Nanny Share Questions!
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Anonymous
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Hi All,
So I'm about 19 weeks along with my first, and although I won't need childcare until Nov/Dec 2013, I'm a planner. I work alot, have long hours, and my husband travels a few nights/month, so we have been thinking that we need a nanny with flexible hours for when he's away. I really like the idea of a nanny-share (mostly to save $$) but have a ton of questions. Those of you with experience (both nannies and parents), help me out! 1. Since I work so much, I really like the idea of a nanny who helps with household chores (ie - tidying up, laundry). But is that too much to expect when they are going house to house? Do you just lose that aspect of a nanny when you're doing a share? 2. A logistics question: we would need to host on days when my husband is traveling, but then do we need to have 2 cribs, 2 high chairs, a double-stroller, etc? Or does the non-host just bring over a pack n play for napping and a space-saver high-chair? We don't have a huge house... 3. Do most people switch back and forth, or just have one family host? If only one family is hosting, are the costs split evenly? THanks for your help. Also if anyone is looking to do a share in Silver Spring (20901) in Nov/Dec, let me know! I know it's a bit early though... |
Anonymous
Tidying up after themselves and the kids is expected, but yes, other chores are often what you lose in a nanny share. Think of it from both sides - if you're Family A and nanny and kids are at Family B's house all day, she can ONLY do Family B's laundry, but you're paying her the same and any attention it takes away from the kids affects them both. This isn't insurmountable but it is less common with a share nanny than a single-family nanny.
It works best if one family hosts FT - not sure why you'd need to host sometimes and not all the time. There should be two of everything at the host house, including a double stroller. Guest family provides the single pieces at the beginning (high chair and whatnot) and leaves them there - the cost of other things (stroller, exersaucer) are often split between the families.
Typically one family hosts. The costs are typically split evenly. The trade-off being...host family has more mess/wear&tear but don't have to get their kids ready and out the door in the morning. Traveling family does have to get everyone moving early on but doesn't come home to any kind of mess in the evenings and doesn't have to find room to store extra equipment. |
Anonymous
| Nanny here. OP, I love that you are proactive in planning ahead. I wish you all the best with your new little one. Congratulations to you. |
Anonymous
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PP gave good advice. To the question on taking up room - you just need a pack n'play for the guest baby, not another full size crib. what you need in kitchen depends on age of babies but I think you could find a chair booster that would work for all except really little infants to use as the 2nd seat.
I have hosted FT and alternated. I much prefer the former. Hosting is awesome; packing up clothes and food sucks. Also w/ alternating you need to either schlep stuff back and forth (no way to do that if you split the week in half w/o going crazy) or keep a whole other set of stuff at each house. It's doable, but just much smoother ifyou can find another family that is OK with not hosting. I recommend that if you are alternate hosting you just get extras to leave at the other house (yes, 2 pack n'plays, 2 extra boosters/highchairs, extra double stroller). The cost will be way worth it compared to the schlepping around. Highly recommend sharing. Make sure too though that you are clear both with the other family and the nanny about the need for regular extended hours. If you already work a lot and anticipate needing her even more when DH is traveling she could easily end up over 50 hrs a week on a regular basis and that's a LOT. i'd worry about burn-out. If you need a nanny for a ton of hours most weeks, I suggest picking one who doesn't live super far from you if you can. That way she at least still can have a life instead of spending all the time working plus commuting. This is in YOUR interest since you want her to stick around. |
Anonymous
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OP here, thanks so much for the advice! I am totally OK with hosting all the time, as long as we don't need a TON of extra stuff. We have a small 3-bedroom house and one room is my husband's office. We do have finished basement though which will probably turn into a play room, as well as a great back yard for kids.
I don't think we'll need over 50 hours/week all the time. Hours would be reasonable when DH is around (8-5ish, rarely later), but then when he is gone (about 1x/week or less) it would be kinda rough, more like 7a-7p. I'm an Infectious Diseases fellow and my hours are long and unpredictable. Hence the need for a nanny and not daycare. Do most people who host have a double-stroller? |
Anonymous
| A nanny will expect her hours to be SOMEWHAT predictable - how far in advance do you know your hours? (I mention this because you did, and very few nannies would want to find out the day before that tomorrow would be a 12 hour instead of an 8 hour day, but most would be fine with a shift in schedule as long as it was announced a week or two ahead of time.) |
Anonymous
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I'm a physician, and several of my cofellows had nannies. (It wasn't that long ago!)
