What do you do when your charges prefer you over their parents?

[Anonymous]

This is my first nannying job. I have three young children, the youngest of which I've been with since he was born, and he will be two soon. I spend more time with them than either parent, I work about 40 to 60 hours a week. If MB is with me and the children, they always come to me first. It's obvious that they prefer me, especially the youngest. The oldest still is a mommy's boy Thank God, but I get so uncomfortable when the toddler throws a fit when his mother tries to take him from me.

Suggestions?

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately that is just bound to happen with some kids..doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. My charge goes through phases where he acts like that. I try to just make it a real exciting event when MB gets home from work..he caught on to that pretty quickly so when he is running to give her huge that is usually when I go up to my bedroom for a while. That way he is distracted and doesn't notice me leaving and I can give them that time together.
It is really awkward though I agree with you but it really is normal.

[Anonymous]

*hugs not huge

[Anonymous]

Kids (for the most part) take their cues from the adults.

In my house it isn't a big deal when the mother or father or nanny come and go. The kids need to be calm and relaxed regardless of who's in charge and creating drama (tears, huge hugs goodbye, excitement around arrival, etc...) just encourages more drama.

As the nanny you have the ability to control the tone of interactions - don't indulge, don't encourage, don't secretly revel in them choosing you first. Be calm and matter of fact.

And don't get too comfortable in the "it's obvious that they prefer me" mindset. This is your first nannying position. They are the first of your charges, the family is the first of your employers, and who knows how long your nannying career will be. Children love their nannies and spend a huge amount of time with them. But a classic pitfall is when attitudes develop around who the child prefers - this is never, ever good for the nanny/employer relationship.

You and the parents need to be allies - never, ever rivalries for the children's affections. The nanny will always lose that battle, often quite uncomfortably, in the long run. I'm sure you're not running around the house talking about how the children prefer you, but it's a slippery slope and the entire basis of your question, which is why it struck me.