AP and phones: texting, skyping, facebook, oh my!

[Anonymous]

We have had 5 au pairs. We have provided all our au pairs with a basic clamshell or similar basic phone with unlimited voice, text and data. Up until this, our current au pair, this has always been received with gratitude and has not been a problem. Our most recent au pair, however, bought herself an iphone within a week of her arrival, bought her own plan and has become a texting, skyping, facebooking addict. We have told her she must not use the phone during work hours and she agreed to this, but she is having a very hard time actually doing it. Although she has said she told her friends that she is not available, she says they reach out to her anyway , making it difficult to ignore the phone. I have told her to use the phone we gave her would buy more minutes for it and leave her iphone in her room until she is off duty. I don't even want her to text me...I'm not a fan of texting and prefer phone calls to communicate. I have told her this explicitly and repeatedly, but she has never called me with a question or an update, to check in, etc. Her attitude, tone and body language suggest that she thinks that I am being ridiculous in expecting her to restrict her iphone use so much and to use the phone as an actual phone. and that I am out of touch with her generation. I feel like badly because I never had to treat my APs like children in the way before. Is it the generation and this is just the battle we will all be fighting with everyone of this generation from now on or do I just have a "bad apple (user)"

How do I handle an AP who is addicted to her phone?

BTW, it is a problem for her off duty, IMO, b/c even after 5 months here, she is still so constantly 'connected' to home she hasn't really created a life here. I have pointed this out, gently, but feel its not my place to force the issue off duty. She says she is happy here, so...

[Anonymous]

Have you checked in with AP agency about the problem?

[Anonymous]

You stick to your guns - no phone use while on the job unless it is to call you. Then tell her, with no hesitation or exceptions, that she is NOT to text you, she is to call you. You dont like texting which is your perogative. If her mother told her the same, she would have to respect it, too. STick to this. Reiterate it as much as you need. If she is not respecting these rules, call the LC to come over for a meeting. This au pair needs to know that most families have this same rule and even if she re-matches, her new family will have th esame rule. This is about as basic a rule as it gets.

[Anonymous]

What's the big deal if she uses her I-phone during the day while watching your kid(s)? Most people in ANY employment regularly check their phones and/or respond to friends' or colleagues' inquiries. Relax and enjoy the savings on your wireless bill.

[Anonymous]

Not the OP, but in regards to "what's the harm".

Paying attention the phone means not paying attention to the child. Which is WHY SHE IS HIRED.

Tons of things can happen in an instant. Just ask anyone who's had someone killed by someone texting and driving,..

I pay her to do a job. IF she isn't working I can care less what she does with her phone or PC. If she's working, she should pay attention to the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the big deal if she uses her I-phone during the day while watching your kid(s)? Most people in ANY employment regularly check their phones and/or respond to friends' or colleagues' inquiries. Relax and enjoy the savings on your wireless bill.

Really? Any profession? How would you feel if your surgeon or psychotherapist or priest or rabbi or air traffic controller were to "regularly check his/her phone and/ or respond to friends' or colleagues' inquiries" while they were performing surgery, in your session, performing a religious service or directing airplanes?

[Anonymous]

This does seem to be an increasing issue. We have had 4 au pairs but not until this last one have we had to institute strict rules about phone use. In fact, we never had to give any rules at all, other than don't use it while driving (but it was never an issue, in the same way that everyone waears a seatbelt was never an issue...but of course, that would be very unsafe).

Is it bc of the new kinds of phones and/or unlimited plans or is it a cultural issue that is just now surfacing? Do other countries have different expectations/etiquette about using mobile phones? Is it this "younger generation". Our youngest prior au pair started at 18, this was 5 years ago, but never had an issue. Our current AP, with the addiction, is 19, almost 20.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who has an iphone is addicted to their iphone. Whether they're 10, 21, or 40.

I'm going to assume your AP is under 24 years old. Possible even a TEEN still.

What do you expect?

