Issues with Mb regard buying gifts for charges. Seeking opinion.

[Anonymous]

I am taking care of 3 pre teen boys part time, and I have been with them almost 1 year. I like the family and I can see myself extending my work for them for another year. However, there is something that made me very uncomfortable and I would like to hear other opinions. I like to give gifts to my charges and my MB is Ok with that. The boys like to chose what they want (I usually set $30 limit per each gift), but before I actually buy it I always run it with my MB to make sure she is Ok with it.
Several months ago I was getting b-day gifts for the boys and I made sure the parents are fine with the books one of my charges picked. I also picked the PG-13 movie (without asking my MB) from my charge’s wish list that they have been talking about for weeks. (MB mentioned that all the boys get gift no matter whose b-day it is so no one would feel left out)
I came with the gifts and showed it to my MB so she can see before I wrapped it. It was very surprising to me when she started saying that she is not sure about the books I purchased, like maybe the books were not really appropriate etc etc. I reminded her that my charge already posses a book from the same series (she bought it for him) and that this is Vol 3 and 4 that he wanted. I also mentioned that I asked earlier if the books were fine and that she said yes. In the end I said that I have no problem returning it and getting something else if she feels like she is having change of heart. She responded that she don’t know and that she will see. I said ok and I put the books away so she can think about it (she dragged it for days and in the end she decided that the books are ok, but that still don’t know for sure.. ) I never understood what was the problem there.

However, the movie was a huge miss, she told me to return it because she read somewhere that there were sexy scenes in the movie (there was indeed one intense kissing scene). The movie was my mistake and I should have asked first, but I thought it was fine since at the time that movie was showing in the movie theater they were mentioning to watch it. They never got to do it so I thought it would be a nice surprise to buy that one from my charge‘s wish list. Also, the kind of movies boys watch are far more inappropriate in sense of profanity, nudity and violence and I would have never thought that the one I chose could be a problem, but since I never really asked my MB for permission I just apologized and returned the move.
I asked if I could buy one of the other movies from my charges list but she responded that she would like to buy it for them and I said ok and we left it at that.

Now, it is my anniversary working for them and I decided to give gifts. I mentioned to her and my DB and they were fine with that. The 2 younger ones already knew what they wanted so we went to the store and got it, but the older one needed a few days. Today he decided to get a computer game. He already have that game on their shared iPad, (and all 3 boys love it which caused several problems in the past because they all wanted to play it on the iPad.) I asked MB if she is Ok with the PC game and she said she is really fine with it as long as I am fine with managing who gets what in my charges play time. However, I the middle of us creating his account and me buying the game she called her Ds and started asking him what this PC version game has to offer ,and he started answering her all excited. Then she started asking me what if the other 2 want to play it sometimes and did they have a choice of choosing that game as their anniversary gift. I was a little confused to be honest but I responded that they had a choice to choose anything within the price limit: a game, a toy, a book, anything they like as long as is appropriate. Then she asked me again, but did you specify : “do you want “game name” as your gift?” I said that I did not ask if they want anything specific but that I gave them option to pick what they like. She responded that this might cause problems and that I need to talk to the younger ones and make sure they understand what “buying this game” means. She said that the younger ones have “different mind set” and that maybe I should have asked them specifically if they wanted a certain game. Then she asked me to make sure they know that this game is only their brothers.

I went to talk to the younger boys and explained to them that their older brother wanted this game and that they should be fine with it. (it sounds weird as I am writing it) The boys just said Ok (they might have been a little confused why I was telling them all that since they were there when the older one decided what he wanted to buy, and they didn’t care much) I bought the game, we install it, made profile.. My charge was so happy and I felt great that I am giving him something he really likes (they really have everything, and its hard to get them the right gift). However, on my way out my MB again started talking about consequences this game might bring to their lives. Then she asked one of my younger charges “are you happy with what you got as a gift from S.?” he responded as yes, then she continued: “are you sure that you didn’t want -game name- but you wanted this toy?’ he responded as that he didn’t said he didn’t want the game he just picked that” then she said to everybody in room: ”you see that’s what I was saying, this is the issue, now he wants it too” I was so confused and I didn’t know how to respond on that. She kept saying that now this might be a problem because they might want to have a game in the future. I left totally confused.

