I need some experienced Nanny advice!

[Anonymous]

I need to implement a system in which te 4 year old will listen. He is very defiant and rarely listens to me. He also has been hitting me.
I have spoken to the mother aboutbthis twice. The first time she mentioned se would like me to say when you are done this then you can have this... ( when you pick up your puzzle you can have a glass of milk) instead of the usual warning, time out method. Now this week I am getting she doesn't want there to be a reward for good behaviour. I'm at a loss. I need a system that will encourage good behaviour with out reward or punishment. I'm only 2 days a week.

[Anonymous]

I have found that children don't really respond to reasoning tactics until they are much older. At four, he needs clear direction and assistance. eg. "It is time to pick up your puzzle" or "we are cleaning up our toys now" and then just move on to the next activity, rather than "if you pick up your toys you may do this...". I have found it also helps to just make them begin to do something (again with the puzzle "you may put this piece in the box" and just start handing her puzzle pieces to put away). He doesn't need his good behavior rewarded, he just needs to know what is expected of him in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Ask the mom to get the book, "Punished By Rewards", amazon or library, then you can both have a look at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have found that children don't really respond to reasoning tactics until they are much older. At four, he needs clear direction and assistance. eg. "It is time to pick up your puzzle" or "we are cleaning up our toys now" and then just move on to the next activity, rather than "if you pick up your toys you may do this...". I have found it also helps to just make them begin to do something (again with the puzzle "you may put this piece in the box" and just start handing her puzzle pieces to put away). He doesn't need his good behavior rewarded, he just needs to know what is expected of him in the first place.

11:09 here. I agree with 11:07.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have found that children don't really respond to reasoning tactics until they are much older. At four, he needs clear direction and assistance. eg. "It is time to pick up your puzzle" or "we are cleaning up our toys now" and then just move on to the next activity, rather than "if you pick up your toys you may do this...". I have found it also helps to just make them begin to do something (again with the puzzle "you may put this piece in the box" and just start handing her puzzle pieces to put away). He doesn't need his good behavior rewarded, he just needs to know what is expected of him in the first place.

11:09 here. I agree with 11:07.

+2

Clear instructions. Manageable amount of information. Lack of bribery/rewards but plenty of adult assistance on tasks.

[Anonymous]

Why should good behavior (good manners) be rewarded? Your MB is right.