She's young.
In a new country.
Away from everyone & everything she knows.
This is a tech world we're living in.

Using the phone a few times an hour won't kill anyone - including you or your children.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I think no phone during working hours is too extreme to be feasible. Even teachers carry their phones in their pockets, check them during independent reading or test-taking times, etc. (and to one of the PPs - yes, doctors check their phones regularly - I'm a nanny for one and he texts me all day long!) so it's a little over the top to ask her to keep it away in her room all day until she's off duty.

How old are your children? If it were me doing the managing, I would ask her to restrict her usage to independent play-time, nap-time, while the kids are at school, etc. But honestly, to expect her to sit and stare at your kids for 8 hours is insane - you wouldn't do that, and it isn't healthy for them to have any adult's undivided attention all day (they've got to learn patience sometime!). That said, there is a difference between using it for 5-10 minutes an hour and checking it every 3 minutes... the former, imo, being fine, and the latter being insane and unacceptable. See if you can find a compromise that she feels like she can live with and you are comfortable with and give it a shot with the understanding you'll reevaluate how it's going in a week or two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I think no phone during working hours is too extreme to be feasible. Even teachers carry their phones in their pockets, check them during independent reading or test-taking times, etc. (and to one of the PPs - yes, doctors check their phones regularly - I'm a nanny for one and he texts me all day long!) so it's a little over the top to ask her to keep it away in her room all day until she's off duty.

How old are your children? If it were me doing the managing, I would ask her to restrict her usage to independent play-time, nap-time, while the kids are at school, etc. But honestly, to expect her to sit and stare at your kids for 8 hours is insane - you wouldn't do that, and it isn't healthy for them to have any adult's undivided attention all day (they've got to learn patience sometime!). That said, there is a difference between using it for 5-10 minutes an hour and checking it every 3 minutes... the former, imo, being fine, and the latter being insane and unacceptable. See if you can find a compromise that she feels like she can live with and you are comfortable with and give it a shot with the understanding you'll reevaluate how it's going in a week or two.

Really? 10 mins per hour is OK with you? Over the course of a 45 hour week, that adds up to 7.5 hours that you are paying her to be on her phone. If she watched TV for 7.5 hours, would you be cool with that, too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I think no phone during working hours is too extreme to be feasible. Even teachers carry their phones in their pockets, check them during independent reading or test-taking times, etc. (and to one of the PPs - yes, doctors check their phones regularly - I'm a nanny for one and he texts me all day long!) so it's a little over the top to ask her to keep it away in her room all day until she's off duty.

How old are your children? If it were me doing the managing, I would ask her to restrict her usage to independent play-time, nap-time, while the kids are at school, etc. But honestly, to expect her to sit and stare at your kids for 8 hours is insane - you wouldn't do that, and it isn't healthy for them to have any adult's undivided attention all day (they've got to learn patience sometime!). That said, there is a difference between using it for 5-10 minutes an hour and checking it every 3 minutes... the former, imo, being fine, and the latter being insane and unacceptable. See if you can find a compromise that she feels like she can live with and you are comfortable with and give it a shot with the understanding you'll reevaluate how it's going in a week or two.

Really? 10 mins per hour is OK with you? Over the course of a 45 hour week, that adds up to 7.5 hours that you are paying her to be on her phone. If she watched TV for 7.5 hours, would you be cool with that, too?

So make it 5 minutes an hour, I don't care. From my different jobs, in three fields, I think that is a reasonable amount of time to spend connected - you can disagree, I don't mind, but I absolutely believe (having been one) that office workers spend more than 10min/hr surfing the internet, online shopping, gchatting, facebooking, playing solitaire etc, so I'm just trying to be realistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I think no phone during working hours is too extreme to be feasible. Even teachers carry their phones in their pockets, check them during independent reading or test-taking times, etc. (and to one of the PPs - yes, doctors check their phones regularly - I'm a nanny for one and he texts me all day long!) so it's a little over the top to ask her to keep it away in her room all day until she's off duty.

