I think my nanny is being poached by a friend of mine

[Anonymous]

I have an amazing nanny, who has been with us since our DD was 15 months. I hosted a party a few months ago and she came to help out. One of my friends /co workers took her information down, for occasional date night and such -or so I thought. Over the few months that she's known my friend, she has been sitting more and more regularly for her. My friend found out she is pregnant, and she mentioned planning on maybe hiring an au pair or nanny. I didn't think much of it, but then it occurred to me that our nanny would like a FT job; however, due to socialization, we are sending out DD to a daycare 2 days a week. One of our mutual friend/co worker, mentioned that our friend already had a nanny in mind; she stated it was someone who had been watching the kids since December. That is around the time frame my nanny met my co worker. I do not know how to figure out if I need to talk with my nanny about her future with us, without seeming like I might know more then she thinks I know. I'm really upset because I feel like she owes it to me to be honest and communicate, not deceive. If her intentions are to leave me for the friend I thought I had, then I want to start looking now. How to approach subject ? Am I right to be upset?

[Anonymous]

If your nanny needs full time or is just unhappy she may take the job or another one. If she doesn't need the full time work/$$ than she may not be considering it.

Talk to her.

[Anonymous]

Just because your friend may want to hire your nanny, doesn't mean that your nanny knows about this. Smart nannies don't think they have a new job until a contract is signed. You might feel like she owes you open communication but for her it would suck if she says "I've got a new job" before she signs a contract, you find a new nanny, and then the new job falls through.

How much notice does your nanny have to give you in the contract you signed with her? That is all the notice she owes you. Your nanny has to do what is best for her and if that means a full time job then she may want to take the job that your friend MIGHT (or might not) be offering. As long as the nanny works out her notice period she doesn't owe you more than that.

Why don't you ask your friend. Just be real honest and communicative and say "I heard through the grapevine that you might be offering my nanny a position. If this is true could you please tell me as I would like time to start looking for a new nanny".

[Anonymous]

Your nanny should take the job that is best for her. She can't be expected to continue with PT work if she wants something full time simply out of loyalty. Your friend, on the other hand, can definitely be expected not to poach your nanny. I do expect loyalty out of my friends- there are lots of good nannies out there and she should find her own.

I would talk to both of them- to the nanny to see if she's considering leaving while you can still make a counter offer, and to your friend just to figure out what's going on.

[Anonymous]

MB here. A nanny isn't a commodity to be poached. She is a who should be expected to take the job that best suits her needs without being concerned about loyalties or any other manipulation an MB wants to put on her.

Simply put, OP, if your nanny is happy with your job, she'll stay. If not, she'll leave, whether for your friend's job or any other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here. A nanny isn't a commodity to be poached. She is a who should be expected to take the job that best suits her needs without being concerned about loyalties or any other manipulation an MB wants to put on her.

Simply put, OP, if your nanny is happy with your job, she'll stay. If not, she'll leave, whether for your friend's job or any other.

Or she might love her job, but simply can't turn down a better paying offer, due to her financial circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Think about it on terms of your career. If you were offered another position, you would probably work out the details prior to approaching your current employer with the information. Then your employer can decide to counter the offer you let you go. Why should a nanny be any different. She should be able to advance her career without any hard feelings.

[Anonymous]

I would talk to her. I understand wanting a full-time position, but I also understand that if you know it to be the case that the nanny will leave, you want to start looking around now.

[Anonymous]

You can offer more money if you want her to stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think about it on terms of your career. If you were offered another position, you would probably work out the details prior to approaching your current employer with the information. Then your employer can decide to counter the offer you let you go. Why should a nanny be any different. She should be able to advance her career without any hard feelings.

+1 Also, you are just assuming a lot of things. You need to talk both your friend and your child's nanny.

[Anonymous]

Why not offer a nanny share...

[Anonymous]

MB here. If the nanny wants full time work and you can't give it to her but your friend can, leaving is the only rational decision she can make. You shouldn't be upset with her or feel that she has been disloyal.

You don't say when the friend would need the nanny to start. If they have already reached an agreement but the start date is months away, I'm sure the nanny realizes that you might be upset about the move, so she doesn't want to jeopardize current employment by telling you or having the friend tell you months ahead of time. It is also possible that the friend has not yet approached the nanny about FT work or has approached her but they have not agreed on terms, in which case nanny has nothing to tell you at this time. When the time for her to make a move gets closer, I'm sure you will get a call from the friend. Hopefully the friend cares enough about the friendship to give you a couple of months notice. My guess is that she will be somewhat apologetic but explain that the nanny planned to leave for FT work anyway.

That said, I understand you being angry about hearing this from a third party. I would call the friend, tell her what you heard, and ask if she is planning or hoping to hire your nanny. Hopefully she will be honest with you. Hopefully you will also be mature enough not to take your sense of betrayal out on the nanny. She really hasn't done anything wrong by considering a position that better meets her needs.

[Anonymous]

Talk to your nanny. Don't bring up your friend. Ask her how she is feeling about doing PT work only, currently and in the future.

If you can't or don't want to add on other duties to help expand her schedule and take home pay, then it will allow you to see how she is feeling. If you CAN and would want to, it gives you the chance to talk to her about what you would be willing to do to add more hours, and what she would feel ok with doing to get more hours.

You might find out that she doesn't want more hours at all. You may find she wouldn't want to do any extras, but just more childcare. You might find out any number of things. But this will show what page YOU are on, and what you are willing to do, and help HER make her choice. At the very least, it will let her know that you enjoy having her around and care enough to find out what she is looking for and do anything you can to help with that (and keeping her happy).

She should appreciate that and also you will at no point be mentioning your friend, her possibly going to work for your friend instead, or anything else with your nanny "being yours" and not someone having free will.

[Anonymous]

Like a pp I was going to suggest working out a part time share.

[Anonymous]

I would ask your nanny about if shes okay with the hours.

IF shes not and you want to retain her I would offer to help her find work on the other two days or offer to look for a share so she is making more on the three days shes there.