Suspect AP is using phone while driving. How to prove it/handle it??

[Anonymous]

I suspect my AP might be using her phone during
Driving. She's addicted to her phone and texts a lot. She also uses the 'Whats App' app to text with friends. This app uses the data, vs traditional texting.

Before you flame me, I get an itemized wireless bill. I had a prior AP that abused cell phone use, so I check it. It's my right and I do it to protect my kids.

I briefly scan data use, text use and minute use each month for me and her. This month a bunch of use during when she was supposed to be driving my kids to school caused concern.

After that, I went back to review this past months bill and saw several other times that she should have been either working or driving when she used the phone for calls, texts or data.

Is this enough to show that she's doing it in the car? How do I proceed with this?

This is such a big deal.

[Anonymous]

How do you proceed? You sit her down and you say, "In going over the phone bill I noticed XYZ. This suggests to me that you were using the phone while driving - can you tell me what happened?"

Let her respond. You'll know straight away what really happened (i.e. if she's lying or not) and if you leave that discussion feeling like she is not on the same page as you and still can't be trusted, you look for an immediate rematch. This isn't something to fool around with.

FWIW, I usually try to take the APs side on this forum, because I don't think enough people here are standing up for them, but this is far too serious and dangerous to be at all wishy-washy over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you proceed? You sit her down and you say, "In going over the phone bill I noticed XYZ. This suggests to me that you were using the phone while driving - can you tell me what happened?"

Let her respond. You'll know straight away what really happened (i.e. if she's lying or not) and if you leave that discussion feeling like she is not on the same page as you and still can't be trusted, you look for an immediate rematch. This isn't something to fool around with.

FWIW, I usually try to take the APs side on this forum, because I don't think enough people here are standing up for them, but this is far too serious and dangerous to be at all wishy-washy over.

+1. Safety issues=immediate rematch

[Anonymous]

Didn't someone say how long that takes?

[Anonymous]

Op, what would you do if she were your kid? Then apply...

If you think she's abusing the phone - cut the data plan for the month or restrict it so she can only call certain numbers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, what would you do if she were your kid? Then apply...

If you think she's abusing the phone - cut the data plan for the month or restrict it so she can only call certain numbers.

Not the OP, but we provided our AP with a basic phone with basic services. Not happy with that , she bought herself an iPhone and now pays for her own plan with all the services she needs. What would you suggest in this scenario?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, what would you do if she were your kid? Then apply...

If you think she's abusing the phone - cut the data plan for the month or restrict it so she can only call certain numbers.

Not the OP, but we provided our AP with a basic phone with basic services. Not happy with that , she bought herself an iPhone and now pays for her own plan with all the services she needs. What would you suggest in this scenario?

I would have a convo and tell her to shape up or rematch.

I read your other post. She needs to respect your rules.

[Anonymous]

OP she doesn't need to be using her phone while she is working, she just needs to have it in case an emergency comes up. You can put in place a no phone or texting rule while she is working. This is perfectly reasonable.

[Anonymous]

I can not imagine why anyone would flame you for any part of this post. Reviewing your cell phone bill is just common sense regardless of who has a cell phone in your family.

Did you make it clear to your Au Pair when she arrived that 1.) texting and talking are illegal in parts of the area; and 2.) she is strictly not allowed, per house rules, to use her phone while driving the car? if you did not, you should do so now and with all other au pairs who you have in the future. This should be in writing, too, by the way.

If this were my child, I would handle it exactly the same way as I did with all of our au pairs. Hard and fast rule, no phone use while car is in drive (that makes sure she isnt using it at stop lights either which can be dangerous as well). Failure to obey this rule results in loss of cell phone for all personal use. Frankly, after having an au pair who was addicted to her phone, (first one in five girls) we instituted the rule that phone was not to be used for her personal socializing when she was "on the job" with the children.

A cell phone is a privledge, not a necessity, regardless of what some people seem to think. The au pair programs do not require host families to provide a cell phone but, most do, and we always did.

[Anonymous]

PP..

Yes, it's in writing in my handbook and we've discussed it several times before matching and after she's been here.

[Anonymous]

Not that it's a valid excuss for the inexcusable behavior, but is she isolated all day?

[Anonymous]

Nope. Two school aged kids, so she has PLENTY of time to use the internet/phone etc...

She only works an hour before school and then 3 hrs in the afternoons.

[Anonymous]

There are devices with apps that will disable her phone while she is driving and sent reports to you about her driving..where, when, how fast, how many sudden braking events, etc. they are not expensive.

[Anonymous]

Do you feel like you trust her?

[Anonymous]

OP the hours she's required to work are pretty cushy. I'd follow advice from upthread to have a conversation with her, and if you're not happy with the outcome, rematch. There are a lot of APs who would love a job with those hours.