How do you manage switching from one au pair to the next? Overlapping?

[Anonymous]

Our first au pair is leaving after her year and we will be welcoming our second one hopefully without too much of a gap in childcare. My current au pair mentioned that it is nice to overlap because they the new au pair can be introduced to some friends and she can show her around. However, I feel like I'd rather have a fresh start since I'm not in love with our current au pairs friends anyway and although she's been a good au pair, there are definitely some habits I'd prefer not to be continued.

There's also the issue of who gets the room. When I casually mentioned it to my current au pair, she said she thought she would keep the room since it would be hard to pack up and move all her stuff elsewhere and then move it again when she officially moves out. While that makes sense, I'm also not comfortable welcoming our new au pair and sticking her in the basement with all HER stuff.

So it seems like it would be easiest just not to have any overlap. What have others done though? And how much of a gap might you have between? Any experiences would be great.

[Anonymous]

I am only on my second AP, so I have only had to deal with this once, but I chose to overlap for 2 weeks.

I, too, was torn on whether it would be good to have the overlap or to have a clean break as there are issues that I let slide with the first AP that I wanted to correct with the second. It finally came down to what was best for my DCs and for them, it would be an easier transition if there was an overlap. I have a 2 YO and a 9 Mo, so it wasn't so much the baby but the toddler. My AU had been with us since DC1 was 3 MO and she stayed with us for two years, so there was a very strong attachment there. Having the overlap defnitely made the transition easier (not easy, but easier) on DC1 and the APs.

With regard to the things that I was going to change from AP1 to AP2, as it turns out, either AP2 just didn't adopt them or I was able to bring her up to speed after AP1 left. It really was a non-issue for us.

For the rooms, I offered the guest room to AP2, but both AP1 and AP2 wanted to stay together. The AP's room is large and has a pullout couch, so they both had a bed. And, yes there was stuff everywhere, but it only lasted for a short time and they were doing this by choice.

I think the primary issue for me going forward will be the age of my children and how I think they will take the transition. If AP2 decides to extend for another year, then it is likely that I will overlap again. AP2 is AMAZING so I would be happy if she could help train the next AP.

Finally, outside the other nanny friends that the APs have met through my children's activities, they really didn't share friends. They were from dfferent countries and spoke different languages, so maybe this was part of it. But AP1 was not very social and more of a home body, while AP2 is a bit more social and very interested in taking evening courses at the community college close by. So, perhaps your two APs will just have different social interests and AP won't maintain a friendship with AP1's friends.

Hope your transition goes smoothly!

[Anonymous]

I've never had the au pairs overlap. Our DCs are 9 and 7 and have been able to structure vacation so no overlap. Might have done differently if kids were younger, but as they are not, I prefer for each AP to come into home with as blank a slate as possible. I want us to get to know AP and have AP become acquainted with us w/o any filter. That said, not uncommon for a former AP to visit and the new and the former usually bond.

[Anonymous]

We have not had overlap between APs in the past, and won't have one coming up because we are going to have a several months gap between APs this time. It wasn't necessarily a conscious choice, just worked out that way. I can see the usefulness of it, and also the drawbacks. (And space would definitely be an issue for us; both APs are entitled to their own room if they overlap during their official program dates, and we can't provide that.)

We did have a little overlap - not really intended for training - between AP#2 and AP#3. AP#2 was staying with us for a few days during her travel month between excursions, and she volunteered to spend a day with AP#3 and the kids (to show her around to the usual places, but also to give us some feedback on how AP#3 was doing, since we were worried). That was actually quite valuable to us - and reinforced what we knew would have to happen, i.e. rematch with AP#3. Since it was no longer part of the contract year, we did not feel bad that we no longer had AP#2's room available to her, and she was such a comfortable part of our family by then that staying in the kids' room for that time wasn't a problem for her - and she'll do the same when she comes to visit this summer.

[Anonymous]

From our experience, we would not overlap again, as we had done between AP1 and AP2. It was a great opportunity to regroup as a family between our AP2 and AP3, which my husband and I really needed, and I think was good for the kids. It could have been for us that we never really liked AP2 - but it felt like things started on the wrong foot and never recovered. AP1 was incredible and kind to show AP2 the ropes. AP2 may have been a lost cause from the beginning, but we'll never know.

[Anonymous]

We have tried to overlap twice and both were big failures. We will never do it again. I do not think it was a coincidence that we had trouble bonding with the newly arrived AP both times - both were replacing really beloved APs. We now prefer 2-3 days in between, to give time to clean out the room, buy new sheets or towels as needed, spot clean the carpet, and get excited for a new AP to arrive. It also gives us room to celebrate the outgoing AP and to send her off with a good party and all of our adoration and well wishes. Also it saves the old AP from having to watch all the excitement and preparations being made for her replacement.

[Anonymous]

We typically have them overlap for a few days to a week. That way they can show them around, introduce them to some people, and walk them through the daily routine. The friends in our experience tend to change with the au pairs. Especially now with FB everyone has a few friends lined up to meet up with once here. We have the old AP move out a day or so in advance, and we are able to clean the room for them. We have a guest room that the old AP stays in and uses for storage during their travel month. Its really nice for the new APs to have an instant friend, and we have a going-away party for the old AP and her friends come and the new AP is introduced and we take pictures, etc. It provides continuity for them and for the kids. One of the reasons we stopped using nannies is because they often left suddenly and there was no training/overlap. Now, we keep in contact with past AP's, and I think it helps the kids with their transitions.

[Anonymous]

I am a former AP and my family's former AP overlapped for about one week ...
It didn't help me feel welcome at all ... They had a strong connection with her, I totally felt left out ...

[Anonymous]

We do not intend to overlap, I don't feel I need the overlap for training purposes and it should be easy enough to make friends in the area since it's such a huge AP network here and they have FB groups and tons of social opportunities together.

I'd rather start fresh, have a chance to clean and assess the room, and bond with the new AP ourselves.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We've decided our second will arrive to us on the Friday after our au pair leaves. It's a break between of two days, so we'll have time to clean the room and regroup.

[Anonymous]

We do not overlap. We take vacation or have the ILs babysit in between. I don't recommend an overlap, especially if you don't like the current AP's friends. I also HIGHLY recommend changing the phone number between APs if you don't like the old friends. We didn't and #2 ended up with #1's "bad influence" friends.

[Anonymous]

PP here. By phone number, I mean the AP's cell phone, not your home phone. (I realized that was unclear.)

[Anonymous]

NP. We overlapped between our two au pairs. Our new au pair really seemed to appreciate getting to know things in the area thru the old au pair. Old au pair really took her around to show her the area, took her out at night, etc. We are not overalapping this next time (I will be on mat leave and taking a break) but would do it again.

The challenges include the cell phone and who gets the room. In our case, we had our old au pair move into the guest room and new au pair got the room and got to get settled. I think that's pretty important b/c she's coming from a new country, time zone, potential langauge challengs, and deserves to have her own space.