approaching nanny about toics of concern or just a touch point on performance review

[Anonymous]

In general I like my nanny... i know there are levels of engagement I can't expect fro her. i don't expect her to be perfect.. I understand limited phone use and even giving the kids time to be alone etc.. I don't expect her to be totally different than me, but that said, I am paying her and she doesn't have any other responsibilities (no cleaning, no cooking, no bathing, etc..I don't make her do anything)... A few times my husband has come home at lunch and she's been on the phone or the 1 year old was downstairs alone (around stairs and plugs etc.) with a shoe in his mouth and she was upstairs (I believe with my daughter..) .. Another time my daughter was in my office and the baby was asleep and the nanny was alone in the kitchn family room area...
i never catch her.. so it's all what my husband tells me..
I am the one that talks with and deals with the nanny so i am trying to figure out how to or if I should approach her on these things.
i don't think anything bad is necessarily a regular activity but i do feel she's gotten a little lazy and maybe takes advantage of things with her situation
I don't know how to talk to her since I can't prove anyting, i know she'll have an excuse for something.. i don't want to ruffle any relatinships etc...
but at the same time, finding a new nanny is not hard to do...
Can anyone share any suggestions/advice for how or if to aproach this?
it weighs on me heavily..
I might add that I pay her well, am very accommodaing.. i have my older daughter in school or play dates.. i often take her out with me so the nanny just deals with the baby for the most part..

this is my first experience with a nanny but I have had her for a few years..

[Anonymous]

Fire her and find a better nanny.

[Anonymous]

Grow a spine. You are concerned about the care she's providing your children, based on firsthand observation by your husband, but you don't want to "ruffle any relationships"? Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In general I like my nanny... i know there are levels of engagement I can't expect fro her. i don't expect her to be perfect.. I understand limited phone use and even giving the kids time to be alone etc.. I don't expect her to be totally different than me, but that said, I am paying her and she doesn't have any other responsibilities (no cleaning, no cooking, no bathing, etc..I don't make her do anything)... A few times my husband has come home at lunch and she's been on the phone or the 1 year old was downstairs alone (around stairs and plugs etc.) with a shoe in his mouth and she was upstairs (I believe with my daughter..) .. Another time my daughter was in my office and the baby was asleep and the nanny was alone in the kitchn family room area...
i never catch her.. so it's all what my husband tells me..
I am the one that talks with and deals with the nanny so i am trying to figure out how to or if I should approach her on these things.
i don't think anything bad is necessarily a regular activity but i do feel she's gotten a little lazy and maybe takes advantage of things with her situation
I don't know how to talk to her since I can't prove anyting, i know she'll have an excuse for something.. i don't want to ruffle any relatinships etc...
but at the same time, finding a new nanny is not hard to do...
Can anyone share any suggestions/advice for how or if to aproach this?
it weighs on me heavily..
I might add that I pay her well, am very accommodaing.. i have my older daughter in school or play dates.. i often take her out with me so the nanny just deals with the baby for the most part..

this is my first experience with a nanny but I have had her for a few years..

There are so many options here.

You could fire her and hire another (hopefully better) nanny, but no nanny comes with a guarantee so you'll be better off figuring out how to have this conversation whether you keep her or get someone new (most nannies will need some kind of performance review at some point).

What you don't want to do is phrase anything in a way that gives her a chance to offer an excuse. Re: the baby sleeping, toddler in your office, nanny alone in the other room - maybe your daughter had just wandered in there, maybe nanny had just left the office, maybe a million things no one knows. The issue is that you want her to be clear that your children are her first priority when she's on the clock. So say that. You can say, "I'm concerned that your attention is not always focused on the kids, and of course I understand that sometimes DD needs independent play and sometimes you need a minute to make a phone call or take a mental break, but I want to emphasize my expectation that they will be your only focus during working hours and that the baby will never be left unattended unless she's secured in her high chair/exersaucer/crib." Hard to argue against that but it gives you a base point so the next time someone "catches" her not paying attention to the kids, you can reference that conversation and perhaps issue a formal warning if appropriate. You could also consider installing a nanny cam after this discussion, just let her know - say, "Because we've had some concerns recently we've installed a few nanny cameras in the common areas of the home." She doesn't need more of an explanation than that, although she does deserve to know you're installing them, and that will give you the ability to gauge whether this is an all-day thing or if it just happens occasionally and unfortunately when your husband arrives home.

You might also consider giving her some other things to do around the house. I know if I didn't do any housekeeping I would get really bored trying to keep my attention 100% focused on a toddler. They are cute and fun but they aren't that compelling! Asking her to sanitize toys (wiping them down with a 50/50 vinegar/water solution) for instance would give her something to do while she sat and played with your daughter.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine a nanny leaving a one year old in a room alone, for any reason, unless he or she were safely in a crib. You might want to reconsider whether this nanny is worth holding on to. In my experience, nannies are either conscientious or not. It's not something you can train or manage into them.

If you do want to keep her, just sit her down and tell her that you are concerned about what you are hearing from your husband, and that it is important to you that she keep both kids within her eyesight at all times unless they are sleeping, limit phone calls of more than one minute to times when the children are asleep, etc. Since she seems to be having trouble keeping the kids engaged on her own initiative, you might also want to put her on a schedule that requires her to do specific activities with them each day, e.g., minimum one hour of playground time each day, at least one walk each day, minimum 1/2 hour of reading to each kid, classes at the library or one of various private outlets a couple of times per week, singalongs, weekly dance contests (basically consisting of playing music and dancing with the kids til someone drops out in exhaustion), one creative teaching activity per day (get some books to help her). If she's bored, she may welcome the structure. If she's lazy, she'll probably resent it and quit, and you can find someone better.

[Anonymous]

Try popping in on her yourself from time to time to assess the situation yourself.. I'm not saying DH is lying about what he is seeing, but it could be a misunderstanding.
But you said you only liked your nanny... It all depends on if you would rather spend time sorting things out with your current nanny, or pursuing a nanny that you LOVE. My MB remind me often that shes "never letting me go" and whenever I meet family/ friends they all tell me how much mb talks about me and loves me. And my charges practically push their parents out the door to play with me.. I love my job and I cook/clean for them just because I enjoy the family so much. Basically I am saying it is possible to have a great nanny/mb relationship and there are better nannies out there.. Look for it.