I understand the predicament, you really can't just leave on time much of the time. I think you have to host. You can have hours that vary, but you can't expect another family to host your kid beyond their hours, even if you are paying, except in very rare circumstances. Also, while it's totally reasonable to have a variable schedule, you have to keep the unexpectedness to a minimum. This might mean paying for several extra hours when your husband isn't there to back you up, but being late, often, even if you pay OT, is not a good way to keep a good nanny. The further ahead you can promise the schedule will be firm, the better. Finally, don't forget post call time. Unless ID doesn't have exhausting call, you are going to want coverage on your post call days so you can get some sleep. A few fellows tried to do without this, and it caught up with them. |
Anonymous
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OP, were in a nanny share now, and while the PPs have given you great advice, I have to mention that the one part of having a nanny that you trade the most with a share is flexibility. For the nanny's sanity and to make the share work, you need set hours, and while there can be some variation, too much too often will not work. Be aware that you factor the other family's schedule into everything - vacation days, start times, end times, etc. It's great and we love it, but consistency is important when the nanny has to work for two employers. Also, the timing issues you raise with hours changing depending on when DH is around may mean you pay alone for some hours that the other family won't want or need. Not to discourage you, but just be aware that you may need your own nanny for the flexibility you want.
Also, you can alternate (we do one month at our house, one month at their house), but we do have double everything (except stroller - we bought one together and that's the only thing we transfer back and forth). |
Anonymous
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OP again. Thanks so much for all the helpful comments! We would LOVE to save $ on a share, but are starting to think that we may need our own nanny until I'm finished with my fellowship. We generally look at DH's schedule on Sunday to figure out when he'll be out of town for the week, but I think if we need to plan farther ahead, we could. So hopefully we could find a nanny who is OK with mostly set hours, and 1-2 weeks notice for the days when DH is out and she'll have to wait for me to get home (which as the physician-poster mentioned, can be a VERY last minute thing. I often don't know when I'll be able to leave until I'm packing up my stuff). However, thankfully I just take home call, so I don't have to worry about overnights or post-call time, but thanks for the perspective!
DH is also now starting to worry that having TWO sleeping/crying kids in the house during the day when he's trying to work could cramp his style a bit. Not very professional to make a business call with a kid wailing in the background... Personal nannies are just so expensive! |
Anonymous
OP, you and your husband sound like smart, thoughtful people. I am the PP who said most nannies prefer a week or two of notice, but I actually work for a doctor (GP) and provide this kind of flexibility for my employers without a problem. They pay me $20/hr and time-and-a-half OT for all my scheduled hours over 40.* I would just as happily work this job with the one child I have now as with two in a share. If you can afford $10/hr plus the willingness to host, I think you could find a great share nanny who could make it work for you all. Hopefully the children won't wail too often - my charges never have, so you could get lucky too! 
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Anonymous
| * I should also say that when my employers are late without notice (anything less than letting me know the morning of) they pay me $40/hr. I never asked for this, didn't expect it, and have never put it in our contract, but it's what they offer me and I accept. They don't need to do this, and they don't need to do it every time, but it creates a lot of goodwill on my end. If you can do this even occasionally when you have unexpected changes in your schedule, it will mean a lot to your nanny to know you respect her time and flexibility. |
Anonymous
I was going to say this and the fact that you arrived there on your own is great and says you are honest with yourself and will make a great boss! A lot of people like the idea of the cost savings in a share, but deep down really want the convenience and flexibility of their own nanny. These people tend to monopolize the nanny with their own needs and preferences and it really sucks for the nanny, and the other family. In your case I would suggest someone less experienced (you can save some money here) and your husband is home in case of any emergencies. |
Anonymous
| For a FT share to work, you really need to agree on set core hours for the share. It's ok if once every few weeks you have a longer day or so, but nanny needs to know that 8 - 5 or 9 - 6:30 is what she sets aside in her schedule. You can't swap 7 - 4, then 10 - 7:30 in a share - that's just too chaotic and will mean the nanny is burnt out working a ton of hours to cover both schedules. |