Occassional sitters - how to find? How to manage with child with stranger anxiety?

[Anonymous]

Hi - I'm a FTM and some of these questions may be really stupid, but I just don't know the answers.

DH and I would like to find someone to occasionally babysit for our daughter. Not necessarily a set schedule, just a Saturday evening or Sunday afternoon here and there.

When I was a teenager, I used to babysit all the time. But, from talking with people who have teenage daughters, it seems that very few teenagers babysit anymore. We live out in the MD suburbs and our neighborhood doesn't have a listserve.

So, my first question is, how does one go about finding an occasional sitter? Do people still do this? All of my friends just use family members, so they have no one to recommend.

My second, and more bothersome question is, how do you make it work with a young toddler with separation/stranger anxiety? DD just turned one and definitely has separation/stranger anxiety. I can't imagine how we could leave her with someone she only sees once every week or two. How have other navigated this? DH suggested we just have someone come at 9pm, after DD is in bed (she sleeps through the night), and just pay someone to watch TV and make sure the house doesn't burn down around DD. I'm fine with that in theory, but would eventually like to get to the point where we can leave the house while the baby is awake, and have the sitter feed her and put her to bed.

Sorry, I know all that was a bit rambling. But, if anyone has any advice or suggestions, I'd love to hear it! Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Set up "play dates" with you and the sitter together so your child can get to know the sitter while still feeling safe with you. And I found all my occasional sitting jobs on care.com or sittercity

[Anonymous]

With the separation anxiety (which is completely normal, by the way ), it could be very helpful to have the sitter come over some days to get to know DD. Have her play with you and DD.
Depending on how they're doing, leave the room for a few minutes, or step around the corner. Don't make a big deal of it, but don't sneak out.
They could even play outside in the backyard doing something DD loves (sprinkler? sidewalk chalk? bubbles?) while you're inside doing laundry/cooking/paying bills/etc.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the advice above - try sittercity or care.com as well as any nearby universities (a lot of college and grad students do childcare for an income). Also try to introduce the sitter to your daughter while you're there and not going anywhere. If she has a normal level of anxiety, once should be enough. If she is extremely reactive (ie will scream until you come home no matter what the sitter does) you'll want to look up some step by step instructions for helping her acclimate. I'd type them here but I'm on my phone but it basically means a very gradual process - leave for five minutes, then ten, gradually increasing your distance and time away.

[Anonymous]

Try your neighborhood listservs to find teenagers, or occasional babysitters - they're still around but it's really word of mouth.

Re the separation anxiety - yes, it's totally normal and will probably come and go over the next year or so. Having your daughter meet and get to know a potential sitter is a good idea.

But I can also tell you that I have learned the lesson about how quickly a child (or in my case twins) will adjust to a new person when the parents are gone. We have learned that there is TREMENDOUS DRAMA when one of our kids knows we're in the house. But if we're really gone and the sitter takes the kids outside to play, or to the park, or whatever, all is forgotten almost instantly. So sometimes the trick is in getting out of the way of the babysitter (especially if they really know what they're doing) and positioning the sitter for success by having fun active things they can do w/ your daughter.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Where are you located???

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you! This was helpful, and gives me hope that I will eventually be able to leave my child with someone and escape for a few hours! And I'm glad to hear that you can, apparently, still find an occasional babysitter. I'll try care.com or sitter city.

14:04 - we're in Gaithersburg, MD.

[Anonymous]

Gaithersburg has lots of young families. Visit parks and playgrounds are talk with other parents. Or you can go there during the week and talk directly with some nannies. Pick out someone you like (she's good with her charge), and ask if she'd consider occasional sitting jobs. But still always call some of her refs.

[Anonymous]

*and talk

[Anonymous]

Stranger anxiety won't last. Call the nearest high school, ask for the guidance department, and then ask if they have any nice, unpopular but geeky girls they can give your info to for babysitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With the separation anxiety (which is completely normal, by the way ), it could be very helpful to have the sitter come over some days to get to know DD. Have her play with you and DD.
Depending on how they're doing, leave the room for a few minutes, or step around the corner. Don't make a big deal of it, but don't sneak out.
They could even play outside in the backyard doing something DD loves (sprinkler? sidewalk chalk? bubbles?) while you're inside doing laundry/cooking/paying bills/etc.

+1 I'm in the process of doing this with a new babysitter. I have an overnight work trip at then end of the month. I have set up 4 play dates leading up to this trip, which include all aspects of the day so she can be there with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stranger anxiety won't last. Call the nearest high school, ask for the guidance department, and then ask if they have any nice, unpopular but geeky girls they can give your info to for babysitting.

You do realize a school cannot give out student contact information to a stranger who calls them on the phone, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stranger anxiety won't last. Call the nearest high school, ask for the guidance department, and then ask if they have any nice, unpopular but geeky girls they can give your info to for babysitting.

You do realize a school cannot give out student contact information to a stranger who calls them on the phone, right?

+1

And 'nice, unpopular but geeky girls?' ugh

[Anonymous]

Occasional sitter here - I have a full-time job (unrelated to childcare) but take on night/weekend jobs. I highly recommend Sittercity. You'll definitely have to weed through the profiles, but the advantage of joining as a parent is that you can post an ad with your exact specifications and let the sitters come to you. I've found some really great families this way and I'm in NoVa. Craigslist, unfortunately, has become entirely too spammy.

I recommend having the sitter come over beforehand to meet your daughter and family - I think this is pretty standard practice. Have your daughter take the sitter on a tour of the house (her room, play areas, etc) and I think she'll become comfortable quickly if your sitter has the right personality. I've found that kids LOVE to show off their house and "stuff." Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Ah, so sorry - just read she's only one. I still agree with the play dates the previous posters have suggested!