How do I tell our nanny of four years we don't need her anymore?

[Anonymous]

Our nanny has worked with us for four years, but the kids are now 9 and 11 and my job has gotten more flexible. We'll probably still need occasional babysitting, but we're thinking that next year we willmostly be able to pick up the kids at school ourselves, and we will sign the kids up for their school's aftercare program as backup. It makes no financial sense forums to continue to pay a (high-ish) nanny salary when we just no longer need nearly as much childcare. We will help her find another job, and I suspect it won't be too hard; she is wonderful and affectionate and responsible and will have great references from us and from previous employers.

But man, I am having a tough time figuring out how to break the news to our nanny. Any advice? And any advice on how to sustain a relationship with someone we like and respect, who is important to us and to the kids, but who is not "a friend"? Our nanny is foreign born, older, not great English... The kids love her, but feel at this point slightly frustrated by her overprotectiveness. (They think, with some justification, that she treats them like they are six). I would hate to have her disappear from our lives, but am also not sure how best or in what way to sustain the relationship once she is no longer our nanny.

Argh, this is hard. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

I'm on my phone so briefly:

Let her know as early as you can so she has time to find another position
If you can help her advertise or recommend her to friends with you get kids, do
Invite her to babysit for date nights as often as you want/can
If you can, a parting bonus for a nanny you've loved but outgrown is very thoughtful

You sound like a really nice person so just tell her honestly how much you've appreciated her and assure her this is just a change of needs and nothing to do with her. A card expressing your sentiments is nice as she can reread it and take the time to understand it all.

[Anonymous]

Be straightforward and honest. That entire first paragraph only needs minor tweaking to be gentle, honest, and respectful. If she's nannied before then she's had positions end and knows that's part of the business. If you're interested in still having her occasionally babysit (assuming she wants to) and you're giving her great references, lots of advance notice, and helping her find another job then I think she will understand.

In terms of sustaining the relationship, talk with her about wanting to do that - including her in b'day celebrations, or having her over for dinner some time after she's left, or having her babysit, etc... Also, if you would ever ask her to stay with the kids while you and your partner are away you can talk about that too.

I think you'll be fine. You are sad about this stage of life ending but that goes with the territory. If she's professional, and if she's had a solid relationship w/ you for all of this time she'll be sad also but she'll understand. And frankly, maybe there's a part of her that will enjoy having younger kids again so it may not be terrible for her (assuming she finds something good).

Good luck but I think you'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Also, keep in mind you may lose her over the summer for someone who needs a new nanny for the summer and beyond. Don't begrudge her the opportunity to start looking sooner vs later. It's not always easy to find the best fit.

[Anonymous]

Give her as much notice as possible.

All of us nannies know that EVERYONE eventually outgrows their need for a nanny. It's part of the job.

Just be honest with her about possible future work and keeping in touch.

[Anonymous]

Tell her ASAP, give a gift, from the kids, severance pay, at least a month warning, and a recommendation letter.

[Anonymous]

give a gift from the kids, severance pay*

added an extra coma by mistake.

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