How old are your children? If it were me doing the managing, I would ask her to restrict her usage to independent play-time, nap-time, while the kids are at school, etc. But honestly, to expect her to sit and stare at your kids for 8 hours is insane - you wouldn't do that, and it isn't healthy for them to have any adult's undivided attention all day (they've got to learn patience sometime!). That said, there is a difference between using it for 5-10 minutes an hour and checking it every 3 minutes... the former, imo, being fine, and the latter being insane and unacceptable. See if you can find a compromise that she feels like she can live with and you are comfortable with and give it a shot with the understanding you'll reevaluate how it's going in a week or two.

Really? 10 mins per hour is OK with you? Over the course of a 45 hour week, that adds up to 7.5 hours that you are paying her to be on her phone. If she watched TV for 7.5 hours, would you be cool with that, too?

So make it 5 minutes an hour, I don't care. From my different jobs, in three fields, I think that is a reasonable amount of time to spend connected - you can disagree, I don't mind, but I absolutely believe (having been one) that office workers spend more than 10min/hr surfing the internet, online shopping, gchatting, facebooking, playing solitaire etc, so I'm just trying to be realistic.

PP here - please allow me to clarify that I mean low- to mid- level office workers. i believe mid-upper level spend almost no time wasted online, while executives tend to end up on either extreme: none or much, much more. However, APs are paid like low-level workers, so I would align my expectations accordingly.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a nanny share

Couple one:
Dermatologist & Real Estate Agent
(Both on phones all day)

Couple two:
Christian school teacher & Marina manager
(Both on phones all day)

I'm young but have had a few jobs. Used my phone during all, was never 1. fired 2. yelled at. I've worked as.. a nanny, pharmacy tech, movie theater consession stand worker, office clerk at a wall paper/antique store business.

I said all of that to say...get over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a nanny share

Couple one:
Dermatologist & Real Estate Agent
(Both on phones all day)

Couple two:
Christian school teacher & Marina manager
(Both on phones all day)

I'm young but have had a few jobs. Used my phone during all, was never 1. fired 2. yelled at. I've worked as.. a nanny, pharmacy tech, movie theater consession stand worker, office clerk at a wall paper/antique store business.

I said all of that to say...get over it

That's fine. My house, my rules no phine use except to communicate w/host family when away from the home. otherwise, phone is in AP bedroom or in purse while out. I have tried in vain to help multiple APs manage their phone use, learn what it means to have good judgement, how much is too much, when its ok and not and I've been burned.

Dont like it? Don't match with me then. I tell prospective APs this up front. I am lenient in many ways: car use, no curfew, will host your friends, buy your favorite foods, bring you on all our great vacations (and give you extra time off while there), let you use our beach house, provide you with a nice bug LCD TV in your room, etc. But don't be a phone whore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a nanny share

Couple one:
Dermatologist & Real Estate Agent
(Both on phones all day)

Couple two:
Christian school teacher & Marina manager
(Both on phones all day)

I'm young but have had a few jobs. Used my phone during all, was never 1. fired 2. yelled at. I've worked as.. a nanny, pharmacy tech, movie theater consession stand worker, office clerk at a wall paper/antique store business.

I said all of that to say...get over it

That's fine. My house, my rules no phine use except to communicate w/host family when away from the home. otherwise, phone is in AP bedroom or in purse while out. I have tried in vain to help multiple APs manage their phone use, learn what it means to have good judgement, how much is too much, when its ok and not and I've been burned.

Dont like it? Don't match with me then. I tell prospective APs this up front. I am lenient in many ways: car use, no curfew, will host your friends, buy your favorite foods, bring you on all our great vacations (and give you extra time off while there), let you use our beach house, provide you with a nice bug LCD TV in your room, etc. But don't be a phone whore.

I think you're underestimating the need these girls have to feel connected while they're living in a new, challenging environment.