Do Moms like hanging out with nannies?
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Anonymous
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Hey guys,
Just wanted some input from nannies and MBs. I have been at my job (fulltime liveout nanny) for a few months now, I go to the playground everyday with DC but I still haven't made any friends in the neighborhood =/. DC is only 4 months old so can't actually 'play' at the playground but I think it is good for hime to start seeing new faces, and socialize since he is an only child. Anyways, this is my first position in D.C., I worked in mostly upper-middle class neighborhoods of MD the past few years and had little to no interaction with nannies (weren't many around?), but made friends with lots of SAHMs in the neighborhood and hung out with them at the playground. What I have been noticing since being in DC at the playgrounds is that the SAHMs play amongst themselves and the nannies have cliques as well. I feel sort of like an outsider. The moms especially seem keen on not friending nannies, but the older nannies have been very friendly. I've only made friends with one male (gay SAHD) but that's it. I'd love for DC to meet other babies and for me to meet others in the neighborhood. Any advice welcome, especially on how to approach moms/nannies. I am very friendly and greet everyone that passes, but never seem to get past generic how are you's etc. |
Anonymous
| Anyone? |
Anonymous
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First thought: welcome to the DC area. Sad, but true.
I frequent the same few playgrounds. While there are some nannies I say hi to, there are very few I've exchanged numbers with and try to actively coordinate playdates. Partially because I'm running after my charges, and partially because they just don't seem that into it. Try to strike up a conversation. Ask how old the kids are. Talk about the weather/playground. Ice breakers. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| Thank you for your response. I've had a few of those but nothing so far. I will definitely keep trying. I guess I have been wondering if you guys are more upfront like "hey want to go on walks together?", without being creepy haha |
Anonymous
| I am in a suburb of Chicago but I have found moms have no interest in being friends with me. I've actually had women walk away upon finding out I'm "just the nanny." I'm lucky to have a couple nanny friends but if not for them I wouldn't have adult interaction. |
Anonymous
| OP, sad but true, there are a lot of insufferable snotty-snobs in this area. To them you are "the help." Take care of your charge and screw them. |
Anonymous
| I was invited to join a playground then had my invitation recinded when they realized I was a nanny. It would've been nice for the kids, but I'm not upset to not spend time with people like that! |
Anonymous
OP here- That's crazy! The suburbs was so much friendlier... I just don't understand that, thought the benefit was primarily for the children. |
Anonymous
| I don't. I hang out with my kid. |
Anonymous
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I am a nanny who meets many mothers and have never had one diss me simply because I was the "hired help."
If mothers are doing this to you OP, don't take it personally. They are just snobs and believe me, you would not want to have a friendship w/someone who is so prejudiced. |
Anonymous
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I became great friends with a woman who I met as a "nanny," but I certainly think of her first as a woman and friend.
Mothers, of all people, (whether we've hired nannies or not) should understand that nannies should be highly valued and respected. |
Anonymous
Perhaps we work in the same suburb of Chicago. I have had the same thing happen to me on numerous occasions. It pisses MB off. Luckily my employers' neighbors are all friendly to me. I've also met a few other really nice moms this year who don't seem to mind the fact that I'm the nanny...and this was after over 3 years with my current family. When I was working in LA I found the mothers nicer than the ones in the current Chicago suburb I work in. They had no issues talking to me and setting up playdates. Now that I'm back in Chicago I can't stand the elitist attitudes of the SAHMs in this suburb. My MB gets a bit on her end as well for being a f/t working mom. It wasn't like this 12 years ago when I worked in a different Chicago suburb...much nicer group of mothers in that suburb. |
Anonymous
| I've had moms turn and walk away mid sentence when they approached me to make friends, no longer surprising, but stll rude! I'm a cool fun nanny, I don't need to make friends I am working after all, but it's nice to have adult conversation at the park. No advise, but I agree & I'm in SF bay area. |
Anonymous
| Oh, I think it's more about long term relationships for MB's, especially in elite communities. As a middle age nannny making friends becomes pretty complicated as their lives are pretty full, I'm guessing they are looking to form long-lasting friendships with women and their children whom they have lots in common with ( live close to each other, so to same school, married, busy, etc.). So I never take it personally when MBs are short with me, but I'm friendly and if they have the time and interest wecan have a friendly chat. |
Anonymous
OP here- I definitely see that perspective. But it's not like they can only have either or. They could make long lasting friendships with other moms and long-term nannies without sacrifice. It just comes off as we're not good enough, which I am sure to a certain extent it really is. It is definitely a culture shock, my last job the SAHMs had no preference because either way it is going to be the same kids at the playground each day. On my off days I often ended up at the same activities with neighborhood moms with my own child. My lesser income doesn't affect my intelligence, personality, or strive for enrichment in culture and knowledge. I'll keep going out there and smiling hopefully I'll meet some that aren't that shallow. =/ |