Super hormonal mommy issue

[Anonymous]

FT mom, with a 14 week old. I went back to work when she was 6 weeks, and we hired a nanny at 4 weeks. My nanny is great but the one thing she does that upsets this super sensitive mommy is call DD by the nickname I call her by. I know it's ridiculous, but it's sort of DH and I's special nickname for her, that only the two of us use. I guess the nanny overheard us, and picked up on it. Every time she says it I get upset, but I assume it's just me being hormonal or oversensitive.

Mommies and nannies, how should I gently ask her to call the baby by her name?

[Anonymous]

As an MB I get where you're coming from. But I would let it go. She's probably using that nickname because she wants your little one to feel comfortable with her, too. Your nanny will be an important person in your baby's life, right after you and your husband on the priority list. Foster that bond.

[Anonymous]

As a nanny, I agree with the PP. You're nanny is simply trying to make your baby feel comfortable and happy. It's hard to not get caught up in calling the LO by various nicknames. It sort of comes with the territory.

I call my charge by the nicknames that my MB gave her. And she call's her DD by the nicknames that I give her.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am so sick of women using hormones as an excuse to be a bitch. I've had three so I know whereof I speak. Maybe the nanny should call your snowflake "miss" to make sure she knows her place. If this is all you have to complain about, you are lucky.

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny and like the PPs I also use the nicknames given to my infant charge by his parents. It's a familiarity thing as much as anything, as I hear them using it so often it is difficult not to pick it up, but also consider previous threads where MBs have intensely disliked the nicknames given to their children by nannies. Your nanny knows this is not only a comforting, but also pre-approved, endearment for your child and wants your daughter to feel safe and trusting when she's with her. Please let this go, for everyone's sake.

[Anonymous]

She's probably just heard you calling her this, so she thinks that is what you want her to be called.

I wouldn't say anything. I would just make sure to always use your baby's full name (or whatever you want the nanny to call her) when speaking to the nanny "Please let me know how Emily is doing with the new nap schedule" as opposed to "How did my little Emmy-Wemmy do with her nap today?"

[Anonymous]

MB here. I think you have to let this one go, sorry. I really feel you on this because I had some of the same feelings when I went back to work (although over a different issue). There's a natural instinct not to want a relative stranger moving into some intimate and special territory. I agree with PP's though, it's a good sign that she listens to you and that she adapts herself to what the baby already knows rather than just doing her own thing. You've obviously chosen a good match, so just hang in there and try to reassure yourself that you'll have plenty of very special unique things between you and your DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am so sick of women using hormones as an excuse to be a bitch. I've had three so I know whereof I speak. Maybe the nanny should call your snowflake "miss" to make sure she knows her place. If this is all you have to complain about, you are lucky.

No need to be rude, and the 'snowflake' is a baby...just stop.

[Anonymous]

I can understand why the nanny would use the same nickname that you use but I can also understand why you might want a special name reserved for only you and your husband to use. Unlike all of the other PPs I think that you are within your right to say something to her. When making this request just make sure that she knows that she didn't really do anything wrong, but that you would prefer that you don't use that nickname with the child. Explain that it is the special name that you want only you and DH to use. You can give her alternative names to use or let her know she can come up with her own. If she does come up with her own be prepared to not like it.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with most of the replies. It's perfectly fine for you to ask nanny to avoid using that nickname. I'd be very understanding if MB/DB didn't want me to use a special nickname that they have for their little one.

But I use an assortment of nicknames out of habit, so I'd hope that I could still use other nicknames.

Just talk to the nanny. She should understand, especially since you're a first time mom.

[Anonymous]

It's easy to have the nanny not use "your" special nickname for your child. Just don't use it around her! If it is so special, then save it for when you are alone with your child. Personally, I don't see how a nickname can be that special. It's a nickname. If anything, I agree with the other PPs that stated that it shows your nanny is connecting to your child if she starts to use a familiar nickname while with her. I grew up with a nickname that most people acted like it was my real name. I get maybe that you might not want a nickname to be that common, but since a nanny becomes extremely close to her charges, I think that keeping the nickname to just people close to your child seems a bit more reasonable. Or again, don't use it around others. The thing with people is that if you start calling someone by a nickname and others hear it, they start to use it as well. If I call my cat Grem or Gremy instead of Gremlin (which is his real name), I don't get upset when my charges call him one of his nicknames as well. In the end, it is just a name.

[Anonymous]

I actually think its fine to ask the nanny not to use the nickname if you do it politely and gently. For a slightly different perspective, I have a family nickname that no one but my family (except my DH) uses. My DH uses a different nickname that my friends use. His parents heard my parents use their nickname for me and started calling me by it and I honestly find it jarring even though I get along well with them. Sometimes nicknames do belong to the persons/people who use them and that is okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's easy to have the nanny not use "your" special nickname for your child. Just don't use it around her! If it is so special, then save it for when you are alone with your child. Personally, I don't see how a nickname can be that special. It's a nickname. If anything, I agree with the other PPs that stated that it shows your nanny is connecting to your child if she starts to use a familiar nickname while with her. I grew up with a nickname that most people acted like it was my real name. I get maybe that you might not want a nickname to be that common, but since a nanny becomes extremely close to her charges, I think that keeping the nickname to just people close to your child seems a bit more reasonable. Or again, don't use it around others. The thing with people is that if you start calling someone by a nickname and others hear it, they start to use it as well. If I call my cat Grem or Gremy instead of Gremlin (which is his real name), I don't get upset when my charges call him one of his nicknames as well. In the end, it is just a name.

+1000000

Do not, please, say anything to your nanny. All these nannies who say they would be fine with it understand the sentiment of where you're coming from, but would be horrified and offended to find themselves chastised in such an odd way. If this is a special nickname for your daughter, it is appropriate for grandma, uncle, and nanny to use; if it is a private nickname, don't use it when other people are around. What are you going to do when DD goes to school and the teacher hears you using it? Be realistic, please, for the sake of a good relationship with your nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am so sick of women using hormones as an excuse to be a bitch. I've had three so I know whereof I speak. Maybe the nanny should call your snowflake "miss" to make sure she knows her place. If this is all you have to complain about, you are lucky.

No need to be rude, and the 'snowflake' is a baby...just stop.

Please, can we all agree that the term "snowflake is absolutely condescending and unnecessary.

I'm sorry, I know I'm oversensitive and I will just let it go. It's not a nickname like Emmy for Emily, it's what DH and I called DD when she was in the womb, so it is pretty special to us. I'll just learn to let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am so sick of women using hormones as an excuse to be a bitch. I've had three so I know whereof I speak. Maybe the nanny should call your snowflake "miss" to make sure she knows her place. If this is all you have to complain about, you are lucky.

No need to be rude, and the 'snowflake' is a baby...just stop.

Please, can we all agree that the term "snowflake is absolutely condescending and unnecessary.

I'm sorry, I know I'm oversensitive and I will just let it go. It's not a nickname like Emmy for Emily, it's what DH and I called DD when she was in the womb, so it is pretty special to us. I'll just learn to let it go.

You know, at first I was on the "you really shouldn't say anything about it" side of things, but thinking more about it I may have changed my mind. I'm 23 and my mom still sometimes calls me by my in utero nickname, and I think it'd be pretty weird if anyone else ever tried to call me that. I'd start by eliminating your use of the nickname in the presence of the nanny. If that doesn't help, I think you can gently say exactly what you've said here "This may just be me being a hormonal FTM, but X is a special nickname for DD and I'd really like to keep that special between us"