Issues with Mb regard buying gifts for charges. Seeking opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd stop buying the kids gifts. The MB seems to create drama about it no matter what and it just seems like more trouble than it's worth.

+1

Take them out for a treat instead, if you want to acknowledge a birthday/anniversary. Your MB sounds like someone who needs to create drama in her family life in order to feel in control as a parent, so remove yourself from that equation by not buying tangible gifts for them. Sorry OP but hopefully you'll all enjoy a fun trip to build ice cream sundaes or play at an amusement park instead.

[Anonymous]

Op here: thanks everyone. I appreciate your responses and your time to read my super long post. I would like to mention that this job is not my only source of income, and thank God I am financially comfortable. Buying gifts 2 times a year would not make a big difference, however I will be spending much less from now on. I have an idea of being more creative in the future. My charges love video games and that's basically the only thing that interest them at this point (my charges severe allergies prevent me from doing the ice cream thing, or anything involving food since that's one of the hardest thing to do is make them eat - anything, even junk food) I feel great buying them game that they like. In fact The one they are into right now encourage creativity which i found refreshing. However, as I mentioned above I will stick to buying bday gifts only. My concern is my mb's reaction. I had no intention of stepping on her toes or crossing the boundaries, but it seems like I did since for the 2nd time she is creating a problem. Generally we have no communication problems and that's why this puzzles me. I am not sure if this is something I should just let go or maybe sit and have a talk with my mb.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. Speaking as an MB, it is hard to come up with gifts, especially for boys, as they get older. Siblings just complicate things further. Relatives ask what they can get the kids for birthdays and holidays so I have to come up with new ideas besides trying to keep a few for DH and I to use. Many people don't like to give younger kids money since the kids aren't very excited by it. I think shared experiences are what they will remember most so I think that would be a nice alternative to gifting that you can use. Run your ideas for a special activity or outing by the MB first, just in case. Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here: thanks everyone. I appreciate your responses and your time to read my super long post. I would like to mention that this job is not my only source of income, and thank God I am financially comfortable. Buying gifts 2 times a year would not make a big difference, however I will be spending much less from now on. I have an idea of being more creative in the future. My charges love video games and that's basically the only thing that interest them at this point (my charges severe allergies prevent me from doing the ice cream thing, or anything involving food since that's one of the hardest thing to do is make them eat - anything, even junk food) I feel great buying them game that they like. In fact The one they are into right now encourage creativity which i found refreshing. However, as I mentioned above I will stick to buying bday gifts only. My concern is my mb's reaction. I had no intention of stepping on her toes or crossing the boundaries, but it seems like I did since for the 2nd time she is creating a problem. Generally we have no communication problems and that's why this puzzles me. I am not sure if this is something I should just let go or maybe sit and have a talk with my mb.

I also recommended a trip to the amusement park, or water park for that matter. Or an indoor tumble play zone with trampolines and foam pits? Tickets for any of those shouldn't be more than $30 per child so you would be saving money, making memories, and (hopefully) not irritating your MB.

I think you should let it go, I don't expect that talking to her will make a different. The only thing you might say is, "MB, I know there was some confusion over the last round of presents I got for the boys so I'd like to make future gifts something that includes them all and that they'll remember, like a special trip or outing. Do you know of anywhere they'd really like to go that you'd be comfortable with me taking them to celebrate XYZ?"

[Anonymous]

No. 1. Children should be taught at very young age that they do not receive gifts on sibling's birthday.

No. 2. Find a new job with someone who appreciates you.

[Anonymous]

OP, what did you get for your nannyversary????

[Anonymous]

Nothing yet but I hope the boys are planning something. Nannyversary is in few weeks, but I gave them my gifts early. Yesterday one of my younger charges told me that when u left home his mother asked him if he would like to return his gift and get the video game too, and he answered that he would like to keep the gift he got. My charge also said that he would like game too and that maybe he can buy it later on with his chore money. Later in my MB made a statement that now all kids want the same game. I said: Ok. Them she said it again and again so I decided to talk to her. I ll continue writing later.

[Anonymous]

When I left home*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing yet but I hope the boys are planning something. Nannyversary is in few weeks, but I gave them my gifts early. Yesterday one of my younger charges told me that when u left home his mother asked him if he would like to return his gift and get the video game too, and he answered that he would like to keep the gift he got. My charge also said that he would like game too and that maybe he can buy it later on with his chore money. Later in my MB made a statement that now all kids want the same game. I said: Ok. Them she said it again and again so I decided to talk to her. I ll continue writing later.

Ok, now I think your MB should just let it go. The kids will be fine with what they got.

[Anonymous]

OP: Well, I told my Mb that I feel that she might not be too happy with my recent gift giving, then I asked if I have done something wrong. She said that I have done nothing wrong but she doesn’t want me to spend my money on kids. Then she said that she wants all kids to be happy and that buying game for one kid and not for others might cause a problems and fights between kids and that she doesn’t want that. She said that they will probably end up buying 2 extra games for younger boys.

[Anonymous]

I'm not a nanny so please feel free to ignore me: isn't the whole point of a childcare professional to engage kids in ways that parents can't? Buying video games and adult movies for young boys just seems... off to me. I don't know if my expectations are too high but my guess is that if you were buying science kits and museum tickets, the MB wouldn't mind. Just seems a bit lazy. Especially since no one is ASKING for the gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. 1. Children should be taught at very young age that they do not receive gifts on sibling's birthday.

No. 2. Find a new job with someone who appreciates you.

I agree with 1

These kids are going to be brats growing up. They're going to think that they deserve what Joe Smo has. Why are they all getting gifts if its only one child's birthday? That's weird and mom seems to be causing more drama and harm with her 'rules'.

[Anonymous]

Op here: Pp, no one should ask for gifts. Gifts would not be gifts if you ask for it. For other things you may be right but remember to change a ways the kids are you need to have parents on board, and even though it sounds easy in practice is much different, at least in my case. So far i tried to make changes when it comes to eating/table manners, and chores. I made very small progress. Even though my bosses agreed with all the ideas I have presented them they don't really follow my ways. They have other priorities they like to focus on and thats ok. Also, I cannot call myself a professional child are giver. It wouldn't be fair. I am a casual nanny (if that is the right term) I am a student and I work part time. Part of my job is tutoring as well. I really love kids and I do a lot of reading about parenting. Now, last time we were all organizing the kids playroom I found at least 7 unopened scientific kits.

[Anonymous]

Childcare* . Pp, I guess they don't want anyone to feel left out. They can afford it and I think it's one way to avoid conflicts between kids. I know its better and less expensive to work on teaching kids sharing but my bosses don't have much time and they are always tired. I actually presented a few ideas to my MB last night after that talk and she might consider it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Childcare* . Pp, I guess they don't want anyone to feel left out. They can afford it and I think it's one way to avoid conflicts between kids. I know its better and less expensive to work on teaching kids sharing but my bosses don't have much time and they are always tired. I actually presented a few ideas to my MB last night after that talk and she might consider it.

That is BS about kids feeling left out. Everyone goes through life learning that your birthday is your special day and while siblings don't get presents on that day like you do, THEY have their OWN birthdays that get to be special days for THEM. If everyone else can manage to deal with birthdays and kids not getting into conflicts because only one is getting presents, then that family can as well.