Am I the only nanny who wouldn't hire a nanny?

[Anonymous]

Well, first off I probably couldn't afford it. So, I will be honest and let that be known. I love my charges, and think I am a good nanny however this experience has made me realize how much I experience with my charges versus their parents. I am in no way trying to talk negatively about working parents, not at all. I just think when (and if) I ever become a parent I would not want to hire a nanny. I guess I may just be worried that my child wouldn't bond with me well?

[Anonymous]

I've decided this as well. I would like to be a sahm when the time comes to having children. My decision has nothing to do with not liking nannies or anything though.

[Anonymous]

I guess I can't say much now, since who knows how my life will be once I have children.

[Anonymous]

Why has your experience as a nanny suggested that children don't bond well with their mothers if they have a nanny? That has not been my experience at all.

[Anonymous]

MB here, working FT I definitely feared that my ability to bond might be surpassed by my nanny's as she has been with us pretty much since DC1 was born 3 years ago. My fears were allayed the first time DC1 hurt himself while both nanny and I were in the room. DC1 came running to me for comfort. Yes, the nanny has a bond with DCs, but its not the same as mine and the children.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm not sure how old you are, but many of us working parents grew up assuming that we'd stay home with kids.

The world often looks different once you actually have the children. For some, the decision comes down to money. For others, it is the fact that they invested heavily in grad school and a professional career before the kids arise. However, I also know a lot of women who gave up their careers to stay home with kids, and on average, they are far more profoundly unhappy than their working peers. They don't regret being with the kids per se, but they are depressed about what that cost them in terms of marital harmony and personal identity, especially as the kids become independent. Don't underestimate the strain that a marriage endures when one parent is exhausted from work at the end of the day but the other is just dying for someone to make her feel that she is still interesting, still attractive, still smart and competent and capable of supporting herself if she needs to, and most of all, still appreciated for all the energy she pours into those needy kids who seem to take it all for granted (as even the most well adjusted kids typically do). Staying home just isn't as simple a choice as it seems at twenty-five when everything is hypothetical.

Also, you may feel like you experience more with your charges than they experience with their parents, and that may be true in the sense that you have more time during the pre-school years to do fun things with them. However, children are able to form strong bonds with nannies and parents at the same time, and the parent bond tends to deepen over time while the nanny bond tends to be intense but short-lived. I'm not saying that the nanny bond doesn't matter--it does--it's just not a threat to a healthy, meaningful, parent-child bond. Consider also that working moms can often afford for their families to have memorable experiences that single income families cannot afford. As children get older and enter school, these kind of experiences become more significant to kids than the bubbles they blew with the nanny at age two.

Don't misunderstand me. There is nothing with choosing to be a SAHM and working moms definitely make sacrifices in terms of enjoying time with their kids in the early years. Just recognize that, as a nanny, your perspective on the relevant cost-benefit analysis is quite limited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why has your experience as a nanny suggested that children don't bond well with their mothers if they have a nanny? That has not been my experience at all.

I have two charges, and I've noticed that the youngest (who I've been with six she was a newborn) has bonded to me very strongly. I work about 50+ hours a week, and spend a lot of time with them...but I know it hurts MB when the LO cries for me, or comes to me versus her mother. I hate it, because I know if I were in her position my heart would break. The oldest is defiantly more bonded to mom, but neither are that bonded to the father.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here- I work 60-70 hrs a week and I'll never ever have a nanny. The kids are so bonded to me (I've been with both since they were born) and never cry for their Mom. When she leaves for work they don't really care. They love her of course, she is their mom. But I don't think the bond is as strong as it would be if she was the one with them full time. The relationship with kids and their nanny is so intimate, especially if you've been there since they were born. I couldn't handle that. My MB is great but she doesn't need to work they are millionaires many times over. If I were her, I'd stay home and raise my own kids instead of seeing them 1hr a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here- I work 60-70 hrs a week and I'll never ever have a nanny. The kids are so bonded to me (I've been with both since they were born) and never cry for their Mom. When she leaves for work they don't really care. They love her of course, she is their mom. But I don't think the bond is as strong as it would be if she was the one with them full time. The relationship with kids and their nanny is so intimate, especially if you've been there since they were born. I couldn't handle that. My MB is great but she doesn't need to work they are millionaires many times over. If I were her, I'd stay home and raise my own kids instead of seeing them 1hr a day.

This is almost exactly my situation.

[Anonymous]

I probably won't ever have a nanny. The main reason being that I probably won't have enough money to pay a good nanny what she is worth. I wouldn't want to be one of those employers that looks for the cheapest nanny because it's all I can afford. Secondly, I'm not sure I would feel like I could trust a nanny with my child and home. Maybe I have trust issues or I've been traumatized by those horrific nanny cam videos but I would always be worried.

I know I am a good nanny. I care about my charges like they are my own family but I don't know that all nannies do.

[Anonymous]

I'm 26 and have been nannying for 8years. I will never have a full time nanny for my children because I'm a control freak. After majoring in early childhood and spending years raising children, I don't think anyone would live up to my standards.
I'd probably get a part time nanny or mothers helper in the early years so I can get a break but the majority of the time I will be with my children. When I was engaged, my ex and I spoke about me just continuing to nanny with our first child until his career took off. That relationship ended, but the idea of taking my child to work is still a strong possibility. I'm content living in a nice condo with a paid off car then striving for the mini mansion and new cars every three years; I rather save my money and be with my kids. But I've always been Maternal and never saw myself in the corporate world. I grew up poor and learned that material things mean nothing.

[Anonymous]

I'd never want anyone else to be with my baby more "awake" hours than I was. That's where the critical nature of attatchment kicks in.

[Anonymous]

Unless she needed the income and had family who could watch her baby for free, why would a nanny ever hire another nanny? If you were a doctor, lawyer, teacher, or in a career profession it can make sense but hiring a nanny for your child while you are being a nanny for another child? It just wouldn't make any sense.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you get to weigh in on this unless you actually have kids. Seriously, I don't mean to be insulting, but you really can't imagine what your situation is going to be and how you'll feel when you do have your children.

[Anonymous]

Probably not. If i could afford one, I would want to give her a decent salary and as many perks as i can afford. I think this job is different from most regular 9-5 jobs because it is in someone's home. I certainly don't want to judge my bosses but at times i do. Especially with their finances when they say they can't give me a raise but i know otherwise. As a nanny it seems more in your face because you see receipts and the actual purchases. (correct me if i'm wrong). Plus there are just too many cheap parents out there. I don't want to be one of them. Maybe my thinking has been affected by my last two jobs that i felt didn't respect me as a nanny. I'm still looking now and there are many families who don't offer a decent wages. I certainly wouldn't be thinking my nanny is in it because she loves kids. If i found one like that, i would consider myself lucky! Many nannies are really not. I don't buy into the 'nanny is part of the family' thinking. I believed it when i first started until i got a wake up call. It is a job and they just want to do their job well and get paid decently.