We are a no to low TV house and just found out babysitter is letting them watch TV

[Anonymous]

I am really upset. We only allow our just turned 4y.o. one video per day - no live TV with commercials and only certain shows. When I hired our very part-time babysitter I told her no TV. DC slipped today and asked me for a show that we have never watched. When pressed she told me that the babysitter lets her watch TV on the 2 days that she is here. I really like this babysitter, but feel really violated. I have no idea what DC has been watching and feel like babysitter has been deliberately keeping it from me. I know other people don't care about TV, but I really try to control what my children are exposed to.

[Anonymous]

Simple. Fire her. I would.

[Anonymous]

We are currently still an almost no tv house, though I am probably less committed to that than you, but if you explicitly said no tv and she is defying that then you need to have a very direct conversation.

I wouldn't necessarily fire a caregiver I liked and trusted over this, but I would not let it go.

Perhaps you could sit down with her and say that you're aware she's letting your child watch tv, you thought you'd been very clear that that was not allowed and you're wondering why this is happening. Don't totally attack - go slow and give her a chance to explain why she's allowed tv, or demonstrate that she's aware she's openly defying you/not respecting your rules, or whatever.

Obviously I don't know anything about your situation, but in my house it's getting pretty hard to find a way to keep our toddlers calm and contained for a few minutes when necessary. There are times when I or my nanny need to change a load of laundry, answer the door, go to the bathroom, whatever... I could see where a sitter might need to keep a child settled for a few minutes and turns on the tv to do that. There's a big difference (in my mind) between that use of tv as a very occasional solution and letting a child sit and watch something for 30/60/90 minutes.

I'm not excusing what the sitter did - just saying that maybe you don't know everything about what's actually going on. You might feel that 15 minutes once a week is as violating at 60 minutes every day the sitter is there - or you might feel that the sitter needs better solutions that you can help figure out so that the tv doesn't become the answer.

I guess I'm really saying to not totally make up your mind to "feel really violated" without giving the sitter a chance to explain herself.

[Anonymous]

I think 9:11 is ridiculous. There is no circumstance where you need a television. What kind of person isn't capable of answering the door with a toddler in tow?

If you were clear with the babysitter that there was to be no tv, just fire her, OP. No need for any big heart to heart talks about what she's feeling when she turns it on, or sharing how violated you feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think 9:11 is ridiculous. There is no circumstance where you need a television. What kind of person isn't capable of answering the door with a toddler in tow?

If you were clear with the babysitter that there was to be no tv, just fire her, OP. No need for any big heart to heart talks about what she's feeling when she turns it on, or sharing how violated you feel.

Well, that's striking a nice compassionate note. And putting someone's job on the line based on the word of a 4 year old.

I hope you're not anyone's boss.

[Anonymous]

Ok you hired a babysitter and not a nanny.

How old is this babysitter, how much experience does she have, what hours does she work.

Perhaps find a new caregiver who is closer to your way of parenting and perhaps a nanny vs a sitter.

[Anonymous]

8:59 here. I happen to be possibly the only "no tv" nanny around. I am also one of the 'outrageously' high priced nannies. If parents asked me to put their child in front of the idiot box, I'd feel that my valuable time was being wasted and would move on.

[Anonymous]

Since your daughter is just-turned-four, a prime age for partially-but-not-entirely true stories, you might consider whether or not she was allowed to watch it once or whether the babysitter does indeed let her watch it every time she's there. If it doesn't matter to you, that is, if letting her watch it once is a fireable offense in your eyes, fire her anyway. If, however, a one-time viewing would sit differently with you than a regular activity, it'd be worth talking to your sitter about it to see what she has to say.

My inkling is that you're going to fire her either way, which is your prerogative. There are certainly sitters (I used to be one, before I was a nanny) who don't watch any TV with the kids (particularly if so instructed by the parents) that don't cost as much as a professional nanny does.

[Anonymous]

I'd check with the sitter--a four-year-old is not always the most reliable informer. But yeah, if you were clear about no tv, and she let the kid watch tv, you could fire her. I would care if it was a one-off v. a regular habit, though, and if it was the former, I would just make clear that I'm not okay with any tv at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd check with the sitter--a four-year-old is not always the most reliable informer. But yeah, if you were clear about no tv, and she let the kid watch tv, you could fire her. I would care if it was a one-off v. a regular habit, though, and if it was the former, I would just make clear that I'm not okay with any tv at all.

Agree. With several families that I provide as needed care, tv is not allowed, and even though I am babysitting and not a full-time nanny for them, that does not mean I'm not going to adhere to their preferences. If a sitter can't provide care without putting the tv on when already told no, she is either lazy, boring or just there for the money, which is fine but in child care, it has to be a little more than that.

[Anonymous]

I have been a nanny and am now a parent.
Our teenage neighbor (16) watched DD when she was 10 mos for a couple of hours. During that time she said "we watched toy story"
Im not thrilled that I was paying her to watch toy story but at the same time I want her to be avail to babysit again.

I would ask your sitter what the situation was, Does your child still nap? maybe she just put it on for 30 mins in the afternoon so they could both have a break.

[Anonymous]

I would address it with the babysitter and let her know again about the no tv policy. And then, if it happens again, fire her. You could also hide the remotes or block access to the tv.

And for those of you who do not think a four year old is unreliable, think again.

[Anonymous]

Op you should sit does with both your nanny and child and ask them both about the tv situation. Then go over the rules 1 more time so everyone is on the same page. If the tv situation happens again then you can fire her if you so choose.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone for the responses. I call her a babysitter because she is very part-time, but has regular hours that are paid even if we are on vacation. I really like her, so I guess I am going to have a conversation and hope that it clears itself up.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 9:11's advice.
OP- what do you mean when you said DC "slipped up"? Do you mean that babysitter asked DC to lie? To me, that's what "slipping up" implies, but can you clarify?
I feel like if the babysitter made the DC lie, that's a bigger deal than the 4yo casually mentioning it