AP constantly telling us what is better about her country
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Anonymous
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A few times a day, our au pair makes sure to let us know that something is way better in her country and isn't good in our country. It's stuff that is ludicrous. For example, we were in a restaurant and it was a little chilly. I said "oh they have the AC awfully high" and she said "it's so much better in my country - they don't have air conditioning anywhere so it's never cold like this." Everything we serve her for dinner, any candy she tries, any clothing she buys, any place we go, anything about Americans in the news is always an opportunity to tell us how it sucks in the US and its great in her country. She eats these sour candies from her country, so I got something very similar for her and when she tried them, she made an awful face and spit it out sayin it was way too sweet. I've had both candies and they are exactly the same.
It is slowly driving me insane. I have so far been ignoring it, but I need it to end. Any suggestions for how to suggest to her that she might want to keep a more open mind or at least not insult everything about the country and the host family she has chosen? |
Anonymous
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Well firstly, how much longer is she with you? If she's just finishing out this school year, keep your mouth shut. If you have several more months, then say something.
"Noelle, it's lovely that you love your country. Sometimes people like best what they're used to. Regardless though, you chose to come to the US, and we have opened our home to you with the expectation that you would be at the very least, a gracious guest. You've now made it very clear that you think everything in Whatever Country is superior to everything here. We've heard you. Loud and clear. We do not wish to hear it any more. Please stop with the comments to us about how everything in Whatever Country is so much better. Quite frankly, if you continue, it will change the warm feelings we have towards you. Thank you for considering our point of view." |
Anonymous
| This. Is the au pair Eastern European or German? They tend to be very ethnocentric and prejudiced against Americans as a defense mechanism to feeling inferior. Once I confronted my APs head on and assured them that I was not superior and respected their home countries, they knocked it off. |
Anonymous
...Not to mention the French, hence "Noelle"? Although I'd think best not to get specific here. |
Anonymous
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Thanks to all of you. I'm the OP. She is neither French nor Eastern European, but I won't say specifically where she's from because I know this is a issue people have with people from other countries sometimes and could probably happen anywhere. We have also had two other au pairs from this country and neither did this.
I'm ready for next time - I'm going to have to say something. I'll be polite of course, but this is seriously killing my good feelings toward her, as the PP said. It's also making me not want to do anything nice for her or take her anywhere or even cook dinner for her because she always lets us know its not good enough. |
Anonymous
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I understand, OP.
When I was an au pair in Europe (so many years ago) my host family used to make fun of the US at every opportunity. I put ketchup on my potatoes? Wore sneakers to a museum? Declined her offer of coca cola to soothe (??) my upset stomach? "American's are so dumb!" It seriously soured our relationship and I left after 5 months. No matter which side it is coming from, it just makes everyone feel unwelcome. I was in a position where I couldn't say anything to her, but you could talk to your AP. Let her know that you know she's homesick and culture shock is a very real thing, but you want her to enjoy her time here and that you're hurt she isn't able to appreciate the effort you're putting in to showing her how things are here. Tell her she doesn't have to prefer it or even pretend to, but that by looking at it with a more positive perspective she'll improve her relationship with you as well as her overall experience. Good luck. |
Anonymous
Change the warm feeings? America is not the best country and the AP has every right to state her opinion. Ignore her or don't but if you say something expect an AP whose feelings towards YOU might not be so warm. |
Anonymous
| It'a not a matter of being entitled to stating your opinion. I would imagine that most cultures have a norm of "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." It's also not just sharing her culture. It's actively insulting mine. And it's not just things that are fact - indeed, there are things about the US that suck, definitely. It's an active choice to disparage everything that is US-identified as compared to how awesome everything (literally everything and everyone) is in her country and making sure we know it. If you can't understand how that would be annoying and upsetting, particularly in a cultural exchange program where you're SUPPOSED to be making an effort yo share your culture, then you are being deliberately obtuse. |
Anonymous
Hi there troll. Wondering when you were going to come from under your bridge today. How'd you like the rain? |
Anonymous
I am a foreigner, and OP's post made me smile because I may understand how aspects of US life may seem strang to a foreigner (don't get me started with the AC, and the need for a coat in the summer to go grocery shopping), and that a foreigner may think that some things are better in his/her country. It is not the point whether the US is the best country (to me it depends for what), or wether the AP is entitled to her opinion (she definitely US, especially in the US I think). The issue is whether it is polite to grace your host with a barrage of comments on how everything you get here is so much better in your home country. I think this is not polite. Also, if you chose to live abroad for a year, you should be open to experience a new world and a new society, you should be curious to understand the place you have the change you live for a while. I love my country dearly, life for some aspects is much better there, but I appreciate somke aspects of life in the US and I am still curious, after over 10 years here, to learn and understand. OP's AP seems immature, frankly stupid, and not very polite. while OP can do soemthing about politeness by talking to her, I am afraid there is nothing she can do about the stupidity. This AP is not going to get much from her experience in the US |
Anonymous
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..........................oh Lord............. I wish I could see their faces while you assure them that you are not superior. |
Anonymous
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Interesting thread. I actually encouraged my AP to tell me about differences between the US and her country -- good and bad. Part of the AP experience is to learn something about the AP's country. I was pretty clueless and now have a good sense of the differences and it is fascinating.
So is there any chance she is just trying to share the differences and doesn't understand the negative way she is comparing? |
Anonymous
Clearly you don't like it here, so leave. |
Anonymous
You sound like an inferior AP or a troll. Nobody has a gun to your head to keep you in the US. In fact, we prefer you leave and take your bad attitude with you. |
Anonymous
Sour candies sounds a lot like Finland or Sweden,maybe even Norway? not trying to provoke here I could very well be wrong 
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