Nanny driving me nuts, am I asking too much?

[Anonymous]

We have almost 3 ye old twins. I don't live in DC, I'm in Nashville, so wages are lower but we still pay our nanny more than anyone I know, other than some of the country music stars, athletes, etc., lol. Anyway, she is scheduled for 55 hours a week. We pay 12 days vacation, pay holidays, pay her full salary when we're traveling to allow her a steady paycheck and have given her bonuses totaling about 2.5 weeks. Nshe didnt sk for any of this, we Offered it. She's been with us for 10 months and initially was fabulous with the kids. She's still good but I think is struggling now that the kids are getting older and are more active. Our expectations are that she take the kids to one activity per day (gymnastics, library, inside play place primarily), do the kids laundry, clean up after the kids, and give,them a bath daily. We do not leave dishes for her to do and have never asked her to clean anything else nor have we added to her responsibilities. The kids were to go to preschool, full time in June but she mentioned watching them part time, 3 days a week. It will cost us more but that's cool. She asked for a $2.50/hour raise, she's complaining that she can't get everything done in 10 hours a day now that the kids are taking 1.5 hour naps and wants to work 11 hours. She does stay late but frankly I'd like her to leave on time and often she's here waiting for a ridebecause she gives the car to her son to drive. So a load of laundry a day, take kids out for about 2-2.5 hrs including travel time, clean up after kids and give them a bath. No housecleaning. Why can't this get done in 10 hours? And I've agreed to $2 more an hour but not $2.50 she acted all taken a back. There are other thins that irritate me but she's good with,the kids so we keep her.

Are my expectations unreasonable? She was supposedto errands, etc for us but our grocery bill went up by $700/month when she did the shoppong so she no longer does that. She acts like this is soooo much work, and again, she suggested the part time gig, not me. I want to be fair but I'm pretty frustrated.

Thabksifyou made it this far.

[Anonymous]

I don't know the Nashville market, and 3-year-olds are a handful, but every one of these requests sounds to me like she has money problems. She has basically told you she needs to make $x/week, and will add hours or whatever to meet that goal. If money is no object for you and you really like her, pay it. Otherwise, start looking for someone new. And don't be such a pushover.

In fact, if money is no object, find an agency and get a professional nanny who can manage to do the basics of nannying. This is kind of ridiculous ...

Unless, of oucrse, this is a $10/hr job. That is a lot of work for that kind of money, whatever the local market. I can imagine people getting burned out quickly with low pay and high hours.

[Anonymous]

She does have money problems and she's been pretty up front about it. I haven't been a pushover, I just want to be fair. She does the work but talks about how hard it is. I told her we needed to sit down to recalibrate expectations and see if there were things she was doing that could be eliminated.

We've had two other nannies and interviewed a lot more and she is by far the best with the kids,though she does get under my skin. If we had back up care for when the kids are sick I'd probably just put the kids in preschool full time,

[Anonymous]

1) Whether her request for a raise is reasonable in your market, we can't say, because you haven't told us (I think?) how much you pay her. I know a lot of people who say OMG WE PAY OUR NANNY SO MUCH MORE THAN MARKET RATE and they're offering $14/hr Maybe she is trying to get up to average, maybe she is trying to get way above it - we simply don't know.

2) It doesn't really matter, however, whether it's reasonable or not. The fact is she has told you how much money she needs to be making each week, and you have the opportunity to say you either can or cannot give her a raise/more hours. You know that if you turn her down she will be looking elsewhere for a position that would pay her more but if you're well above market rate, she is unlikely to find one. But if you're kidding yourself and she does find a better position, she'll be out of there in a heartbeat. You are the only person who can weigh the potential outcomes and decide what's best for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Whether her request for a raise is reasonable in your market, we can't say, because you haven't told us (I think?) how much you pay her. I know a lot of people who say OMG WE PAY OUR NANNY SO MUCH MORE THAN MARKET RATE and they're offering $14/hr Maybe she is trying to get up to average, maybe she is trying to get way above it - we simply don't know.

2) It doesn't really matter, however, whether it's reasonable or not. The fact is she has told you how much money she needs to be making each week, and you have the opportunity to say you either can or cannot give her a raise/more hours. You know that if you turn her down she will be looking elsewhere for a position that would pay her more but if you're well above market rate, she is unlikely to find one. But if you're kidding yourself and she does find a better position, she'll be out of there in a heartbeat. You are the only person who can weigh the potential outcomes and decide what's best for your family.

