If given the choice...
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Anonymous
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If given the choice, would MBs rather have an intellectually advanced child, or a child of average intelligence?
I currently nanny for an 18 month old charge, who seems to be very advanced. I have worked with her for over a year, and because of how we interact during playtime, she recognizes and can name 12-15 letters, about a dozen animals and their appropriate sounds, and a few shapes and colors. She also has a larger vocabulary than most toddlers I've cared for. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but the other day, my charge used a couple new words in front of MB, and MB commented about how she doesn't want her daughter to be the smartest child in her daycare class when she starts next month. DB, on the other hand, is blown away by what the daughter and I have been working on. He encourages my educational play with her, and constantly thanks me for all I do. Until this comment from MB, she has been appreciative of my work as well. My last day with the family is coming soon, so I don't think I should change too much of my routine with the charge before she starts daycare. My question is, would MBs generally want an average or above average intelligence level in their children, and if their nanny was encouraging educational play, would you have an issue with this? |
Anonymous
| It's good to encourage educational play but children need to play by themselves as well and shouldn't be forced to always learn something everyday. |
Anonymous
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OP here.. The learning is totally when she's in the mood for it, or points to something I name what she points at. She also has time for individual play on a daily basis, as well as outside time on walks or in the yard..
The pointing at things started with her pointing to letters she saw, and me saying the name of the letter.. That moved on to her pointing at other objects and me saying what they were. |
Anonymous
| I can't imagine saying I don't want my DC to be the smartest child at daycare. DS1 is like your charge, we don't force any educational play but he enjoys it and asks for it. I don't see anything wrong with that. |
Anonymous
| Those things don't really sound "advanced" per se. Ever kid develops differently..tell mb she's just growing in her own way, as all children do! |
Anonymous
I agree with this. Since you're position is ending soon anyway, it doesn't really matter a great deal and having the child in a daycare setting will point out areas where she's advanced, areas where she's less ahead, etc... In other words - normal. Re what MB's would prefer - I hope my kids are well-adjusted, kind, happy, emotionally intelligent people. I want them to be smart enough to do well in the world (though EQ, IMO, counts at least as much as IQ for that). I don't need or want them to be astonishingly gifted, or way ahead of the curve, or exception in any particular way other than what great interesting people they are. I hope they will be the best version of who they are, whatever that is. |
Anonymous
Erg - your, not you're! Speaking of intellectually advanced, or not!!! 
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Anonymous
| I want mine to be smart. I'm really bored by average people on a long-term basis. |
Anonymous
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I remember interviewing for a job quite a few years ago. Two-parent household, both very successful in their respective careers. I still remember my shock when I was told they didn't want to raise smart kids. That was the final red flag for me in that interview (there was a long list).
I get not wanting to pressure kids to learn more than they need to, are interested in, or developmentally ready for; but what parent actually says "We don't want to raise smart kids." With that job I would have always worried that I was teaching the kids too much...even if all the "teaching" was in the context of extending what they were already engaged in and taking advantage of teachable moments. |
Anonymous
I agree with this as well. Since your position is ending soon, just continue on with how your days usually go. You can't stop a child from learning. Maybe the mb is jealous that she is not the one teaching her kid. I have no clue. It's quite an unusual thing to say. |
Anonymous
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As an MB, I would rather have my child be cared for in a way that nurtured her to her fullest - by myself, my DH, and her nanny. She is the child she is. My job as her mom along with DH and her nanny is to help her grow into a functioning adult who can use her gifts and abilites.
This stuff about smart toddlers seems to come up every few weeks on the parenting board. Over there people always get reminded that "smart" is pretty challenging to figure out at this age; kids regress to the mean by 7 unless they are truly gifted. |
Anonymous
| But isn't it weird that she's worried her daughter will get labeled the "smart one," and somehow be ostracized for it -- in daycare!? |
Anonymous
I was labeled the "smart one" growing up. It was miserable at the time. If this MB had that experience, then it wouldn't be so wierd. Being the "smart one" to other people can be a very isolating experience. Now if she came off like she was the one doing the labeling growing up - then I just wouldn't like her in general. |
Anonymous
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The things you listed don't sound out of the ordinary for the kids in this area. It may be that the parent doesn't want you doing drills or bogus academic things with the child. My kids were in a great preschool and I wanted a nanny who let them play, read with them, lets them run around outside etc. I passed over any nanny that talked about her curriculum or flash cards. IMO flash cards are bad.
It only helps with memorization and doesn't impart the skill. Even in school when the teacher sent home flashcards to everyone in the class for multiplication tables, we threw them out. Its much better to teach kids how to do mental calculation and grouping/patterns in their head than memorize the tables. In reading at younger ages its better for kids to learn the sound not the name of the letter symbol. Its better to let them learn how to make words before they read words. Many ECE programs or flashcard/workbooks on the market do the opposite which produces kids who can parrot the answer but don't know the skill. |
Anonymous
Yup. I'm an overeducated MB, w/ a highly intelligent husband, majorly verbal and educated family, etc... and I'm quite turned off by parenting approaches that use drills for kids, focus on intellectual performance measures w/ toddlers, etc... I want a happy, calm, loving, nurturing environment for my kids - inclusive of LOTS of talking, reading, playing, socialization, manners, individual play time, quiet time, boisterousness, etc... I care about having a well-rounded, confident, curious child, especially before starting school. I don't care about my kid's vocabulary being the best in their kindergarten class, or whether they know their alphabet by rote by 18 months, or whatever. I want them to read before school sure, and I hope they grow up to be smart people. But I don't really worry about that - unless they have a genetic limitation they will be plenty bright enough for this world just by virtue of how they will be raised and educated. I don't have to push them in the early years to ensure that. So perhaps the MB was reacting from that standpoint. She didn't say she didn't want a smart kid - don't read so much into her offhand remark without knowing more about what triggered it. Perhaps she's married to a Rick Moranis type from the movie Parenthood and she's reacting to that kind of approach. Maybe she felt you were concentrating too much on performance. Maybe she was pushed too much as a kid. Maybe she's a teacher and knows that these kinds of measures of a kid's intelligence at this age are useless predictors of academic or social success. Etc... |