Weird Situation...
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Anonymous
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I've posted on a couple of childcare websites trying to gather as many opinions as possible too see if my situation is appropraite or not.
So just a little background before I get to my main point. I was working for a family for around 20months before I was very unexpectedly let go. I was called about an hour after I got home from working and fired on the spot without any warning. Now, I was shocked to say the least. I had worked with the family for so long and honestly believed I had a good relationship with the mom. I always accommodated the family schedule, stayed later, came early, and worked weekends. I was let go for calling in too many times. After the shock of being fired wore off I went through my schedule and realized I had missed 4 days over a span of about 5 months, which doesn't seem like a lot to me personally. Now, my current problem is that all of this happened about 5 months ago and I still feel like I never got any proper closure in the situation. So I just need advice on how to handle myself and what to do. I was very attached to the little girl I cared for. (I was there for her first steps, words, sitting up, etc.) With the exception of a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year etc. text messages I haven't had any contact with the family. I've been thinking of contacting the mom and seeing if she wants to meet for coffee or lunch? I would love to see the little girl and just catch up. It's been a long time but I don't know if this is considered inappropriate. If it is, what can I do to help myself move on? Please help! |
Anonymous
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OP, I am so sorry this happened to you. As a fellow nanny myself, I empathize w/your feelings toward your charge. It must break your heart to think you may never see her again.
In my opinion, however calling in sick 4x in 5mos is kinda a lot. Not too much, but enough of a headache that the parents either had to stay home from work or scramble to find back~up. Can you tell us what you stayed home for? What people don't realize is that those of us who work w/young children are exposed to every germ imaginable, bar none. Families need to take this into account and arrange back~up options. However, there are more nannies looking for work than families hiring and this family knows this and is taking full advantage of it. While I agree they should have given you ample notice of your firing, in the nanny profession it is advised by many experts to NEVER leave your child in the care of someone who you have already fired. Experts say this can put a child at risk since once the nanny is fired, she may take her anger out on the child and/or house. I am not saying that is what you were going to do, but it is best that when a family fires a nanny, they let her go immediately. I think they could at least given you 2wk severance pay however. Anyway, this family must view you as indispensable since after 20mos they let you go. Most "normal" families do not want their child exposed to a revolving door of nannies. They want their child to have stability and will compromise at times to allow that. You probably dodged a bullet here. This family didn't offer you any severance pay plus they fired you after almost {!} 2 yrs. You can offer to meet them for coffee. Explain that they could have given you a warning first. Maybe you can save your job?! Not sure at this point. At the very least, hopefully you can get a reference from them....though if they tell your new family that your reliability is spotty, it might be best not to use them. Good Luck. Again, so sorry and hope things work out either way. |
Anonymous
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3:10's advice was pretty spot on.
You can try to contact if you want, but I don't really see the point. Coffee or lunch? You aren't friends. You were an employee. They let you go 5 months ago. Harsh, but true. I think you need to figure out what you really want from this meeting to help with closure. -Do you want an explanation for why you were let go? You already got it. You called out too much in a short period of time (and yes, that is a lot. I've called out 2-3 days per year for illness.) -Do you want to see the little girl for a proper goodbye? Honestly, it's been 5 months. She might not remember much of you. But to meet up just to gab and catch up seems sort of silly. You weren't friends. |
Anonymous
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I think you need to move on. I can't imagine contacting ANY former employer almost half a year after they FIRED me to get together for coffee. Are you thinking you'll get your job back? I'm sure they waited to fire you until they had other childcare lined up. Are you just hoping for closure? "Time heals all wounds" seems applicable here. It's great you remember the kid but she very well may not remember you at all. I really think you need to just let things go.
And btw, I'm a mom with a nanny, and yes, calling in sick four different times in five months is too much. Lastly, if I were firing someone, I would NEVER give them notice. That wouldn't be smart at all. |
Anonymous
This exactly. |
Anonymous
I hope your nanny doesn't regard you as callously if she decides to drop you. |
Anonymous
| Nanny here- In 6 years I've called in sick 0 times. You calling in sick 4 times in 5 months is outrageous and you deserved to be sacked! The baby is now 5 months older and I'm sorry if you are still sad but she has long forgotten you. Please move on with your life and leave this family alone. |
Anonymous
| Can we stop with the constant guilt over calling in sick? Yeah 4 times in 5 months is a lot, but you don't get some gold star for having never done so in 6 years. You've likely been sick at some point during those 6 years but went to work anyway, and is that really what's best for the kids you care for? If nothing else, they are getting a nanny at less than 100%. There is nothing wrong with using your sick days when you are sick, they are there for a reason. |
Anonymous
+111111111 Thank you! |
Anonymous
I see your point. But generally, I call out sick when I am vomiting or have a high fever (anything over 101). OP needs to take better care of herself if she's getting that sick so frequently. 
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Anonymous
+100000. |
Anonymous
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Didn't you already post about this before? I seem to remember the 4 times in 5 months thing already.
What are you expecting from the ex-MB? Visiting rights for the kid that you got attached to? I'm sorry that it has been 5 months and you are still a mess over this whole thing, but you really need to put it behind you and move on. If you got fired and had no notice at all, she sure is not likely to let you come and do any babysitting work or visit just for the sake of seeing the kid. I agree that while being sick 4 times doesn't seem like a lot generally, for the nanny profession it actually kind of is when you look at it in the point of view of the parents, them having to find backup care can suck. I can kind of see you wanting to try to talk to her if this had JUST happened, but as it was so long ago, I really don't see a point. I am also wondering why you were sending text messages to her for things like Christmas etc at all. I do that with some of my previous families that I left on good terms with, but from one that you were fired from and in that manner? No way. |
Anonymous
| Nanny here...if you really miss the baby, you could call and explain that..just ask if you could visit her. Be prepared that they may say no though and don't fall apart over it. I was with my first family for years..I cried every day for 6 months when that job was over..I was way too attached. So I get where the nanny is coming from. It also may be a good idea to get involved in some activities and put some other things in your life. With this nanny job I have a life outside of work and I find that helps me keep stronger boundaries. I.e I am not available at the drop of a hat because I am busy all the time |
Anonymous
| It's weird. Move on. Get a new job. |
Anonymous
| OP, this door is closed and you need to let it go. The MB is a bitch and you are well rid of her. |