True, but it also sounds like she's being really annoying. If she's really the best you can do, I guess you're stuck, but if you are paying a fair wage and asking for reasonable responsibiities, I think there has got to be someone less difficult to work with. It's kind of outrageous to be asking for a huge raise less than a year after she started unles you added responsibilities, and it sounds like you eliminated them. I know interviewing is no fun, but I think if you draw up a "wish list" of what you want in a nanny, she is not it.

[Anonymous]

I am a career nanny with 16 m/o twins plus their older brother after school, summers, and days off. I do what you are asking and then some. Her complaining would irritate me too. She may need and deserve more money and you'll have to look at that separately. Her attitude should be positive and high energy.

An experienced/career nanny will understand that the job isn't just play time with the kids, but all the other things that go into parenthood. Her complaining yo you about how hard the job is doesn't make sense because you already know what it takes to run your household.

[Anonymous]

What are you paying her, OP?

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a bad money manager. The fact that your grocery bills went up that high tells me she's careless with money.

OP, I've worked the same 10 hour days as your nanny and she can DEFINITELY get it done so I don't know why she is having such an issue. I did far more then you asked and still had alot of time. I think she's getting entitled and the real reason she wants a raise is because, in her head, she's going 'above and beyond' even though she clearly isn't.

Don't give her another raise for atleast 15 months. She will keep thinking she deserves more and more.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the responses. She NETS $14/hour, which is $2 higher than she'd make through an agency and MUCH higher than other families I know who employ a nanny. There is one family that pays more but that's because they're busy physicians and their nanny works crazy hours and is on call. We known a nanny in common and apparently she is thrilled with the perks and feels the pay is fair but thinks her only responsibilities shoud be to care for the kids, wants me to lay their clothes out to save her time, etc., and feels we shoud be more flexible in some of the duties (for example,, she wants to give them their bath in the downstairs guest bath because its easier and I've asked that she bathe them in their bathroom as I like to keep the downstairs uncluttered in case we have visitors, she's upset we didn't buy a $150 potty stool because now she has to watch them as they potty, etc). She doesn't know I know this. Anyway $14/net hour may be low for the DC NVA area but it's VERY competitive here. More than the money I'm ticked about the complaining and passive aggressive behavior and tired of having to discuss it with her

[Anonymous]

I should say $2 higher than she'd net with an agency, there's only one here in Nashville.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, one last thing (I'm working from home today and irritating thexxx out of me, so I'm a bit crabby). When she first started working for us, she asked for way less and said she'd done her research and was very happy when we told her how much we were pAying. The money difference is minimal, it's the attitude and her acting like things are sooo hard. My kids aren't easy, but they are well behaved for 2 ye olds. I could go into detail about things she's said and done but I'll stay focused on the issue at hand. Thanks for letting me know I'm not crazy for thinking she should be able to get her work done during the day.

[Anonymous]

You're definitely not crazy. I've been in your position and if you continue more and more will start to bother you. I think you should consider looking for another nanny. It might take a while but I think you could find someone who is both good with the kids and doesn't complain about doing her job.

[Anonymous]

She wants you to save her time? And she doesn't want to watch them on the potty? The first point (about their clothes) is just laughable. The second one is a little alarming -- I don't know of any potty at any price that a just-potty-trained kid can use entirely on his/her own all the time.

Are they giving her grief about what to wear? Then she should ask them to help her pick out their clothes for the next day in the evening. She doesn't sound like she likes pre-schoolers very much or knows much about them, frankly, if she's so exhausted just from hanging out with them every day that she can't do her job.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. Reading through the responses has made me realize that she probably is burned out. I will say until recently she was fabulous with the kids. She was more like a preschool teacher than a nanny. Recently she started getting short with the kids and I heard her one day a few weeks ago telling my son he should get a spanking (we don't spank, not judging those who do but we made it clear to her in the interview our philosophy on discipline). I called her out and was pretty angry, thiugh I'm confident she hasn't spanked either f them. Then se started putting them in time out for 10 minutes at a time. I explained 2.5 minutes tops based on their age. They started thinking it was a joke bc she put them in time out so often and for such minor things. Then she told me a few weeks ago she's concerned about how attached the kids are to her. I explained that I would be concerned if they weren't attached but assured we that they're absolutely fine when she's not there and very attached to me and my husband. She brought up the part time thing, not us. I have asked her if the kids have become too much for her to handle and she says they haven't. I old her I would totally understand if she'd prefer to do something else and we would write a very strong recommendation for her ad keep her on for 3 months to give her time to find another position but that wasn't what she wanted. I hate to do it because she was such abig help to our family for so many months but I agree we need to seriously look at another arrangement. Thanks for the perspective.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, didn't realize I typd so much. Bottom line, thanks to you all for helping me to be more objective and see that she is burned out and we need to make changes.