due to cheating and lying issues. And that they will be separating and beginning the divorce process. MB has an 11yr old daughter, and DB has a 12yr old daughter. Together they have daughter age 7 and son age 2. 12yr old stays with us for the whole summer and all school breaks. The older girls have known each other since they were toddlers and are great friends. The older of the girls likes to try and start drama between any two people she can, especially her dad and stepmom so I am prepared for her being upset with her step mom for making DB leave and trying to start fights about MB. I also expect there to be problems adjusting to Daddy moving out of the house, especially with the little two. Any advice on navigating through this terrible situation? |
Anonymous
| You should definately be part of the kids' weekly therapy. |
Anonymous
| Her therapy is PRIVATE and not even her mother is a part of one-on-one therapy. You should get out of this now before you are sucked inyo tjeir divorce hell. |
Anonymous
| Of course you don't sit in on the therapy, but you have access to the therapist to ask questions, get advice, whatever you feel like you need. |
Anonymous
| Part of me says be a stable force in their lives, part of me says GET OUT NOW! I went through that as a pt nanny and my friend was tbeir ft nanny (that's how we met). We both testified in the dicorce trial and it sucked. Big time.my friend wa son the stand for 2 hrs and the moms lawyer was a total slime ball. Luckily my date was after hers so I knew what to expect and was prepared for his antics and gave him as much crap a he gave me. Anyway I had told my friend to leaave the family for a year before she did (i left after 3 mos)and she wante dto stay for the kids. She unded up leaving on bad terms with the mother and the whole thing was very unfortunate all around with some MAJOR discipline problems with the kids (fighting at school, one sibling causing two brothers to break bones etc.) Based on my experience, i'd say out. Divorce is extremely stressful and steess |
Anonymous
| Argh, stupid nook. Anyway my final thought is stress brings out the worst in peolple. |
Anonymous
| Get out now. You can't do anything to help a family in crisis this badly and it will shatter you. |
Anonymous
The therapist is NOT allowed to answer any questions about sessions. OP GET OUT NOW |
Anonymous
You sound super stupid. Of course the therapist does not answer questions about sessions, but should be required (by the paying parent) to help the nanny cope with the family drama if she wants to stay with them. |
Anonymous
| Ever hear of. HIPPA? |
Anonymous
The therapist can't give details about sessions. However the therapist can provide advice or suggestions on how best to help the child. The therapist can also provide thoughts on how the child is taking things. We have a great working relationship that both kids are seeing for very different issues. Both have been tremendously supportive and helpful in terms of where each child is currently at and what the adults can do to help the child move forward. Child therapy is a bit different in terms of the therapist needing the family to work together as a unit to help the child(ren). If the kids end up seeing a therapist for awhile the mother can absolutely ask the therapist for ideas on how to help the children cope and then share those ideas with OP. In our case the therapists have been authorized to share info with parents and nanny. OP: I don't think you need to get out now. I wish I had advice for you, but this is something I am unfamiliar with. Definitely keep open communication with MB and find out how she would like you to handle any potential communication with DB. Remain neutral. Seek some online as well as library resources that deal with helping kids through a parental separation and divorce. Reassure the kids that both their parents still love them. Good luck. |
Anonymous
|
You have no idea how this is going to play out and you could end up being let go as soon as money issues rise during the divorce process. If the father is leaving the house, it is highly likely that his 12 yr old will not be staying with the step mother. They will probably alter your pay and add hours or cut them. Don't let yourself be dragged into their shit...leave.
You are not these children's parent and will not be with them forever. Take care of yourself, give them proper notice and not gt in the middle. |
Anonymous
| As an MB I hope you can stay for the sake of the children. Assuming you like the children and the parents can still pay you, I would make sure you have a contract that requires sufficient notice and some period of guaranteed pay in case financial issues arise. Otherwise, the best thing you can do is to continue to provide good care for the kids and be open with the parents if you see that the separation is having a negative impact on the children. Hopefully both parents will have the children's best interest in mind throughout the process but if they don't, I would hope you as your regular caregiver don't abandon them. I understand the instinct to look out for yourself but these are children. If other moms and nannies on this board are suggesting that the right thing to do is to abandon the kids during this rough stressful time, then I hope these people think harder about what they would do. |
Anonymous
| 15:21, OP is a nanny and she does not need to get involved in the parents acrimonious divorce. Tough luck for the kids but it is up to their parents to look out for them, not the nanny. |
Anonymous
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16:02 , I understand OP is a nanny and thus her job is to take care of the children. I am not suggesting she get involved in the divorce. I'm just suggesting that she continue to do her job rather than jump ship immediately and possibly cause more trauma for the children. If you are in the business of caring for children, presumably you actually like and care about them. If not and it is really just about money, then perhaps this is not the right line of work for such people.
OP - I hope you can find a way to make this work for both you and the children. Good luck. |