Bad vibes just now. Advice needed

[Anonymous]

I've been my charges nanny since he was born, he will be 9mos old in a few days. For the past month or so it's been subtle that baby prefers me to mom, but today is not one of those days. Baby literally dove from his mother to get to me when I came in this morning and just now he screamed bloody murder when she took him out of my arms. She made a few snide/hurtful comments to him, wouldnt speak to me.
This is their second DC and I'm second nanny. The first DC and nanny never really gelled, so they put ODC in daycare at 1.
Obviously baby DC and I have bonded hard. But I'm pretty sure I'm going to get fired. Sometimes the gut just knows these things.

Fwiw, mom is not his bio mom, she is is his bio mom's partner

[Anonymous]

You need to change the way you think about it. This isn't an issue of him liking you more, it's an issue of familiarity and the challenge of transitions at this age. If you can say something like that when he does it ("Oh babies are so particular at this age") that will probably help.

[Anonymous]

Does the baby respond the same to his bio mom?

[Anonymous]

OP here, I have. I KNOW he doesn't "like me more or love me more" those were MBs words. She and I and her parter all talked about separation anxiety and transitions, but he only does it to her. Not his other mom. It's causing huge issues I'm not sure how to fix

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I have. I KNOW he doesn't "like me more or love me more" those were MBs words. She and I and her parter all talked about separation anxiety and transitions, but he only does it to her. Not his other mom. It's causing huge issues I'm not sure how to fix

When this situation happens to me I tell the parents stories about other kids I've worked with, like the 4yo who gave his mom a big hug one night while saying "I love daddy more than you." AWESOME. Sometimes it helps to remind them this is all a normal part of growing up and not specific to their family or child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I have. I KNOW he doesn't "like me more or love me more" those were MBs words. She and I and her parter all talked about separation anxiety and transitions, but he only does it to her. Not his other mom. It's causing huge issues I'm not sure how to fix

When this situation happens to me I tell the parents stories about other kids I've worked with, like the 4yo who gave his mom a big hug one night while saying "I love daddy more than you." AWESOME. Sometimes it helps to remind them this is all a normal part of growing up and not specific to their family or child.

+1. Actually, telling anecdotes is a less threatening way to bring up a lot of sensitive subjects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been my charges nanny since he was born, he will be 9mos old in a few days. For the past month or so it's been subtle that baby prefers me to mom, but today is not one of those days. Baby literally dove from his mother to get to me when I came in this morning and just now he screamed bloody murder when she took him out of my arms. She made a few snide/hurtful comments to him, wouldnt speak to me.
This is their second DC and I'm second nanny. The first DC and nanny never really gelled, so they put ODC in daycare at 1.
Obviously baby DC and I have bonded hard. But I'm pretty sure I'm going to get fired. Sometimes the gut just knows these things.

Fwiw, mom is not his bio mom, she is is his bio mom's partner

Totally irrelevant, and makes me not even want to respond to your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been my charges nanny since he was born, he will be 9mos old in a few days. For the past month or so it's been subtle that baby prefers me to mom, but today is not one of those days. Baby literally dove from his mother to get to me when I came in this morning and just now he screamed bloody murder when she took him out of my arms. She made a few snide/hurtful comments to him, wouldnt speak to me.
This is their second DC and I'm second nanny. The first DC and nanny never really gelled, so they put ODC in daycare at 1.
Obviously baby DC and I have bonded hard. But I'm pretty sure I'm going to get fired. Sometimes the gut just knows these things.

Fwiw, mom is not his bio mom, she is is his bio mom's partner

Totally irrelevant, and makes me not even want to respond to your post.

Yet, you did respond. Odd.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I added the last sentence because baby does not do this with his biological mom, just his other mom, and I am freaking out I'm being let go because his mom will not speak to me at all now and will come wake baby up if he is sleeping and then leave the room. Bio mom is out of town.

[Anonymous]

I would just quit if the MB is acting so childish and unprofessional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just quit if the MB is acting so childish and unprofessional.

No. I don't want to quit, I want to work this out and help them thru it. I wouldn't be looking for advice if I wanted to quit, I'd just quit.
I'm here for help because I want to stay.

[Anonymous]

The baby I nanny for is 13 months (I still say baby out of habit. He's almost-walking and almost-talking, but is still super cuddly and baby-like, FWIW).
Anyways, when his mom comes home at the end of the day, he screams when she picks him up and lunges towards me. She doesn't care, thinks it's funny, and has reassured me when I awkwardly apologize or try to explain why he's acting like that ("oh he's been cranky all day...").
The truth is, babies are just freaking like that. If they're in a funky mood, they will choose to just put up a stink about the weirdest/random things. But how do you explain that to MB? I'm not really sure.
I like the PP's suggestion of telling an anecdote here and there about a previous charge doing the same thing. Or even a story of a charge doing the oposite (freaking out when nanny takes him). I think a few stories is a good way to break the awkwardness without hitting too close to home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been my charges nanny since he was born, he will be 9mos old in a few days. For the past month or so it's been subtle that baby prefers me to mom, but today is not one of those days. Baby literally dove from his mother to get to me when I came in this morning and just now he screamed bloody murder when she took him out of my arms. She made a few snide/hurtful comments to him, wouldnt speak to me.
This is their second DC and I'm second nanny. The first DC and nanny never really gelled, so they put ODC in daycare at 1.
Obviously baby DC and I have bonded hard. But I'm pretty sure I'm going to get fired. Sometimes the gut just knows these things.

Fwiw, mom is not his bio mom, she is is his bio mom's partner

Totally irrelevant, and makes me not even want to respond to your post.

Well, it's relevant in that it may be relevant to how MB feels about the situation. We don't know the backstory of why they chose for one to be the bio mom and not the other, but it may very well be that this mom's sense of competition with the nanny is coming partly from feeling competition with her partner for the baby's affection. Not unusual in any relationship, but possibly made more glaring due to circumstance.

[Anonymous]

If you get fired that's fucking stupid. Sorry. I know it's hard for moms to see their children bond more with their nannies in some situations but honestly--it comes with the territory. It just happens. If you are a child's primary caregiver they are going to feel comfortable around you and want you around. Moms need to realize that before even considering hiring a nanny.

[Anonymous]

My MB would never fire me over that...I'm sure it bothers her but she always says its nice to see for her own eyes that DC is getting all the love and nurturing he needs while she is at work.. he proves it by loving me as much as he does.