Park problems, kind of irritated.

[Anonymous]

Charge and I were at park. I was sitting, observing her while she played. She is 5, turning 6 in the fall. I believe the best way she will learn to resolve conflict, is by learning to problem solve herself. So, while at park I just don't Hover, and let her make her decisions unless I see its really threatening. Charge was playing with a girl, having fun being silly. My charge wanted a snack as the girl she was playing with, had One. So i gave her a bag of pirate booty pop corn. For a minute they were eating snacks and playing in the equipment nicely. The odd thing was that, the other girl's mother was always trying to jump into their games and micromanage where her daughter went and stuff. The girl eventually wanted the snack my charge had as well and she snatched the bag from my charge, after asking my charge if she could share and my charge said no. I stood there observing and watched as my charge said it was her snack and she took the snack back. The girl who snatched the bag said it was not nice to not share. She then Grabbed the bag again and my charge and her were in a tug-of-war with the snack, a bag of pirate booty popcorn. The girl's mother had to answer a call but once the fight ensured, she hung and separated her child, but not before letting my charge know not sharing was not nice. She then asked where her 'mommy' was. Charge said she was with me (nanny) and the mother then came over to me and said that maybe I should teach her how to share and not just take her to park, to find an excuse to sit and not engage with her. I was annoyed she thought I was being lazy. I told her, in real life she needs to learn to resolve her conflicts, and me holding her hand and resolving conflicts for her, is not going to teach her anything. I also told her, unfortunately if charge does not want to share, I won't make her. She will learn in time that not sharing has its consequences. The lady then mumbled something and left with her daughter. What exactly did I do wrong here? I don't think I did anything wrong. But I don't seem to understand why she became so frazzled, she seemed like a helicopter parent. I think her trying to make my charge share when she didnt want to, was going over board. So annoyed right now.

[Anonymous]

Eh, you're annoying. I'm all about letting them play independently with supervision, but you should have interjected when they were fighting back and forth over the snack. She's 5, not 15.

[Anonymous]

I think you did ok. I don't think children should be forced to share any more than their parents should be forced to share.

[Anonymous]

I agree that I don't think your charge needed to share and the mom was out of line for telling her it wasn't nice. I do think though that she is only 5 and you probably should have intervened when they started fighting. Especially once the mom got involved.

[Anonymous]

I'm inclined to believe this is made up.

[Anonymous]

I would NOT allow my charge to share food with someone who I've never met at the park. You never know if the other child had allergies or what. You could simply say "Sharing is good but we don't share food unless we talk to your mom first." But if it were a toy I would have intervened. You are supposed to teach sharing. You don't learn something like that when you are grown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would NOT allow my charge to share food with someone who I've never met at the park. You never know if the other child had allergies or what. You could simply say "Sharing is good but we don't share food unless we talk to your mom first." But if it were a toy I would have intervened. You are supposed to teach sharing. You don't learn something like that when you are grown.

+2 I also have a no sharing food rule.

[Anonymous]

I also don't allow food sharing unless a parent/caregiver says it's okay, and then only if my charge wants to. He is never required to share food.

He *is* required to share toys, however, and I would have intervened if it had been an object they were fighting over.

However, at 5-almost-6, I think you did the right thing letting them sort it out alone. It's a different story with a 3yo who needs to be taught how to share, but a 6-year-old already knows how and can decide if/when she wants to. And as you said, not sharing has its own set of consequences (which I do think you should verbalize with her, but only to explain/teach, not to punish/guilt trip)

[Anonymous]

MB here. Honestly puzzled at why requiring sharing is not important. If DC has 1 toy and is little I would say no need to share. If we have 2 or hold is old enough not to meltdown with taking turns then that is what I would require. Otherwise do not bring to park. That said it is very rude to ask for someone else's snack. Still I would have told her to ask her mom and given her a few pieces (not half and not a ton ) of the bag. After that nothing else to some strange kid. But certainly when it escalated to tugging on the bag it was clear kids were not handling well so you should have stepped in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. Honestly puzzled at why requiring sharing is not important. If DC has 1 toy and is little I would say no need to share. If we have 2 or hold is old enough not to meltdown with taking turns then that is what I would require. Otherwise do not bring to park. That said it is very rude to ask for someone else's snack. Still I would have told her to ask her mom and given her a few pieces (not half and not a ton ) of the bag. After that nothing else to some strange kid. But certainly when it escalated to tugging on the bag it was clear kids were not handling well so you should have stepped in.

PP here. Do you really believe that? At 6 some kids are in elementary school, and the playground battles there are much more severe than tugging on another child's snack bag. I really do think at this age this is a case where it makes sense for kids to learn how to negotiate their own way with their peers. If it escalated to hitting or name calling I would intervene, and I would probably step in if it were my charge/child who tried to grab something from another kid, but in this case? I'd want them to sort it out themselves. I believe they're old enough that they need to develop those skills and that monitoring their interactions every step of the way is how we get kids, teens, and young adults who don't know how to negotiate or compromise with their peers.

[Anonymous]

I agree that you should have stepped in when the fight escalated. Yes she needs to learn to handle confrontation but at 5 she still needs guidance on how. Sharing toys and playground equipment is different than expecting a child to share her snack with a stranger. I would have stepped in when they began tugging on the bag, but I would not have made my charge share her snack. It's rude to ask for someone else's food, and if the mom had spoken to me that way I would have told her as much.

