Am I wrong???

[Anonymous]

I've a nanny for a baby who just turned five months old. I've been working with there family for almost three months. I work there part time 2-3 days a week. I have noticed that MB and DB have stared to increasly spoil the baby but I fear as though some of these things are going to get her into bad habits and be hard to correct as she gets older. Such as.

Constantly holding her and having her ALWAYS engaged on someone's hip. It's to the point now where she will not let me do anything without whining a screaming to be picked up. I think with a some help from her parents this is something that can be easily ficked with a little patience. I'm worried this is leading her up to a bad habit as she's getting older. I worry she will turn into a one year old that no one can ever put down to do anything. When she's with me a tend to let her cry some if there is no real need not always but sometimes when she's just fussing to be picked up.

Also the baby is breastfed she takes the bottle on a lucky day (mostly only on the days she's with me) I keep her 10 hours a day. But now that she is eating solids and cereals its not such a big issue that she isn't taking the bottle. I've noticed that when mom feeds her or even when I feed her around mom the second she makes one little cry mom snatches her up to breastfeed her. Im pretty sure this is what she does when im not there. To me another bad habit. When I'm feeding her especially on Mondays it's always rough because she comes from a whole weekend of almost nothing but breast feeding. She will eat but cry some.

To sum it all up I think it's all to much switching for a baby her age. Me and mom are both with her on opposite days mom works (m/w/and every other Fridays) and stays with her the other days. I believe that me and mom need to be on the same page as far as what we are doing with her so it does not effect her in a negative way. Am I wrong for sitting mom down or writing an email telling her my thoughts. I don't want her to think I'm sayings she's a bad parent because she's not but we need to work together on something's. They are usually receptive to my thought and ideas but this I'm nervous about. What do you guys think.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that either of these are issues you should bring up. How they choose to hold and feed their baby when they are with her is their choice. Plenty of parents make no effort to bottle feed when Mom is available to breast feed. As for holding her too much, as long as she is getting tummy time and time to play/roll/sit on the floor, and as long as it's not starting to interfere with her sleeping habits, I wouldn't be too concerned. At the same time, I would say this doesn't necessarily mean YOU can't put her down when you want to, even if she does start fussing.

[Anonymous]

Agree you can't tell parents how to raise their children. Did you know when taking the job what their parenting technic was?

If you don't like how they chose to parent maybe you should find a better position with a family closer to your child rearing.

[Anonymous]

You've only been with this family for three months and you already sound resentful towards them. Of course they want to hold her...she is THEIR BABY. They work during the day and miss her...let them hold her. And obviously she wants to be picked up...she is five months old!!!! You sound awful.

[Anonymous]

oh and YES you are wrong. you do not have any right to tell them how they should be raising their baby. you're their PART TIME NANNY.

[Anonymous]

You can't spoil a baby that young. You need to get moreinfant experience, take some classes, read some books etc. As she gets older she won't WANT to be held so much because she'll be busy exploring the world on her own. Savor these moments because they are ever so fleeting.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP, You can't spoil a baby that young.

These are the parents, not you. IF it's so much of a problem then leave but don't you dare try to dictate how the parents choose to raise their baby.

And goodness, if they want to hold their baby, they're going too! If you don't like it, well too bad. Who are you? THE HELP

[Anonymous]

I agree the style of care should be more similar than it sounds like it is for the baby. But YOU are the employee - they are the parents. You switch to match them.

[Anonymous]

You're wrong.

Babies should be getting all their nutrients from breastmilk or formula for their first year. The purpose of eating "people-food" is simply to practice eating. So there's nothing wrong with the mother wanting to nurse her 5 month old at all. It's a way for them to bond.

There's nothing wrong with holding a baby all the time. If you knew anything about attachment parenting you'd know that if you create a strong attachment early on, then the baby will feel more secure later letting go.

[Anonymous]

So harsh to this nanny, PPs (and I am a Mb!). Look, you can't tell mom how to raise the baby. And no, you won't spoil the baby at that age. It sounds like you have a way in mind, but you do have to accept that Mbs way isn't necessarily wrong or faulty based on the child's age and stage. But if you want it to work with Mb long term, you do need to be on the same page (and I'm pretty sure it needs to be mom's page, not yours) and you may as well use this time to start working it out together. How about sitting down with mama and asking her how to handle the issues you see - something like "I've noticed every Monday that baby has trouble with getting back to solids/bottle and I'm wondering how you'd like me to handle it? Right now we power through it, but I want to work with you to transition her better after the weekends." Or "I see that baby wants to be held constantly right now, and while I am happy to snuggle her all day, I want to make sure we use the same soothing tactics and give her some independent time. Should I always pick her up when she cries just to be held, or should I try to engage her with toys/tummy time to help her start to self soothe and self entertain?" Maybe mama says "no, always hold her" but if so you have your answer. Or maybe she too is exhausted from holding her all the time, but feels like she has to, and would like an ally in helping baby begin tiny steps toward being able to sit in a swing or bouncy chair for a few minutes at a time. Important thing is to have a conversation about what you two can do together, not one that begins with the premise that one way or the other is the only correct way.

[Anonymous]

This is the OP- First of all I want to say I'm by no means an awful nanny nor am I resentful to her. Yes I've only been with them three months but so what. I take very good care of both children. I should have known better than to post on this blog with overbearing MB and bitter nannies. I feel like are that ever happens on the blog is someone's posts and all that happens is they get brow beaten and told they are horrible nannies and to quit there jobs. Sorry thats not me i dont quit when stuff is not in my favor. Nor do i steal from my employers, demand some unreasonable amount of money, abuse there children, or sleep with there neighbors. I'm sorry but I keep an open honestly policy with all my families I work for and in the end they appreciate me for it. I decided to bite the bullet and bring it up to mom and explained my reasonings. We asked about and came to a mid point. Thanks for you non helpful and insulting comments.

[Anonymous]

OP - I thought the MB of 8:50 gave you some great feedback. Very thoughtful and appropriate.

This is a tough forum but your last msg just perpetuated it by painting everyone who replied to you w/ the same brush - which isn't fair.

[Anonymous]

OP-- I was a MB who missed my baby every second I was away from him and held him constantly and coslept. I nursed exculsively and so the only time he had a bottle was with our nanny. He is three now- and it all went by SO quickly. My MIL was like you and told me how he needed to be alone and needed a bottle and how I was spoiling him. Her questioning my parenting decisions made me question what I felt in my heart was the best route for myself and my child. I am SO happy that my great nanny was completely supportive and encouraged my to follow my heart. He finally got used to the bottle and sleeping alone- is a sweet loving boy who is not spoiled and can play on his own. Please don't try to make your MB question what I am sure she feels is best for her family.

[Anonymous]

Sorry op, you sound like a major bitch with your follow up post!!

[Anonymous]

This is the OP and I'm certainly not trying to make her question her parenting. I love her family and her charge that I watch. Honestly she's a great mom. I do support her but like her i want to do whats gonna be best for my charge both short and long term. Also MB does not cosleep thank god. If she couldn't imagine what I'd do with the baby for naps. In my opinion cosleeping, breast feeding and attachment parents is for more stay at home moms than a nanny working ten hours. But the breast feeding thing I can deal with because she will take the bottle some and then just have cereal and baby food and this was MB idea. And yes I know I sounded like a Bitch good. I don't care if anyone likes what I'm saying, but don't try and question me and my ability to care for children. I've been watching kids since i was 14. And I've dealt with all different types of children and they are came out very well.