I have no idea what I did wrong or what should I say tomorrow when I show up to work. Honestly, this is the second time I feel like a complete idiot just because I decided to buy kids gifts., and the second time I feel like apologizing for buying the gifts she already approved. I feel very uncomfortable and I don’t understand why is this such a big deal for my MB and why is she changing her mind this much and making me look bad. I would love to know what other pre-teen’s parents or nannies thinks about this. I know its long and probably not well written (I am not native English speaker), so please be kind

[Anonymous]

Why are you buying gifts for your anniversary? I love to give gifts as well but would never think that's an occasion to give one.

[Anonymous]

This is the first time that I am doing it too. I usually stick to b-day gifts or some special occasion, but this time I felt like giving anniversary gifts. Maybe that is not the best idea with this family since this is the second time I ended up feeling uncomfortable. However I would like to know what other parents and nannies think about this.

[Anonymous]

If anyone should give gifts on an nanniversary, it should be the parents.

[Anonymous]

I understand that you like giving things, but I think you are going a little crazy with the gift giving. It seems like the kids get enough presents already from their family, any family that does gifts for all kids on just one of their birthdays so the others don't feel left out is going overboard. Also, the max price of $30 each gift is quite high! If you go and look at some toys that many kids would love (maybe not for their particular ages) you can find plenty that are between $8-20 on the high end. I think a $30 gift should be reserved to the ONE kids actual birthday present.

While the mom is definitely the one creating drama over the younger kids with the game, I honestly don't see the need for any of them to be getting all these gifts. This country is already so focused on materialistic items that you aren't helping with how the kids view things and think that they NEED items like this to be happy.

Most nannies I know generally go the other way, trying to show kids that they DON'T need to get the latest game, that a gift worth $5 can be just as good as one worth $30 etc. I can just imagine what these kids will be like when they are 16-18 yrs old. Expecting anything they want and that even people who aren't related to them will buy them stuff if they ask for it.

[Anonymous]

Thanks PP. I see your point and I appreciate it. You are actually right. I got carried away with all the gift giving. I don't buy holiday gifts though, and the only gifts I buy are b-day ones. However as I motioned this time I decided to get them anniversary gift. I understand its not common and I never did it before. I am definitely puzzled why all drama that my Mb created. I am not quite sure if that is smth we should have discussion about or..

[Anonymous]

First chapter. I'd stop buying the stuff. Either make something special or do something special together. These kids usually already have too much junk. Let the parents stack the junk piles, not you.

[Anonymous]

I would just stop buying the kids gifts. MB obviously seems to have a problem with it even though she doesn't seem great at communicating that. I wouldn't apologize anymore either, you've said sorry (even though you did everything right!) just leave it now.

[Anonymous]

I'd stop buying the kids gifts. The MB seems to create drama about it no matter what and it just seems like more trouble than it's worth.

[Anonymous]

I agree w/ the others - just stop giving gifts and do something fun as a treat instead. Lunch out together somewhere, a day trip to the aquarium, etc... MB sounds weird about this, it sounds like you and she have some communication issues, and the gift giving (on all sides) sounds over the top.

[Anonymous]

The only time I ever buy my charge a gift is for Christmas or his birthday and I spend $10-15. It's not necessary for you to be buying these children presents, especially if you need to get all 3 a gift every time it's a child's birthday. How about taking them out for a treat such as ice cream? Or going on a fun activity like bowling or ice skating.

[Anonymous]

It seems to backward for a nanny to be spending her own $ on her charges. It makes her look financially not to savvy to most MBs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems to backward for a nanny to be spending her own $ on her charges. It makes her look financially not to savvy to most MBs.

It's OP's money and choice what she wants to do with her money and why and how would mb know if that is OP's only source of income??

OP, because your mb seems to be making mountains out of molehills about the gifts, I would ease up gift giving unless for very special holidays like birthdays, etc.

[Anonymous]

Why the hell do MBs care about having a "financially savvy" nanny? She takes care of your kids, she's not your accountant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell do MBs care about having a "financially savvy" nanny? She takes care of your kids, she's not your accountant.

We don't all care about that. Our nanny loves to give gifts, too. We don't want her to spend money on us but it makes her happy, and it is her money. We worry that she is not saving for retirement and has made some poor spending choices that cause her anxiety, but it is not our business unless she asks for a loan.