Reply to Am I the only nanny who wouldn't hire a nanny?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm not sure how old you are, but many of us working parents grew up assuming that we'd stay home with kids.

The world often looks different once you actually have the children.  For some, the decision comes down to money.  For others, it is the fact that they invested heavily in grad school and a professional career before the kids arise.  However, I also know a lot of women who gave up their careers to stay home with kids, and on average, they are far more profoundly unhappy than their working peers.  They don't regret being with the kids per se, but they are depressed about what that cost them in terms of marital harmony and personal identity, especially as the kids become independent.  Don't underestimate the strain that a marriage endures when one parent is exhausted from work at the end of the day but the other is just dying for someone to make her feel that she is still interesting, still attractive, still smart and competent and capable of supporting herself if she needs to, and most of all, still appreciated for all the energy she pours into those needy kids who seem to take it all for granted (as even the most well adjusted kids typically do).  Staying home just isn't as simple a choice as it seems at twenty-five when everything is hypothetical.

Also, you may feel like you experience more with your charges than they experience with their parents, and that may be true in the sense that you have more time during the pre-school years to do fun things with them.  However, children are able to form strong bonds with nannies and parents at the same time, and the parent bond tends to deepen over time while the nanny bond tends to be intense but short-lived.  I'm not saying that the nanny bond doesn't matter--it does--it's just not a threat to a healthy, meaningful, parent-child bond.  Consider also that working moms can often afford for their families to have memorable experiences that single income families cannot afford.  As children get older and enter school, these kind of experiences become more significant to kids than the bubbles they blew with the nanny at age two.

Don't misunderstand me.  There is nothing with choosing to be a SAHM and working moms definitely make sacrifices in terms of enjoying time with their kids in the early years.  Just recognize that, as a nanny, your perspective on the relevant cost-benefit analysis is quite limited.[/quote]

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