Cameras

[Anonymous]

Just curious how many parents out there have nanny cameras and how many nannies work for families who do? To the parents: do the nannies know or are they hidden and to the nannies, how do you feel about them? I know I'm going to get a lot of responses from nannies about how they would never work for a family who couldn't trust them but let me say this, because of our cameras we found out one nanny (who had been recommended by friends as an amazing wonderful person) was truly crazy and left my 4 month old outside by himself in 20 degree weather screaming for 10 mins. We also found out another nanny was not being nice and was really impatient with my 2 year old but when we were around pretended she loved him and everything was great.

[Anonymous]

Wow, that terrifies me. We are just in the process of looking for a nanny share for a few hours a week. If I could swing a camera I probably would, just to be sure my lo was safe and being treated well

[Anonymous]

You people who "need" a camera are taking some significant risks. Wow. Don't know how I could ever do that. By the time you find something on a camera, you're to late. Why don't you get that?

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. The primary goal should be prevention. I'm so sorry this happened to you OP but the fact that it happened twice tells me you aren't picking good candidates, listening to your instincts, listening to your child, or diligently checking references. I have never worked for a family that uses cameras, but I don't care if they wanted to. I would like to be told up front that they are there and would make sure they aren't in/in view of the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I agree 100% with the PP that the primary goal should be prevention. I do feel that having the cameras does do that to some extent because the nannies are aware of the cameras and are more careful. As far as not doing a good job picking good candidates, the first time I didn't listen to my instincts as well as I should have since it was the first time I hired a nanny but as far as prior research I'm not really sure how I could have done it differently. The first time the nanny had worked for good friends of ours for years and they and their kids loved her. She had a degree in early childhood education and everything she said to me was exactly what I wanted to hear. She had good references and her background check all checked out. After she started working for us I think she actually went crazy (it probably had been brewing for a while but she had been with the previous family for so long I think they ignored some of the signs).

After it didn't work out with the first crazy nanny we started using an agency and had 2 wonderful nannies who both moved on to do other things with their lives but have stayed in touch with us and still come and see us sometimes. The next nanny was also from the agency. All of the references said only good things about her and she had worked for the agency for several years. To me she always seemed very sweet and always told me how good my kids were. She gave the impression that she loved my kids too. Whenever I observed her with them she was always very kind and sweet to them. My kids are too little though to tell me how things are when I'm not there. That's how the cameras helped. She was very sweet and nice to the baby but was very impatient with the toddler. I could go in to details of what she did but that's not the point. The point is I would never have known any of this without the cameras. She wasn't horrible but just not as loving to my toddler as I wanted her to be when I wasn't around. None of the previous references would have known that either without cameras because she acts very different when parents are around.

[Anonymous]

It seems these problems are most pervasive when we hire people who don't really love their work. If they did love their work, they'd never do this stupid stuff.
Does this concept make sense to anyone?

[Anonymous]

PP has a point. I wouldn't trust a nanny who doesn't really love her work. A nannycam is the way to go. I definitely think it's important to tell the nanny the cam is there.

[Anonymous]

I think that if you want a camera, you have no business leaving your child with a person you don't trust. If it was a housekeeper who might steal your diamonds, that's different. Your diamonds can be replaced, but you can NEVER undo the neglect or abuse of your child.

It's your CHILD, people. How can you take that kind of risk? So many parents have lost their marbles, when it comes to settling for crazy childcare arrangements. But heck, you've got a career to take care of. First things first. To bad it's not your child.

Major vent here. Just can't believe how many "parents" are running off to the office without first securing competent and trustworthy childcare.

[Anonymous]

We have nanny cams. Our nanny does not know. There's one in the kitchen (that overlooks the kitchen and great room where DD often plays), one in the playroom and one in DD's bedroom.

I think you can be diligent in checking all the references, listening to instincts, doing background checks, etc. but everyone who abuses, abuses someone for the first time at some point. And yes, if we find abuse on the camera then the damage has already been done, but at least the damage was only done once, instead of however many times before we figure it out without the help of a camera.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have nanny cams. Our nanny does not know. There's one in the kitchen (that overlooks the kitchen and great room where DD often plays), one in the playroom and one in DD's bedroom.

I think you can be diligent in checking all the references, listening to instincts, doing background checks, etc. but everyone who abuses, abuses someone for the first time at some point. And yes, if we find abuse on the camera then the damage has already been done, but at least the damage was only done once, instead of however many times before we figure it out without the help of a camera.

I'd be worried about all the places where you don't have cameras. Since you say she doesn't know that you have the cameras, ever see her doing something that would indicate that?

[Anonymous]

I agree that cameras only catch the abuse after it happens which is so sad. I am a nanny. If I've ever worked for a family that had cameras, I've never known about them. I would be a little suprised, but I'm also a mom so I understand the desire to do the camera thing. Honestly, my only concern would be if I was caught on the camera changing or something, as sometimes when baby pukes on me, I change my shirt right away. Other than that, they'd only "catch" me dancing liike a dork with the kiddos

[Anonymous]

Not sure if I'd want to be caught doing a silly dance or whatever. So I assume I am being spied on. It takes away a bit, but what the hell. Who cares. I don't think all moms want you to kiss their child, even if they tell you it's ok. So I'm careful about that to. A camera means they don't trust you. No two ways about it. You have to feel sorry for them, having to be worried like that all day. You have to wonder how they get any work done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have nanny cams. Our nanny does not know. There's one in the kitchen (that overlooks the kitchen and great room where DD often plays), one in the playroom and one in DD's bedroom.

I think you can be diligent in checking all the references, listening to instincts, doing background checks, etc. but everyone who abuses, abuses someone for the first time at some point. And yes, if we find abuse on the camera then the damage has already been done, but at least the damage was only done once, instead of however many times before we figure it out without the help of a camera.

You have already violated one of the most important aspects of a good nanny/family relationship-trust. I hope your nanny doesn't find out (well, actually, I hope she does.)

[Anonymous]

Interesting that the remarks against cameras are all from nannies not from MBs. Why don't you try being in our shoes before you judge. I work because I HAVE to not because I want to so your comments about how we should stay home if we can't trust someone with our children are completely unhelpful. My husband is in the Army and while he is serving our country he doesn't make enough to support us on his own so I have to work too. Because of my husbands military service we live thousands of miles from any family so I have NO support here either. I have cameras, not because I'm afraid of abuse, all I can do it hope my instincts and research into nannies background etc is enough to ensure I haven't hired someone who is abusive. I have cameras because my children are too little to be able to talk and tell me how the nanny is with them. There are plenty of "ok" nannies who won't abuse my children and keep them safe but they won't be loving to them etc when I'm not around. THAT'S why I have cameras. We've had several nannies (not because they haven't been excellent but because they moved on to do other things with their lives) and when we have a new nanny start I find the cameras helpful (and for the record I tell the nannies about them). Once they've been with us for a while I don't use the cameras anymore. So before you start judging me why don't you think about what's it's like to HAVE to work and take care of my family by myself while my husband is deployed.

[Anonymous]

8:37, thank you for your service. Help us better understand your situation. Are you in some kind of high-earning field? It seems you need to earn quite a bit to be able to support the nanny, or maybe you reciprocate in some other way, like taking care of her children, while she goes to a job? Or maybe you share your housing with her? How much were you able to get to know her, before you left her with your children? How did you find her? Thank you again.