[Anonymous]

I'm annoyed that you've created more then one fake thread, OP. Get a damn life.. It's Summer do you really have nothing to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here. Honestly puzzled at why requiring sharing is not important. If DC has 1 toy and is little I would say no need to share. If we have 2 or hold is old enough not to meltdown with taking turns then that is what I would require. Otherwise do not bring to park. That said it is very rude to ask for someone else's snack. Still I would have told her to ask her mom and given her a few pieces (not half and not a ton ) of the bag. After that nothing else to some strange kid. But certainly when it escalated to tugging on the bag it was clear kids were not handling well so you should have stepped in.

PP here. Do you really believe that? At 6 some kids are in elementary school, and the playground battles there are much more severe than tugging on another child's snack bag. I really do think at this age this is a case where it makes sense for kids to learn how to negotiate their own way with their peers. If it escalated to hitting or name calling I would intervene, and I would probably step in if it were my charge/child who tried to grab something from another kid, but in this case? I'd want them to sort it out themselves. I believe they're old enough that they need to develop those skills and that monitoring their interactions every step of the way is how we get kids, teens, and young adults who don't know how to negotiate or compromise with their peers.

They weren't just arguing. Things DID get physical when they began tugging back and forth on the bag. OP was observing and this little girl clearly doesn't respect boundaries. Why wait until someone gets hit? The teaching moment could take place after the situation was handled and before anyone got hit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here. Honestly puzzled at why requiring sharing is not important. If DC has 1 toy and is little I would say no need to share. If we have 2 or hold is old enough not to meltdown with taking turns then that is what I would require. Otherwise do not bring to park. That said it is very rude to ask for someone else's snack. Still I would have told her to ask her mom and given her a few pieces (not half and not a ton ) of the bag. After that nothing else to some strange kid. But certainly when it escalated to tugging on the bag it was clear kids were not handling well so you should have stepped in.

PP here. Do you really believe that? At 6 some kids are in elementary school, and the playground battles there are much more severe than tugging on another child's snack bag. I really do think at this age this is a case where it makes sense for kids to learn how to negotiate their own way with their peers. If it escalated to hitting or name calling I would intervene, and I would probably step in if it were my charge/child who tried to grab something from another kid, but in this case? I'd want them to sort it out themselves. I believe they're old enough that they need to develop those skills and that monitoring their interactions every step of the way is how we get kids, teens, and young adults who don't know how to negotiate or compromise with their peers.

They weren't just arguing. Things DID get physical when they began tugging back and forth on the bag. OP was observing and this little girl clearly doesn't respect boundaries. Why wait until someone gets hit? The teaching moment could take place after the situation was handled and before anyone got hit.

I don't completely understand your point...I didn't say they were only arguing, I acknowledged there was tugging on the snack bag, and said I wouldn't have intervened unless there was hitting or name calling. I also said would have intervened if my charge/child had been the one grabbing - those are all rules we have that she should know that I would enforce. However, when someone else tries to steal something she's holding and her response is to grab it back? That's the right thing to do, she should learn how to stick up for herself on the playground without an adult's help. Why wait, you ask? Because it might not have led to hitting - they might have just scowled at each other for a moment and then continued playing! That happens a lot, and is why it's worth standing back to watch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here. Honestly puzzled at why requiring sharing is not important. If DC has 1 toy and is little I would say no need to share. If we have 2 or hold is old enough not to meltdown with taking turns then that is what I would require. Otherwise do not bring to park. That said it is very rude to ask for someone else's snack. Still I would have told her to ask her mom and given her a few pieces (not half and not a ton ) of the bag. After that nothing else to some strange kid. But certainly when it escalated to tugging on the bag it was clear kids were not handling well so you should have stepped in.

PP here. Do you really believe that? At 6 some kids are in elementary school, and the playground battles there are much more severe than tugging on another child's snack bag. I really do think at this age this is a case where it makes sense for kids to learn how to negotiate their own way with their peers. If it escalated to hitting or name calling I would intervene, and I would probably step in if it were my charge/child who tried to grab something from another kid, but in this case? I'd want them to sort it out themselves. I believe they're old enough that they need to develop those skills and that monitoring their interactions every step of the way is how we get kids, teens, and young adults who don't know how to negotiate or compromise with their peers.

They weren't just arguing. Things DID get physical when they began tugging back and forth on the bag. OP was observing and this little girl clearly doesn't respect boundaries. Why wait until someone gets hit? The teaching moment could take place after the situation was handled and before anyone got hit.

I don't completely understand your point...I didn't say they were only arguing, I acknowledged there was tugging on the snack bag, and said I wouldn't have intervened unless there was hitting or name calling. I also said would have intervened if my charge/child had been the one grabbing - those are all rules we have that she should know that I would enforce. However, when someone else tries to steal something she's holding and her response is to grab it back? That's the right thing to do, she should learn how to stick up for herself on the playground without an adult's help. Why wait, you ask? Because it might not have led to hitting - they might have just scowled at each other for a moment and then continued playing! That happens a lot, and is why it's worth standing back to watch.

Could not have said it better myself. I just don't know WHY people these days feel they need to fight petty battles for their kids, when instead they can let the kids handle it on their own, so they can learn early how to problem solve!!!!'