Hard to hear criticism from MB?

[Anonymous]

For some reason, I have a very difficult time taking constructive criticism from MB. I just started temping for a family which may lead to a long term position, but the nanny agency relayed a message to me that I called the mom too many times at work on my first day when I could not get their baby to calm down. I was told she was a very happy baby but that afternoon, she screaming her head off even after I had tried everything possible to help her calm down before calling the mom. I only had called twice, once when nothing I tried on my own worked and another time when none of MB's suggestions to me were working. I am pretty experienced with infants, but this was very alarming to me, so I felt MB should know. She'd previously told me to call her anytime for any concern I had. And now I feel so stupid that apparently it irritated her that I was having a rough first day with the baby. Since then, things have gotten much better, but the fact that she mentioned this to the agency makes me worry that I won't be considered for a long term position with the family. I love the kids (ages 6 months, 3 and 5) and they seem to love me and always ask if I am coming back. But I worry that I made a bad first impression that they won't be able to look past. Is it possible to redeem their impression of me?

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. The agency probably called the MB after your first day to see how things went, and your MB may have said you had called her twice and didn't seem sure of yourself. But if things have gone better since then, she has probably already written that off as a first day thing. The agency probably just relayed her comment to you because they have an interest in getting her to hire you, so they wanted you to know that MB may not be a huge fan of frequent calls at work. It doesn't mean the MB was deeply upset by it.

Try not to think of other feedback from the MB as criticism at this stage in your relationship. You are new to this particular job, and the fact that MB wants you to do things a certain way does not mean that she doesn't think you know what you're doing, it just means that she is an experienced mom who prefers to have some things done differently, perhaps for no reason other than the fact that her household already has a certain routine. Most moms realize that there are many "right" ways to do things. Even if there is only one "right" way to do things in her house, she probably recognizes that other "good" families do things differently.

You might try saving up your questions to ask at the end of the day, when she is more relaxed than she's likely to be while at the office. Then tell her what happened during the day and how you handled it, and ask if she has a preference for handling a similar situation in the future. You might also come up with a list of situations that frequently arise while nannying, tell the MB how you usually handle them, and ask her if she would prefer you do something different. Always start from a place of "I know how to operate a fax machine, but I want to make sure I am using THIS fax machine properly. Most moms will appreciate that level of conscientiousness.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. That is good advice. I think now that I am getting more comfortable, it will be possible for them to see I really can make a good nanny for them. Hopefully the kids seeming to like me helps

[Anonymous]

Yes, the above is good advice. Don't forget that what you're hearing is not first hand feedback - it's been filtered through the perceptions/interpretation/summarization of at least one other person. MB might not agree w/ how her feedback was characterized, and she almost certainly wouldn't have framed it the same way with you as she would have in the context of an agency touching base.

You could check in w/ MB just like an agency would. Just ask to sit down for 5 or 10 minutes one day to see how they're feeling about things. Let them know that you're enjoying their kids and would be really interested in a long-term position if they're interested in that. "Is there anything you would like me to do more or less of? Do you feel comfortable with the level of care and activity I'm providing for the kids?" Etc... I'm an MB and I'd be very receptive to a conversation like that with my nanny. If you're going to be with the family long-term you want to build a relationship that allows for regular feedback and conversation.

[Anonymous]

Why would you call because a baby was screaming?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you call because a baby was screaming?

NP here - I've done the same on a first day with an inconsolable baby and an MB who askede to call if there was any trouble. Turned out I needed to hold him horizontally acrossy arms and bounce him to sleep in that position, which I never would have tried. Sometimes you just need to be sure you've exhausted your options - no one wants a baby crying unnecessarily for hours when mom muggy have a secret technique to try!

[Anonymous]

Might, not muggy. Really iPhone?